The memories that were
by Paperball
Summary: Naomily FanFic. Set after s4 mostly from Naomi and Emily's POV, but it will also include other characters from generation 3. ["Naomi..." She said my name... 'Does she know who I am']
1. Chapter 1 - Increase

**Authors Note:** Okay here we go I guess. I've never done a FanFic before so please excuse me if it sucks. I have been holding this story inside of me for quite some time now and I just neet to let i out!

Everything is messed up. Cook's in custody and Freddy is gone. And what happens when Naomi suffers from an accident that will change her and Emily's relatioship...?

* * *

**Chapter one**

**Naomi's bedroom - 3:35 Am**

Naomi

"I love you."

"I know, I love you too."

I let my fingers slide from Emily's arm down to her hip, my fingertips tingling at the feeling of her bare skin. I felt like the happiest person in the entire word, I got my girl back. And that was all that mattered to me.

I looked at Emily as she struggled to keep her eyelids open. It had been a long night for both of us, and I looked at her as she fell asleep. I gently wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. I feelt her snuggling into me and I kissed her on her red-haired head and allowed myself to fall asleep as well.

* * *

**Freddie's shed – earlier**

I heard the rest of them in there. I heard Panda, Effy, Thomas, Cook, Karen, JJ, Katie and Emily. How could I… no I have to be brave. I have to be brave if I want her back. She can hurt me and leave me, but at least I would have tried.

"Who's gonna start?" I heard JJ say and in the same moment I took a deep breath. I opened the door and walked in.

"I will..." I analyzed the room with my gaze and stop when my eyes met Emily's.

"I've loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was twelve. It took me three years to pluck up the courage to speak to you. And I was so scared of the way I felt. You know, loving a girl. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch to make it feel normal. I screwed guys to make it go away, but it didn't work.

When we got together, it scared the shit out of me, because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault. But really I was just terrified of the pain. I screwed that girl Sophia, to kind of spite you for having that hold on me. And I'm a total fucking coward because… I got these… these tickets to Goa for us three months ago."

I pulled out the tickets I got from my purse. I looked for a second at the tickets in my hands, knowing that I wanted to go with Emily, I wanted to see the world with her, us together.

"But I, I couldn't stand… I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's hard. It's so horrible. Because, really. I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much it's killing me"

I had poured my heart out in front of everybody and I felt exhausted. I looked at Emily through watery eyes hoping that she had fucking got it, that I was willing to do anything to get her back. I stood and looked at her for what felt like hours. And then finally she made a move, she walked towards me and put her arms around me and then she kissed me, soft and passionate. It was the first proper kiss in ages and how I had longed for those lips to touch mine.

When she pulled back I could see that she cried. Her eyes were all watery and I hugged her tight, breathing in the wonderful smell of her hair.

_I don't ever want to lose her again._

The rest of the night was pure heaven. We played games and looked at some new tricks from JJ. And through the whole night I never left Emily's side.

"Here drink this" Katie said and put a shot of vodka in Emily's hand.

I took the glass from Emily as soon as Katie looked away and poured it into another glass on the little table in front of me. I didn't want Emily to get too drunk. She was already drunk enough. And I realized that so was I. Everything felt like a dream.

After a couple of hours I decided it was time for me and Ems to get back to our place, which in reality was mine but she stayed there. She'd practically moved in, and I absolutely loved it. Especially now when we got the whole place to ourselves when mum and Kieran were out traveling. I think they went to America... but I was defenately not sure. I wouldn't get surprised if they were in the middle of the Atlantic ocean either.

* * *

"I love you" Emily said, my heart bounced with joy at those words. We were lying on top of our bed, our hands entwined holding etch other. I looked down at our hands as I let my thumb trace around the back of Emily's hand.

I looked up into her eyes. She leaned forward and kissed me and I responded to the kiss, our tongues dancing together. I loved the taste of her. I let my tongue slide along her bottom lip just to feel the softness and fullness of her lips. I felt her hand stroking my spine and I felt how I got turned on by that simple move. She seemed to know exactly which buttons to push, _damn her._

"Stop that!" I said pulling away from her for a second.

"What?" Emily asked with the most innocent voice she could pull off.

"Fuck you!" I said kissing her again.

"I'd love that" She said still stoking my spine as her other hand traced my thigh. She smirked.

How could I resist that answer? I pushed her back on the bed while ripping her dress of as she ripped mine off. I stared down at perfection, beautiful Emily, with her beautiful figure and beautiful breasts. And she was all mine. I screwed up so bad and she still wanted me. _How could you not love someone like that?_

I kissed her on her mouth, between her breasts, on her stomach working my way down towards her clit. I licked her, teased her. First slow then faster, and I could hear Emily moan. Not much was needed to push her over the edge.

"I love you!" She called out.

I kissed her inner thigh and then I crawled back over her and gave her another kiss on her soft pink lips. She flipped me over with an unexpected force and put both her hands on my hips to hold me down as she started her magic. I felt her love and passion so strong, and I screamed out her name as my orgasm started to build up. When I threw myself over the edge my body stiffened and then I felt how my whole body when numb.

We had never made love with this much feeling before. It was just desire. I think it was a step in our process of building us up again. I felt how Emily lay down on top of me, kissing my shoulders. _Oh, how I loved her more than anything._

* * *

**Naomi's place – 11:30 Am**

Emily

I woke up by a sound from downstairs. It sounded like a pan hitting hardwood floor. I looked around to find her, but I couldn't. Although I knew she was downstairs I'd hope to wake up with her by my side.

This night had been fuckin amazing. She made me melt over at Freddie's and I had promised myself to never let her think I was ever going to leave her. Why would I, she's the one perfect thing in my crazy life, the one thing that is holding me together.

"Ems, hun, breakfast." My thoughts interrupted as she opened the bedroom door.

I turned around facing my love in a T-shirt and knickers. I looked at her perfect body and to my liking the T-shirt was thin enough for me to see through it. She looked at me raising her eyebrow giving med that Campbell look.

"Emily Fitch, you perv!" Naomi threw a pillow at me as I tried to get up from bed. The force of the throw pillow made me fall back again.

"Okay, I'm sorry. You mentioned breakfast." I sneaked pass her through the door, giving her a kiss on the cheek as I went past.

* * *

I never knew breakfast could taste so good, I leaned back on the chair. I knew Naomi could cook. But I never knew she was that good.

"Was it good hun?" She asked as she picked off the table and kissed me on my head.

I just nodded in response and rose to help with the dishes. I wrapped my arms around her from behind and rested my head on her shoulder. I was breathing in her, the scent I would never get tired of smelling.

I knew I owed her. She had opened up her heart for me yesterday, something I never knew Naomi could do. I had realized with time that she was actually very fragile underneath her hard surface.

I felt her turning around in my embrace to face me. I looked into her blue eyes.

"I'm sorry to. I'm sorry for trying to punish you. I punished you more than you deserved and I love you more than anything… I hope you know that." There I said it. I search in her eyes for a reaction. At least I had apologized for the wrong things I'd made. I know it won't make them undone, but at least she now knew I was sorry.

"I know you're sorry Ems… I love you too." She leaned over and kissed me. My body shivering from the touch of her hands on my back underneath my T-shirt.

* * *

**Next day**

Naomi

I looked into my closet realizing I had nothing that would fit the weather in Goa. So I decided that today Ems and I were going out shopping, and maybe stopping by the park.

* * *

With three shopping bags and two ice creams we sat down on a bench in the park. It was actually an unusually good weather for being England. The sun shined and no gray clouds on the sky were visible.

"I fucking love this ice cream." Emily said.

I looked at Emily as she just finished hers. I had only started on mine.

"Jesus Ems, you eat like if you were an elephant." I said sarcastic wrinkling my nose as I looked at her. I just hope she noticed I was being sarcastic, but you never knew with Emily. She's stronger than me but also very sensitive.

"You think I look fat?" Emily asked looking up on me with big puppy eyes. Thank god that I could see a little smile on her lips.

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter hun… just more for me to love hey." I smirked and turned back to my ice cream.

The next second I could feel how my whole face got cold as I realized my ice cream had been smashed against my face.

"I'm not fat!" Emily said with played hurt in her voice. I could tell that she played because I've come to learn her emotions. If she would have been hurt for real my heart would have twitched, as it always did when she was sad.

I wiped my face of and threw myself onto Emily and we rolled around in the grass. She ended up on top of me, licking the rest of the ice cream off my face. When she got to my mouth she kissed me. I let my tongue slide into her mouth as we laid there on the grass, allowing her warmth to fill my body.

* * *

We both sat curled up in the sofa with a pizza in front of us, half with meat for Emily. After a long day out shopping some clothes for our trip to Goa it was nice just being together. Emily had long ago fallen asleep after eating a bit of her pizza-half. Her arms were wrapped around me and she rested her head on my chest as I stroked her over her red hair.

Then someone knocked on the door.

_'Jesus'_. I tried to get up without waking Emily. But her change of breathing told me I had failed.

"Someone's at the door." She mumbled sleepy as she sat up.

"I know I'll take it." I walked to the door and as I opened it I got as surprised and shocked as if someone would have shot a bullet through our window…

"Miss Campbell. We would like to have a word with you." The policeman said while I turned around facing a big eyed Emily.

"You too as well." The policeman made a gesture towards Emily.

"What the fuck?!" I looked over the policeman's shoulder and saw another policeman open the door to a police car.

What could we possible have done? I couldn't remember breaking the law. I couldn't recall anything… If it wasn't me then… I looked over at Emily who looked totally blank back at me with a confused face. Was someone joking with us? But the policeman didn't seem to joke at all…

"If you please follow us." The policeman said and led us both out of the house closing the car door behind us as we jumped into the car.

I looked out through the window and saw the blue door disappear as we rounded a corner.


	2. Chapter 2 - Dead?

**Authors Note:** Well the first chapter might have been a bit slow. But I hope that you liked it anyway…

* * *

**Chapter two**

**Police station – 6 Pm**

Emily

'_What the fuck'_. I looked around the grey room and saw the whole fucking rest of them. Everyone that had been in Freddie's shed three days ago were there. What did the police want us? Had we done something wrong? The police just came and shoved me and my girlfriend out of our house and brought us here to the police station in a police car.

I sat down beside Naomi, like everyone else around a big grey table on hard chairs. I saw in the other's faces that they were as confused as I was, except for Effy with her stone face as usual. I couldn't believe how she could be so calm. She rarely showed any feelings at all… I could see Panda looking nervously and holding Thomas hand between both hers. _'Poor Panda, but_ _when did she and Thomas get back together?'_ Last thing I remembered was when Panda told me that Thomas needed to think about what he had done, cheating that was. A door opened and a policeman came in and started talking.

As they started explaining what had happened I felt Naomi's hand grab mine under the table and squeeze it tight, her fingernails drilled into my palm. At the same time I saw how Effy's face went pale, and how Karen started to cry uncontrollably, her hands covering her face.

"It's not true!" Effy screamed and threw her chair back with such force that it slid across the floor and fell over, breaking the silence that had fallen across the room. Then she ran out of the room, her face buried in her hands. I couldn't believe it. I looked at Katie who sat and cried on the other side of the table.

I felt that I needed to comfort her. She was my twin after all, a piece of me. But my hand and my heart wanted to be by Naomi's side. She sat there beside me, her blue eyes deep and emotionless.

"And you believe Cook did it?" I found myself asking. I knew Cook was violent but he would never have done something like that. He loved Freddie and I knew it. As I asked the question I felt Naomi grab my hand even tighter.

The policeman looked at me with a serious face.

"We have no evidence that he killed Freddie McClair. But he did attack Dr. John Foster and beat him hard enough for Dr. Foster to fall into a coma. James Cook told us that he'd only done it in self defense because Dr. Foster wanted to kill him as well after the last mentioned admitted killing McClair. We have no evidence for this, so we are waiting for Dr. Foster to wake up. Until then James Cook is under arrest."

As I could recall he also ran from the police after that MDMA incident…

"But you have no proof Freddie is dead, he could be alive. What if the body you found wasn't his." Katie managed to get out through her sobs.

"I'm sorry madam. There were too much blood and his body has been identified by his family." And after the policeman's statement I could hear Katie burst into tears once more.

I let go of Naomi's hand and went over to the other side of the table trying to comfort Katie. She buried her face into my shoulder and wetted down my shirt. Fuck sake, I thought I was the soft one… I looked over at Naomi. She didn't show any feelings. But as I looked closely in her beautiful blue eyes I saw that she was sad, more than sad.

I had barely known Freddie. He was a mate not a friend. The few times I had tried to speak with him he had left me after a couple of minutes. And when I looked where he had gone I saw that I went after Effy… he had loved her from the start. But I believed Katie loved him as well, otherwise she wouldn't be so sad right now.

"I know this is a lot to take in, you can all go now. We'll call you in if we need to speak to you." The police man walked through the door and left us.

I tried to get myself out of Katie's grip to face her, her eyes were red and puffy. I didn't know what to say or what to do. I heard the door open again and looked up as I saw Karen walk out. But she walked through the door the policeman went through, not through the door that led out to the corridor. _Where was she going?_ Katie sniffled again and reminded me of her. I looked down at her.

"I want to go home! Take me home Emily!" She cried out and stood up as I fumbled with my mobile phone to call dad.

"I'll be there in a bit. Right now I'm trying to fix the heat in the caravan love." I hung up and sat Katie down on a chair as I sat down beside her.

Katie didn't let me go when dad came to pick her up. Everyone else except Naomi had left, and of course Karen whom I believed still was in the other room. I tried to wriggle out of Katie's grip but she just grabbed me tighter.

"Emsy you will follow me won't you?" Katie looked up at me as I looked at Naomi.

I suspect she had waited for me, sitting quietly on her chair for the last 40 minutes. She just walked pass me and kissed me on the head, then she left. I took it as a yes, but I couldn't stop feeling that something wasn't right. But with a crying Katie in my arms I wasn't allowed to think of it any further. I walked out towards the car with Katie hanging all over me.

* * *

**On the way home to Naomi – 9:30 Pm**

Naomi

I kicked a stone towards the middle of the road. The night was chilly and I was tired. I walked slowly trying to think about what just had happened. I never really knew Freddie, but I knew he was Cook best friend. And Cook mattered to me so I guess Freddie mattered to me as well. I knew Cook was innocent, he loved Freddie too much.

I knew I owed Cook... he had saved me from jail by taking the responsibility for selling that fucking MDMA to that Sophia, the girl I fucked. _'No stop Naomi. Emily has forgiven me so stop thinking about that!' _Anyway, I needed to think of some way to get Cook out... My eyes got heavier and I felt the longing for a warm bed, I didn't know why I sat in the police station for that long...

_'I waited for Emily'. _I had to remind myself that I had waited for my girlfriend. But I had known deep down that she would follow Katie back to theirs. I couldn't help feeling a bit hurt. I poured my heart out for her just a couple of days ago and I wanted her to tell me that she was mine that everything was going to be fine. I wanted Emily to hold me and kiss me, and I wanted to snuggle up beside her. But Katie needed her, and Emily wanted to be with Katie right now. And whatever Emily wanted was fine for me. I just hoped she would come back tonight...

"Hey you! You shouldn't be out this late beautiful." A man in his late thirty's walked towards me leaving two other men he probably knew by an entrance to a pub. He came and put an arm around me.

I could smell alcohol from his breath as he spoke. He had brown hair and looked quite attractive for his age. I noticed that he wore an expensive jacket, '_So he was rich?'_ He started to run his hand across my back and down towards my arse.

"Leave me the fuck alone!" I threw his arm of me and started quickly to walk away. I felt my heart pounding as I got scared. He grabbed my arm and threw me back against the road. I felt a tremendous pain in the back of my head. I suspected I had hit the asphalt with the back of my head. I sat up and looked down and saw blood on the road where my head had been. I quickly got up and looked around, probably too fast because everything went blurry and it felt as I was about to lose my balance.

When everything went clear again I realized that I was almost surrounded by 3 men. The man that had thrown me back and the other two he had spoken to when I passed him before. They all came closer. In panic I hit the closest one right over the face. I didn't know where I had hit him because I had just closed my eyes as I punched. In retrospect, I remembered what Cook had taught me; never strike someone with closed eyes. But the man I had aimed for wobbled back a few steps, so I must have hit him somewhere in the face...

"Cheeky hey? I like it." He said as he rubbed his chin. I saw that he was red where my fist had hit him. _'Jesus, I hit him!'_

I turned around and started to run. I didn't see where I ran, but I ran as fast as I could, ran away as they shouted after me. When I couldn't hear their voices anymore I stopped. My head pounded and when I touched the back of my head my hand became all bloody.

I looked around realising I had run in the wrong direction... I had to turn back. _'No I didn't want to go back and pass them again'_. So I started to walk, taking a long way around to get back home.

As I walked I felt my head pounding. I got dizzy and my eyes couldn't focus. And when I was almost home… it all went black…

* * *

**Somewhere in Bristol – 11:56 Pm**

Effy

It was almost midnight, I had walked for hours. I didn't know where I was heading. I felt too sad to think, my heart felt as if it was going to explode. I walked around, crying with my arms wrapped around me. I knew I would catch a cold. Leggings and a shirt just won't do the chilly nights in Bristol.

_'Fuck you Foster! I never want to see you again'. _I couldn't believe that Freddie was dead because of him, I had trusted John, I thought he made me better... And now Freddie was dead just because Freddie had cared for me. It was I all my fault.

I remembered the day Freddie came running towards me. It was the day I was out on the raft and he had been swimming towards me, embracing me and telling me he loved me. He had kissed me soft, with passion. No one had ever kissed me like that. That was the happiest day of my life. I loved him back, of course I did, but I was a fucking coward. I was so afraid of committing myself to someone that I had pushed him away. If I only would have been brave enough maybe our time together would have been longer and not only in a mental health department.

But it was all too late. I would never get to see him again. Never kiss him and never tell him how much I loved him. I still love him, I think I always will. Sometimes I wondered what would have happened if I never fucked Cook. I had only fucked Cook because he was just a fuck with no feelings involved, just a mindless fuck. If that never had happened would Freddie and I still be together?

_'Fucking hell Effy, it's no use thinking of that. It's all over…'_

I looked around and realized I had ended up somewhere outside town. I saw a bench and sat down. It smelled vomit and alcohol. But I didn't care, I was too tired. I lay down and tried to fall asleep. _I won't go back home for a while, I need some time alone..._

* * *

**In the Fitch caravan- earlier**

Katie

I couldn't stop crying. I didn't want to let go of Emily. This afternoon had broken my world. I didn't want to believe that Freddie was dead. I knew I had only been a fuck for him, he never loved me. He had loved Effy all the time. I hated Effy Stonem! I loved Freddie, probably the only one I ever loved. But he didn't love me back. _'Fuck you Effy, you hit me with a rock and stole my boyfriend! Don't I deserve love?'_

I had fucked al lot of guys. Most of them were just mindless sex. But Freddie was different. I don't know why. When I had been with him I had felt special, I guess that it had been love for me...

I felt how Emily tried to get out of my grasp. She stood up and walked into the caravan, leaving me alone outside on the small stairs.

"I'll get you some water!" I heard Emily shout out of the caravan.

Then she came out with a glass and sat down beside me. I took the glass and drank it all in one gulp. Then I leaned my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. I loved that Emily was here with me and not with Naomi. Although I accepted their love I couldn't stop being jealous, now even more than before. I didn't have Freddie but they had each other...

"You will stay here with me Ems?" I asked and looked up at her.

She didn't answer but she shook her head.

"No, I need to get back to Naomi. But I will stay until you fall asleep." She said after a while.

Okay I would always come second. Naomi would always be more to Emily then I would ever be. '_That bitch!'_ I deserved Emily more than her, Emily was my sister. I grabbed Emily even tighter and held her. But she wriggled out of my grasp and faced me.

"I love you you know." She said.

"I know... but I want you to stay with me."

"I will stay, I promise."

She led me back inside. Oh how I hated to live in this small dumpster to caravan. I just hope that dad had fixed the heat. I won't go to sleep if I'm freezing cold. Last week the heat went off and every night felt like sleeping in an igloo.

Mum and dad weren't around. I didn't know where they were... James on the other hand slept on in the little bed above the small double bed where mum and dad slept.

As we got into the caravan I looked at the thing I was suppose to sleep on called bed. I just wished that Dad would get a real job and get us a real house. I crawled under the quilt and snuggled into Emily's side as she sat on the bedside. She stroked my hair as I fell asleep. '_When did she get so grown up?'_ But she will always be my little twin sister.

* * *

Emily

It didn't take long for Katie to fall asleep. As I stroked her over her dark-haired head I realized how much easier it must be for others to tell us apart when we didn't have the same hair color anymore. I got kind of glad when she dyed her hair a year ago. For once I got to be my own person.

It had been a long process of building up enough confidence to break free from Katie. And my mum hadn't been a lot of help. I knew she would always prefer Katie and only accepted me if was like her. Now I felt like I had my own life, but my mom could still not accept that I wasn't Katie.

I needed to get back to Naomi. I needed to see if she was alright. She probably was, but I didn't want her to think that I had forgotten her. I wiggled out of Katie's grip, went up, and left her. As I stepped outside the caravan and closed the door and turned around I saw my mum. _'Fuck!'_

"Emily you are home, why?" She asked crossing her arms, staring me down.

"No reason, Katie was upset and now I need to get back to Naomi."

I didn't wait for an answer. Jenna had never accepted that Naomi and I were couple. So I just walked past her without looking at her.

"But Emily, are you going to leave if Katie needs you?"

"She's asleep."

"But pleas Emily stay here tonight, don't go back to Naomi."

I knew what she was hoping for. She wanted me to turn around and stay and tell her I'd rather be here with my fucked up family than be with Naomi. But that would never happen...

"Fuck off!" I snorted at her as I went past.

"Emily... she's no good for you. You don't love her, I know that!"

I just left walking back towards Naomi's house. I hadn't had time to think about what had happened at the police station earlier that evening. I had spent the whole night in Katie's grasp. I knew she loved Freddie. I just couldn't understand why, he just shagged her to get over Effy. That clearly hadn't worked for him. So I knew Katie needed me. But she was asleep so I used the opportunity to get back to Naomi.

I looked up in the dark night sky and saw the stars. It reminded me of the time I spent whit Naomi by the lake around one and a half year ago. It was the first time we ever made love. I knew how happy I felt at that time. I thought that from that moment on it was going be us together. But no, she wasn't brave enough. But at the Love Ball one year ago she had finally stepped up and showed that the she loved me back. That night by the lake the stars shined, just like this night. It reminded me of Naomi, my beautiful Naomi. But so much had happened tonight that it was hard to believe that that night by the lake was nothing more than a dream.

As I got back to the house it was empty. I couldn't find Naomi, I couldn't find her anywhere. Not in the bed, on the loo, in the kitchen and not in the living room. I felt the panic start rising as I walked into the back yard. No, no Naomi...

Where could she have gone? She hadn't told me anything...

_'Okay maybe I'm worrying too much…she might just have gone somewhere else tonight… but where?'_

* * *

**Authors Note:** Now the story is picking up speed… Will Emily find Naomi?


	3. Chapter 3 - Where are you?

**Authors Note:**I became really happy over the reviews, and I hope you like this chapter as well. :)

* * *

**Chapter Three**

**In jail – 9 Am**

Cook

"You should go home Karen." I looked at Karen on the other side of the table and leaned back over the chair as I yawned.

"I can't, I need to know everything."

_She wouldn't give up would she?_

I looked at her as she started to cry all over again. _'Why were girls always so emotional?'_ Well every girl I knew except for Naomi. That's why I liked her. But I won't admit that she was the only girl I enjoyed being with, without fucking them… She could stand up for herself and speak her mind. But now she was more on the emotional side, I blamed Emily for it. Although it didn't matter to me I guess…

"I have already told you everything I know. It's fucking hard for me to be here anyways. I practically turned myself in by calling the police, because of the fucking incident with the MDMA… I found Freddie's bloody clothes and Foster would have fucking kill me too if I wouldn't have hit him."

I knew I had some time left to do in custody because of that MDMA thing. I knew I could handle it, but another arrest on top of that could become too much for me to handle… _'The fucking Cookie-Monster needed his freedom.'_ But I knew I did it for Naomi. Otherwise Naomi would have gotten a fucking hard time and on top of that Emily would get depressed because of Naomi. If I took it on me no one would care, no one ever did, not even my mum. But I liked it that way.

I looked at Karen and her reddened eyes, she needed to go home. She had stayed the whole night trying to find out more about Freddie. If she wouldn't go home soon the police would drive her out, I was positive.

"Fuck it Karen, go home! You can come back later."

"Okay…" She stood up and went out through the door.

A policeman grabbed me hard by the arm and led me back to my cell. _'Ouch it fucking hurt.'_ They treated me as if I had killed someone… yeah that's right, they thought I had. Well their problem, not mine…

* * *

**Somewhere in Bristol – During**

Effy

Yesterday had been the day my heart broke. I didn't want to live any more… But what could I do?

I got up from the bench I had slept on. I started to walk, not knowing where I was heading. Sometimes you feel as if your brain stop working for you… this was a moment like that. I couldn't think straight, couldn't make up my mind about anything.

I stopped when I got to a crossroad and turned left, not even looking at the signs. I didn't care where I would end up.

As I walked I felt the chain I had as a necklace bounce on my chest. I took it off and was just about to throw it away when I stopped in my motion. I weighed the chain between my hands, back and forth. I looked around and saw a tree with what looked like strong branches and underneath there was a bench.

'I could hang myself if I want to…'

I walked closer as I thought of my options. I could live without Freddie, or I could die and end the pain in my heart…

* * *

**In the Fitch family's caravan – 1:42 Pm**

Katie

Emily had left me. I noticed that when my hand went over the bedside searching after my twin sister's hand. I knew she would leave me.

I got up and looked at the time on my mobile. _'OMG is it afternoon already?'_

I had slept for longer than I had expected. Although it didn't matter, I had no plans that day, nor tomorrow. In fact I had no plans during the whole fucking summer.

I looked at my mobile phone. I had one missed call from an unknown number. _'Who could have wanted me something?'_

I tried to decide whether or not to call up. I never liked calling up an unknown number, because of the feeling about not knowing who would answer... But on the other hand, if it had been important they would call up again.

I decided to not care. I found two texts from Emily, one sent at about 5 o'clock this morning. _'What the fuck did she do up at that time?!'_ And the other one was received for a little more than an hour ago.

_-Katie have you seen Naomi? She didn't come home tonight._

_-Katie she is still not home. Please help me!_

_'What did she expect me to do?'_ I thought she overreacted. Naomi would probably get home later. She probably slept somewhere else, maybe with her mum at Kieran's apartment. _'Oh right, Kieran and Gina were still away travelling...' _But Naomi would with no doubts be back later. Emily always worried too much.

But I wanted to show Emily that I would always be there, even when the Lezzer wasn't. So I went to the front of the caravan, leaving James still asleep. He had started to sleep like a real teenager, late into the day and deep. When I got to the door I found a note taped to it.

_Me and dad are out trying to find a house. Love you._

_P.S Katie please don't leave James alone. Love Mum._

I ripped away the note and crumpled it. I felt as if Emily was more important right now. I opened the door and walked out, throwing the crumpled note behind me. James could hopefully look after himself for at least two hours.

As I got to Naomi's house I found Emily sitting on the floor right behind the door, staring in front of her. I bent down and waved my hand in front of her face.

"Hello? Someone home?"

She shook her head as if to return to reality. She looked up at me with worried eyes. _'Was it my turn to comfort her now?'_ I sat down beside her, wrapping my arm around her shoulders.

"We have got to find out where she is." Emily said after a while.

"I know, but how?"

"Call everyone!" Emily flew up from the floor as she finally got an idea.

I picked up my mobile phone and started to call everyone I could think of, Emily doing the same. After twenty minutes of calling we got to a conclusion. No one knew where she was. No one even had an idea of where she could be, no one had seen her since yesterday at the police station. Panda were the only one that gave a suggestion of where she could be, with Effy. Because of the fact that everyone we had called didn't know where Naomi was, and the only one that had not answered was Effy, it could be very possible. But the big problem was that neither of them had answered... Naomi's mobile phone had either run out of battery or she had turned it off. Effy on the other hand just hadn't answered.

Emily and I sank down on the sofa in the living room, not knowing what to do next. It was almost dinner time and even I started to get worried for Naomi. I looked down at my hands. _'Jesus, I need a manicure...' _My thoughts were interrupted by Emily, she had started to cry. I moved closer to her and gave her a tight hug.

"Don't cry. She will be back, I promise."

It didn't help. If something it just made things worse than it already was, because Emily began crying even more. I began stroking her hair and humming on a lullaby our mother used to sing to us when we were younger.

_Sleep my loves, please don't cry._

_Night will come and make everything all right._

_No worries no fears will be left._

_Tomorrow everything will be fine._

_Sleep my loves, you will find_

_that life will be so precious ._

_I am here and love you both._

_Tomorrow everything will be fine._

Emily stopped crying and after a while I noticed how her breathing changed, she had fallen asleep. It felt as if I needed to stay, but the clock was almost six and I needed to see if James was still alive. I knew he was but you never knew with him. He had probably found my thongs and had a lovely time by himself, something I needed to break off as quickly as I could.

I got up very carefully and placed Emily in a lying position on the sofa. Before I left I wrote a note that I put on the door, a habit I most certainly had gotten from mum. _If you put it on the door it will be noticed _she used to say.

_Emily I went back to the caravan to look after James. Please give me a call when you wake up. xoxo Katie_

* * *

**Somewhere in Bristol – 11 Pm**

Effy

_'Maybe not today' _I left the perfect tree and wandered on. I didn't know what had stopped me. But it must have been a thought from my subconsciousness.

It was late, and after wandering around all day long without any food I was both tired and hungry. I saw a small pub at the end of the street. I felt in my bra and found a couple of bucks. I almost always had money there. It was a good place if you didn't were anything with pockets.

I went in and sat down in a corner and ordered a sandwich. I looked around and found myself alone in the pub except for two women sitting by the bar drinking wine. When I got my food I ate it all at once, I was so hungry. I thought of ordering a drink. But after consideration I remembered that drinking when your head is not really clear is not the best idea. Learned from experience...

I went out in the chilly night air. '_Now I need to find somewhere to sleep...'_

I found a bench in a windless part of a park not far from the pub. It was surrounded by bushes so it was actually quite nice. Maybe I could get a dreamless night without any nightmares about Freddie...

* * *

**Somewhere in Bristol – 6 Am**

"Get up you fucking whore!" Someone kicked me off the bench I had slept on, well nearly slept on. I couldn't sleep once during all night. I couldn't stop thinking of Freddie. I did not move as I hit the ground, I just laid there. The cool ground gave me some sort of comfort.

"Are you deaf or what?!" Another foot hit me in the side.

I turned around slowly still lying and saw an old man with a grey beard and torn clothes looking down at me. I could tell he was drunk and probably high as well. He held a smoked joint between his fingers and he had a beer can in his jacket pocket.

"Deaf?! It's my bench so get the fuck out of here!" The old man snorted at me.

I didn't feel like arguing so I got up and started to walk away, still aimless…

After I had wandered around a couple of hours I looked around and recognized where I was. I was fairly close to Naomi's house, I could see it a couple of meters ahead. I just came from another side than usual. But I didn't feel like seeing anyone so I turned around and walked away. As I passed a crossing trail I saw a pair of feet stick out from a bush, and I noticed some blonde hair.

_'Probably a fucking homeless bastard that got too drunk.'_

I just kept on walking.

* * *

**Authors Note: **'What the fuck Effy...!'


	4. Chapter 4 - Wake up

**Authors Note: **We ended at a bit of a cliffhanger last time...

* * *

**Chapter four**

**At Naomi's house – 11 Am**

Emily

I woke up by the sun hitting my face causing me to squint. Naomi had not come home this night either, she had been gone since the night before. I just hoped she'd be back soon. I looked around searching for Katie. I remembered that she had been with me yesterday. _'Or was it a dream?'_

I got up and went to the kitchen. I found a note from Katie as I walked past the door.

_Emily I went back to the caravan to look after James. Please give me a call when you wake up. xoxo Katie_

I took the note and threw it in the trashcan. As I got into the kitchen I looked at the blackboard and saw that is was blank and clean... If you looked closely you could see some faint words and make them into sentences 'You are my lobster, I love you more than cheese.' I had wiped it all away a couple of months ago when I met Mandy.

_'Oh fuck! Mandy...'_

I had almost forgotten her. I hoped she had done the same with me. I didn't want to have anything to do with her. I had only been with her to punish Naomi, nothing had happened... I leaned closer to the blackboard and picked up a chalk and filled in the words. I knew I didn't need to, but it felt important to me.

As I stood leaned over the blackboard I looked out the window. _'What the fuck?!'_

I dropped the chalk and ran out of the house, I were in such a hurry that I forgot my shoes. My feet hurt when the small stones on the asphalt got pressed into my feet by my weight. Last time I saw her was when she ran out of the police station. I wanted to know where she had been and if she had seen Naomi... and probably also why she hadn't answered any of mine or Katie's calls.

"Effy wait!" I ran after her. But she didn't stop. Maybe she couldn't hear me or maybe she just ignored me. As I got closer I called her name again. Luckily she turned around so I stopped and looked at her.

I didn't get shocked when I saw her face, what could you expect from someone that had been out for days. Her makeup was ruined and she was black under her eyes and she practically looked like a mess. You could tell that she had cried, because of Freddie's death I guessed. I went up and hugged her, a smell of vomit and alcohol came over me. She hugged me back. That was the first time ever I hugged Effy as far as I could recall...

She leaned her head down on my shoulder, because she was quite a bit taller than me she had to bend down. Then I felt my shoulder getting wet as I heard that she started to cry. We just stood there for a bit. When she had calmed down I looked at her.

"Where have you been?"

"I've been here and there... sleeping on benches and... trying to think..." She answered very diffusely. But I understood that it had been hard for her so I didn't ask any more questions.

"Come with me and I'll get you something to eat." I took her by her waist and together we walked back to Naomi's.

As we walked past a crossing trail I saw a person lying on the trail, face down.

_'Oh my god, Naomi!'_

I let go of Effy and ran to the body on the trail. As I got to her I leaned down and saw that her whole neck was covered in blood. I turned her over so that she lay on her back. I put my hand underneath her head and looked up at Effy. She had followed me to Naomi a few steps behind and now she stood and looked with big eyes at me and Naomi.

I felt the tears coming as I desperately cried out to Effy to call the ambulance. Naomi was alive but barely. She was cold and her breathing was heavy, god knows how long she had been there. I leaned down and put my head against her forehead and closed my eyes as I felt the tears coming. I heard in the background how Effy were talking on the phone, hopefully to the ambulance.

_'Naomi, it's gonna be all right.'_

I whispered comforting, but I knew she couldn't hear me, or at least I expected her not to. I mostly did to myself, somehow to comfort myself more than to comfort Naomi. I felt an arm around my shoulder as Effy came and crouched down beside me. The crazy thing was that not for long ago I was the one comforting Effy, now the roles had changed.

* * *

**Outside Naomi's house – During**

Effy

As I walked away I heard a door swing open and someone called out something. I could not really make out the words so when I heard that someone was calling for me I stopped, shocked. I turned around and saw Emily running towards me without shoes. She stopped a meter in front of me and just looked at me. Then from nowhere she went up and hugged me tight.

_'Oh... she cares for me?'_

Then I remembered that she had called me several times yesterday, but at the time I had not felt like talking to anyone so I hadn't answered. Now she probably wondered why I hadn't answered. But the fact that someone cared made my eyes watery. I put my head on her shoulder and felt the warmth from her. It was nice with the feeling that I could cry out everything to someone's shoulder after being alone and cold.

As I did I felt everything come up again, Freddie. When the tears stopped coming I felt relieved. I had not felt the relief from crying for years, probably because I hadn't cried into someone's shoulders for years. She let go of me and looked at me.

"Where have you been?"

I thought about it for a second, not knowing what to answer. In reality I didn't even know where I had been...

"I've been here and there... sleeping on benches and trying to think..." That was the best I could come up with. I just hoped that she didn't ask any more questions.

"Come with me and I'll get you something to eat."

That sounded nice and tempting so I didn't struggle when she put her arm around my waist as we walked towards Naomi's house. Then suddenly she stopped and ran away from me. As I looked where she had run I saw that she had run towards the homeless I saw not long ago. I walked up to them and as she turned the body around I saw who it was.

_'Fucking hell it is Naomi!'_

My eyes widened as I looked at Emily and Naomi on the ground. Emily looked up at me with tear filled eyes and cried out for me to call the ambulance. It took a couple of seconds for me to take it all in, but when I had I picked up my mobile phone and called 999.

The station didn't want me to hang up as they sent out an ambulance. They wanted information about how Naomi was doing. I told them that she was fine, just unconscious. I crouched down beside Emily and put an arm around her. She had comforted me so now it was my turn. By the way I felt a lot better now than for an hour ago.

When the ambulance came two men came out and took out a stretcher from the back of the ambulance. When they got closer to us I had to almost drag Emily from Naomi and I held her as the men put Naomi onto the stretcher.

"She has got a big wound in the back of her head, something you didn't mention." The ambulance man looked concerned at me and Emily.

"Oh I'm sorry I didn't know..." I answered truthfully.

As I and Emily jumped into the back of the ambulance I saw the blood all over Naomi's neck. _'I don't understand how I could have missed that...'_

* * *

Emily

I looked down at Naomi on the stretcher. The ambulance man sat beside me on my right and Effy sat on the other side of the stretcher. I held Naomi's hand between both mine and stroked the back of her hand with my thumb.

"So are you her friends?" The ambulance man asked.

"I'm her friend and she is her girlfriend." Effy made a gesture towards me.

Thankfully Effy answered for me. I had a big lump in my throat so I wasn't even sure if I could speak. To Effy's answer the ambulance man looked from me to Naomi and back again. Then he didn't say anything more during the whole ride towards the hospital.

As we got to the hospital we were asked about where Naomi's parents were. When we answered that her mum where out traveling whit her 'boyfriend' they asked us about their number so they could call them.

We were not allowed to see Naomi during the whole examination and it was killing me. I wanted to be by her side so badly. Effy sat beside me and tried to comfort me, it didn't work. After a couple of minutes a nurse came up to us.

"We called her mum and she is coming straight away, she told us she might be a couple of hours away. But she will be here as soon as she can."

The nurse gave me a glass of water and the she left us. After about half an hour she came back and told us that they had examined Naomi and that we were free to see her if we wanted to. And of course I wanted to. So I walked, almost ran, after the nurse as she showed us the way. Effy walked a few meters behind me.

* * *

**At the hospital – 6:30 Pm**

A nurse

"Here are the diagnosis." The woman on the other side of the desk put a bundle of documents on the desk.

I took the documents from the desk and went towards the hospital room B43. All I knew was that there was a girl that had a big wound on the back of her head and that she was unconscious.

I read the documents I had gotten as I walked through the hallway.

_'How am I going to tell her relatives this?'_

I opened the door the hospital hall and found a redhead sitting by the bedside of the unconscious blonde, holding her hand. Behind the redhead a blonde woman stood, probably the unconscious girls mum. The woman held her hand on the redheads shoulder and I could tell that both had cried. The blonde girl in the bed had tubes going from her to a lot of machines by the bedside.

As I walked in they both looked up at me. This was the hard bit of my job. Don't get me wrong I love my job, but I hate when I have to tell heartbreaking news. I walked towards them and stayed by the foot end of the bed.

I took a deep breath and said "She is in a coma, we don't know if she will wake up…"

The woman and the redhead started to cry, and then the woman hugged the redhead and they just stood there, hugging each other.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Shall we stop here...? Maybe not…


	5. Chapter 5 - Memories

**Chapter five**

**At the hospital – 7 Pm**

Emily

_'No, no, no, she has got to wake up…'_

I felt how the tears started to come again, running down my cheek. Gina had left for about five minutes ago to get something to eat for us. I wasn't hungry, but it was nice of her to go anyway. Suddenly the door to the hall swung open and in came Katie.

"What the fuck, I was worried sick! You didn't answer your phone and you didn't call me when you woke up!" Katie walked into the room and went silent as she saw Naomi.

_'Oh that's right she left a note on the door…'_

"Sorry Katie... How did you know where I was?"

She must have heard the lump in my throat because she calmed down and went up and hugged me.

"I called Effy who actually answered this time."

She stood up and I sat down so the hug got me into a very uncomfortable position. Thankfully it was quickly over . I didn't want to cry... but the tears came anyway.

"They don't know if she's going to wake up…" I looked up at Katie with watery eyes.

She didn't answer, of course. What would one answer to a thing like that, it wasn't even a question. Katie dragged a chair that had stood against the wall and placed it beside mine. She wrapped an arm around me and just sat quietly by my side.

After a while Gina came in through the door and she stopped as she saw me and Katie. She held two sandwiches in her hands and a bottle of water squeezed between her arm and her stomach.

"So you must be Katie." Gina looked at Katie and smiled.

"Yes I am, sorry if I'm intruding."

"Oh no, Naomi have told me about you and I am sure that she would have been happy if she knew that you were here." Gina continued smiling as she walked up and placed the sandwiches on the bedside table.

"Shall I get one for you as well Katie?" She looked at Katie.

"No thanks I'm not hungry." Katie answered and smiled back at Gina.

"She will wake up. I'm sure of it…" Gina said comforting and put a hand on my shoulder.

It was nice to have Gina there. She was always so caring and nice. Although Naomi was her daughter she took her accident so good. After she had cried over Naomi for the first twenty minutes she had turned her attention towards me, trying to comfort me. Gina was more support to me than my own mother. I was not even sure if Jenna even knew of what had happened. And even if she knew she would probably not even care.

I bent over the hospital bed and kissed Naomi on her lips. It felt strange. She felt so far away, her lips not responding to the kiss. I started to cry again.

* * *

**During**

Effy

I had left Emily alone with Naomi. On the way out of the hospital I met Gina. She ran across the hallway towards the room I had just left. She got there pretty quick I thought. On the other hand I hadn't even known where she had been. I crossed my arms in front of me and walked out of the hospital.

I planned to come back tomorrow expecting to meet Emily again. I really wanted to be there for her right now. I knew how it felt, loving someone that felt unreachable. And in her case Naomi really was unreachable.

During this whole thing with Naomi I had almost forgotten about Freddie. I guess that it was good because you can't grieve the dead forever. And I couldn't end my life right now because of everything with Naomi. That would be unfair.

* * *

**At the hospital – 9 Pm**

Katie

"Emily you and I need to go home and get some sleep." I looked at Emily but she didn't move or answer.

"Katie is right. I'll stay here tonight and call you if anything happens. Go home." Gina backed me up and thankfully Emily got up and walked away with me, without saying a word.

Before I left the room I looked back at Gina over my shoulder. She just smiled lightly and waved goodbye.

Emily was a few steps in front of me. So I took longer steps until I could walk beside her.

"What if she won't wake up…?" Emily asked and at me.

I didn't know what to answer to something like that. Honestly I didn't even know what the doctors had said to Emily and Gina.

"You heard Gina, she is positive Naomi will wake up." That was all I could find myself saying.

Emily didn't say anything more on the way out of the hospital. I picked up my mobile phone and called for dad to pick us up. When I looked at the screen I could see one missed call from 'Unknown number'. _'So it must have been important…'_ I thought as I remembered the missed calls from yesterday. So I decided to call up later.

When dad came he had a concerned look on his face as he said "Why where you here at the hospital. Has something happened?"

"It's Naomi. She is unconscious." I answered as I got into the car.

"Oh my..." Was dad's respond to what I just said.

As we got home, as I expected, mum questioned us about why we had been at the hospital. Emily clearly didn't want to speak about it because she just walked to the back of the caravan and went straight to bed. When I told mum about Naomi she just continued washing the dishes and acted as if nothing had been said. I went up to her and said to her back.

"Mum, could you at least act as if you cared about Naomi. Emily does so you should as well. I've told you, stop pushing us away…" I just left it at that and went to bed.

_'Oh fuck, I forgot to call back…"_

* * *

**At the hospital – 5 Am**

Gina

She looked so peaceful where she lay. I got up from the mattress on the floor and walked up to the bedside. I stroked her hair where she lay and it reminded me of all the times I had stroked her hair when she was little.

She had always been such a strong minded girl. She always stood up for herself, I was so proud of her. And her love to Emily was so amazing. I never expected her to find love, not least accept it. I didn't know why she used to have such problems with letting people love her… she must have been very lonely before Emily came along.

I felt so ashamed of myself for not being the mother I was supposed to be. I made the change for almost two years ago and stepped up and became a mother to my beautiful daughter. My life had changed a lot over the last two years. I felt more like a family mum than a hippie… Strange enough I liked it. Not living in a community I finally had time for the one I loved the most, my daughter.

The door opened and someone came in. I looked up and saw Kieran. He had come into my life, not like all the men that had been in my life before. Kieran had stayed along with me , he hadn't left me. I was beginning to think that Kieran might be the man of my life. He was nice and he cared about Naomi. But as an old fashion hippie I didn't want to commit to anything. I was happy the way it was, just us two without any commitments.

"How is she?" Kieran put an arm around me.

"She's fine. She will wake up. I can feel it." I smiled a little to my own convincing voice.

"I'm sure you're right."

"I have to be..." I felt a little tear finding its way out of the outer corner of my eye. I wiped it off with my hand.

I looked down at Naomi and watched her breathing. If you didn't know that she was unconscious you would just think she slept. I took her hand in mine and kissed it lightly.

A nurse came in and checked the monitors attached to Naomi. She looked at us with compassion in her eyes.

"Have you noticed any change in her breathing?" the nurse asked.

"No. Do you know anything about her wound on her head?" I asked.

"No we don't know what happened. The doctor expects that something big and flat hit her, because her skull was cracked and flattened where she hit something. But whatever hit her it must have had something on it that could give bleeding wounds..."

I just felt shocked from what the nurse told me. _'Could someone have hit my daughter? If so, why...?'_

The doctor had told me that she must have laid outside for at least 24 hours. She was so cold when they got there. Emily said that Naomi had been missing two nights before she accidently found her unconscious on a trail.

The nurse left me and Kieran. Kieran kissed me on my cheek and gave me a loose hug. I put my head on his shoulders and closed my eyes.

* * *

**In the Fitch family's caravan – 8:43 Am**

Emily

"Emily your phone!" Katie screamed in my ear as she threw my mobile phone on my stomach.

"What the fuck was that good for?!" I asked as I sat up in the bed and picked up my phone.

When I saw that it was Gina I quickly answered.

"Has anything happened?" I asked.

"Yes, she is about to wake up, you'd better come quick!"

I hung up and quickly got dressed. Then I hurried to the hospital and ran through the hallways towards the room Naomi was in. I saw Gina sitting next to Naomi holding her hand and Kieran slept on a chair in the corner of the room. A nurse stood on the other side of the bed watching the monitors. I walked up to the bedside and looked at Naomi as she started to move. She tilted her head slowly towards her mum and I saw that she slowly opened her eyes.

"Mum...?" Naomi asked quietly.

I couldn't believe it, she actually woke up. I walked closer.

"I'm here love." Gina's voice almost broke as she answered and she kissed Naomi's hand.

Naomi looked up and at me.

"Naomi..." I said her name softly as I smiled towards her.

She smiled back and then she looked at Gina with confusion in her eyes.

"Who is she?" Naomi asked...

_'What the fuck, Naomi it's me!'_ I thought as my head started to spin. _'She doesn't recognize me?!'_

* * *

**Authors Note: **I know I'm taking it slow. But I can't ruin the story by telling you everything at once ;)


	6. Chapter 6 - Remember

**Authors Note: **I'm so happy that you are reading this story. It really means a lot to me that someone actually reads it. So thank you. Please leave a review if you liked it.

Hugs and Kisses from me! xoxo

* * *

**Chapter six**

**At the hospital – 9:15 Am**

Naomi

I started to hear something. It felt like waking up slowly from a long deep sleep. I heard my mum's voice and tilted my head towards the sound. I opened my eyes slowly because my eyes were not accustomed to the light.

"Mum...?" I asked quietly.

"I'm here love." Mum answered as she kissed my hand.

Then I saw someone else beside mum, a short girl with red hair. She was beautiful. She reminded me of someone, but I could not remember who...

"Naomi..." She said my name_... 'Does she know who I am?'_ Her voice was husky and rough, it was absolutely beautiful. The sound of her voice gave me a strange feeling inside. It tingled inside my body. There was something more I felt at the sound of her voice... But what was it?

"Who is she?" I asked my mum, hoping she would have a good answer.

But after my question both the red-haired girl and my mum looked confused at me, as if I had said something wrong...

"You don't remember me?" The redhead asked.

I shook my head and saw her eyes going watery. _'Am I supposed to?' _The red haired girl looked at me with hurt and confusion in her eyes.

"I'm Emily…" Then she just turned around and walked out of the room.

The nurse that stood beside the bed looked shocked at my mum.

"Oh my God… I think she has lost her memory…!" The nurse said and ran out of the room.

I looked around and felt strange. _'Had I lost my memory?'_ No… I felt totally normal. I remembered my mum so I couldn't have lost my memory. I heard a snore from the corner of the room and looked up. A strange man sat in a chair sleeping.

"Mum who is he?" I asked my mum, whom looked at me even more confused than before.

"That's Kieran. He is my… new boyfriend…" She smiled unconvincing.

"He lives with us as well?" I asked. It would not be the first time mum allowed someone else to live in our house. As I could recall we had at least five people staying at our house at the moment.

"No hun… I threw the rest of them out. It's just him right now…"

My mum's answer surprised me. '_She had finally emptied our house…?'_

* * *

**At the hospital**

Emily

_'She can´t remember me...'_ The reality sank in with such force that it gave me a headache. What was I supposed to do if she had forgotten me? A nurse came walking towards me across the hallway. She stopped in front of me.

"We are going to run some tests on her to see how much she has forgotten. I'll tell you when we are done." She smiled at me and walked into the room Naomi was in followed by another nurse and a doctor.

I didn't want to see Naomi at the moment. So I sank down on a hard sofa in the hallway. I put my feet up on the sofa and wrapped my arms around my knees.

Twenty minutes later the nurse that had talked to me earlier came out. She had worried eyes and something told me that I wasn't going to get any good news.

"She has forgotten some things here and there... All of her memories from her childhood are left and most of her memories from elementary school are left. But the last three years seems to be very diffuse." The nurse sighed deeply and gave me a comforting pat on my shoulder as she walked away.

It reminded me of when Effy lost her memories to John Foster. But this time Naomi wasn't left whit love. She had forgotten me completely… I think I sat there the whole morning because Gina came out and sat down beside me.

"Hey are you still here? … They said that her memory can come back, if we just let her know everything slowly. And by telling her about life she can probably recall everything." Gina smiled at me and gave me a hug.

I didn't feel like smiling so I just hugged her back.

"Want some lunch?" Gina looked at me.

I just shook my head. I didn't feel like eating at that time. All I wanted to do was to tell Naomi everything about us. But I knew that I couldn't risk the fact that she wouldn't believe me. If she didn't believe me I could have ruined us by telling her.

"You won't tell her about us? She won't believe it…" I looked at Gina. The last thing I wanted is for her to think that WE were something that had never existed.

"No I promise hun. But you should get to know her... You know from the start" She gave me a faint smile and walked away towards the hospital café.

I knew she was right. I knew I needed to get to know her all over again. If I did she would hopefully remember the rest by herself… I didn't know if it would work. But at least I now had a plan.

But I wanted some time to think so I went back to the caravan. As I got back I met my dad. He had a big smile on his face and came straight up and gave me a hug.

"We have bought a new house!" He let me go and when he saw my face his smile disappeared.

"What is it love?" He asked confused.

I hugged him again and started to cry. I felt so hopeless about everything, Naomi and I had worked things out. Now that was useless because she couldn't even remember me. _'Life is so fucking unfair!'_

"Naomi… she can't remember me…" I cried out as I hugged him harder.

I saw from the corner of my eye how Katie stood in the doorway with mum looking over Katie's shoulder at me and dad.

* * *

**At the hospital – 5 Pm**

Naomi

I had fallen asleep after the doctor's examination of me. He and mum had asked me questions and as I answered the doctor scribbled down something on a piece of paper. I didn't know what that was good for. They had asked me questions about my relationships and school stuff mostly. I didn't feel like arguing because I realized that every time I got upset or tried to think too hard my head started to hurt like hell.

I looked around and realized that the hospital hall was empty. The doctor had told me that I was there because of a concussion and that I had lost a lot of my memory. Mum had told me about my last years at the Roundview College. As she had told me about it I remembered some names and I felt some feelings. But it all felt so unnatural, as if I felt something someone else had experienced. I wanted my memories back. I just didn't how to do it.

I wanted to stretch my legs so I got up from the bed and walked towards the hallway. As I opened the door I almost walked into someone. I looked at a tall brown haired girl with fishnet stockings and a gray tunic. _'I remember her… I think I do…'_

"Ef…f….y?" I asked, not knowing if I was right.

"Hi Naomi. How are you?" She looked through mascara heavy eyelashes at me.

"I'm fine. I just don't really remember you…" But I felt something. It felt like if she knew something about me that no one else knew…

She laughed and looked at me.

"So you have lost your memory?"

"I guess so…"

"Well I know all about it." She walked pass me and sat down on the bedside. Then she gestured for me to come and sit next to her.

So I did. I sat down by her side and looked at her. It felt quite awkward because she felt like a stranger to me. But she acted as if she had known me a long time, which she probably had. I probably knew her as well but I couldn't shake off the feeling that she knew something about me no one else knew, and I probably didn't know it either. That scared me a lot.

"Do you know who I am?" Effy asked after a moment o silence.

"No, nor´t really." I answered trying to think hard. But my head stopped me after just a few seconds of effort.

"I'm Effy. I went to the same Collage as you, Roundview College. I fucked Cook even though I loved Freddie. My best friend is Pandora or Panda as everyone calls her. We went to the same pajamas party and last time you saw me was probably at the police station after Freddie's death…"She paused and looked at me.

I tried to take it all in. Some pictures appeared in my head of her in a hallway, probably at the collage. The name Cook made me smile and the name Freddie gave me an uneasy feeling… I knew he was dead. I remembered that John Foster killed him. But Cook didn't fit into my memories. All my memories involved the red haired girl from this morning whom was called Emily, I didn't know why but they did. And when Effy told me about a pajamas party my body exploded with feelings and then I couldn't remember anything more, my head went blank.

"Too much?" She asked because I had become silent.

"No, I think I know you." But it still felt as if I remembered someone else's experiences. But maybe that was the way the past was going to feel when I remembered it…

* * *

**Authors Note: **What do you think about the story so far?


	7. Chapter 7 - Who are you?

**Authors Note: **I have been writing with joy these last couple of days. That you guys are reading it makes it worth writing! R+R please.

* * *

**Chapter seven**

**At the hospital – 11 Am**

Naomi

Yesterday Effy had given me a lot of memories to sort out. When she had left I thought about everything she had said. Some of it made sense, but most of it didn't. I walked through the hallway and on my way back I saw my mum come out of the room I had. She looked worried, but when she saw me she smiled and sighed.

"Where were you?" She asked and gave me a hug.

"I just stretched my legs."

"Are you all right? I saw that someone had visited you." She led me back into the room.

"Yhea. It was Effy. She told me a bunch of stuff…" I smiled at my mum.

"And…?"

"Well I remember that Freddie is dead… But I don't know who he is. And she mentioned a Panda…" I tried to remember, but I just couldn't…

"Oh well love, you will remember everything soon enough. I promise." Mum used her hand and put my hair behind my ear.

My hair was very long. I knew I had short hair before I began collage. And now… it was long.

"Mum… I want to remember. But I don't want it to feel like this when I do…" I looked at her and she looked confused back at me.

"When I remember things it feels as if they are someone else's memories. I don't like that…" I continued.

"Love, it may feel strange at first but when you get all of the pieces I promise that you will remember everything as your own experiences." She smiled at me and kissed me on my forehead.

Suddenly I felt a familiar feeling. My mum had never been the mum that would have a comforting chat with you, at least not what I could remember. But I felt like she had had a conversation about finding yourself with me before. _'Could I ask her what it was about?'_

* * *

**In the Fitch family's caravan -During**

Katie

"Could you pack these down?"

"Sure mum." I took the clothes from her hands and packed them down into a cardboard box.

Finally we were on our way to move out from this small idiotic caravan. I had grown so tired of living so close to my fucking family that I would explode if I had to live one day more in the same room as them. I had lived in the same room as Emily my whole life and that was bad enough. Thankfully, last year she had lived with Naomi. But now Emily was back home because the lezzer was in hospital …

I carried the box out to our car where dad put it in the boot. I turned around and saw Emily on her way out of the caravan. She walked pass me and out on the road.

"Hey! Where are you going?" I shouted after her.

"I'm going to get to know my girlfriend." She turned around and said.

_'What the fuck?!'_ What did she mean by that? If I remembered right they had been together for a year now, probably even longer. They had probably had some muff-monkey business behind everyone's back longer than I knew off anyway…

"I'll follow you." She didn't say anything so I ran and caught up with her.

"What did you mean with getting to know her again?"

"You know she lost her memory right?" She said and stared down at her feet as we walked.

Actually I had forgotten that. But now I remembered her saying it to dad yesterday. I took her by the arm and we walked under silence.

When we got to the hospital we met Gina outside Naomi's room. She gave me and my sister a hug.

"She gets to leave the hospital during daytime now. So I suggest you take her somewhere."Gina looked at my sister and smiled lightly.

Emily nodded but didn't say anything.

"Good idea Gina!" I answered for Emily.

"But I just want to see her before they go anywhere." I smiled at Gina and walked into the room, Emily a few steps behind me.

Naomi sat on a chair by the window and it looked like she was in deep thought. When I cleared my throat she looked up at me. Something was not the same…. She used to look at me with a bitchy look on her face. But now she looked as if she was sort of happy to see me… I never realized that memories could build a whole personality…

* * *

**Somewhere in Bristol -During**

Effy

After I had left Naomi yesterday I wondered if I had said too much. She looked as if she had a hard time taking in all the information I had given her. I actually went to Karen after my visit at Naomi. We had talked the whole night and she offered me to sleep on the couch. At the time I didn't feel like going anywhere so I accepted the offer.

"Hello get up it is late!" Karen's voice woke me up from my nightmare.

It was the nightmare I had dreamed every night since I got to know about Freddie's death. It was me running towards Freddie. But when I reach him he disappeared and I was left all alone in the darkness.

"Why?" I grunted and sat up in the sofa.

"It´s midday…" Karen stood at the doorway and looked at me with big eyes and crossed arms.

"Fuck off!" I took the quilt and pulled it over my head.

I didn´t want to go back to sleep because of the nightmares, but it was nice to sleep on something soft for once. My back had got tired of benches.

Someone dragged the quilt off me. I knew it was Karen and she just smiled at me when I gave her the bitch gaze.

"Breakfast." She said and turned around and walked out of the room.

I got up and walked after her. We had never really talked before. The only thing we had in common was, and had always been, Freddie. She thankfully didn't blame me for Freddie´s death. Although she could have, if it wasn't for me he never would have died…

Yesterday she told me something Cook told her, about how he found Dr. John Foster. Apparently John was still in a coma. Cook´s trial was supposed to be in a couple of days and I wanted to be there. But it could be postponed if John didn´t wake up…

* * *

**At the hospital**

Naomi

"How are you Naomi?"

_'Emily?' _No the girl didn't have the beautiful husky voice Emily had. And she wore clothes that made her look like a whore. But maybe she was my friend so I smiled at her, very confused. The girl looked so much like Emily, but still she didn't. It was very confusing...

I could see Emily come in as well, a few steps behind the other girl. The girl must have seen my confused face because she smiled a sympathetic smile.

"Oh I am sorry. I´m Katie, Emily's twin sister."

It sounded familiar. And the crazy thing was that I could remember Katie. She had attended the same collage as me… But I still didn´t know where I had met Emily. But if they were twins she probably went to the same collage as me as well. I searched in my mind a few seconds. Then I remembered that Katie was a bitch. I didn't know why it just felt like it.

"So you both went to Roundview College?"

They both nodded and then Emily gave Katie a look and Katie turned around and walked out of the room. It must have been one of those 'go away' looks. I couldn´t really see because Emily was facing away from me.

"Nice to see you!" Katie shouted over her shoulder as she walked out.

Emily came up to me and sat down on a chair beside me. I felt a tension in the air and I didn´t like it… But it was something about her…

"Where have I met you before…?" I wanted to know, because it felt as if she had meant something to me…

"I can tell you that later. Want to go for a walk with me?" Emily asked and smiled shy at me.

I nodded and got up. I took some clothes out of a bag and quickly got changed. It was a nice feeling to get rid of the hospital gown and I finally felt a bit more alive.

The sun outside shone and it was a nice summer day, unusually nice for England. England often had these cloudy summer days with rain. And if the sun ever appeared it wasn't for very long.

"Where are we going?" I asked Emily.

"I don't know…" She smiled and started to walk.

I just walked by her side silent. We walked under silence until we reached a park. The park was almost empty. Emily sat down on a bench and I sat down beside her. I looked at her perfect profile, her beautiful red hair and beautiful rosy cheeks. I felt something inside me, it sort of tingled inside, when I looked at her in the sunshine. She was so beautiful and I wanted her to tell me who she was so bad.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Please leave your thoughts in a review.


	8. Chapter 8 - Someone

**Chapter eight**

**At the park – 3 Pm**

Emily

I was on my way back home. The conversation had been pretty slow and I just felt as if I needed some time to think. So we had said goodbye after a little chat in the park.

As I got to the caravan I found mum and Katie packing down stuff into cardboard boxes and wrapping in china in newspaper.

"So..?" Katie asked and put her hand on her hip.

"Well we just had a nice chat."

"About what?"

"This and that. Please, it's none of your business."I walked past Katie and lay down on the small bed.

* * *

Naomi

She hadn't said much about who she was. _'Maybe she was someone I hated…' _But I shook off that feeling. I really liked Emily and I hoped that she liked me back.

I stood up from the bench and started to walk. After a while I stopped and looked down on my feet. I saw a bloodstain on the asphalt. I looked up and found myself standing outside a pub.

_'Someone hit me with a rock!'_

I remembered the man with the alcohol breath and the other men. I had hit one of them after he had dragged me back so that I fell onto the road. I felt a pounding in the back of my head as I remembered.

I ran my hand over my head and I felt the stitches of the sewn wound.

I felt strange being there so I continued walking. Then I found myself outside another pub. This pub however gave me a feeling of comfort. _'It's Keith's pub…'_

I stepped inside and familiar scent found its way into my nose.

"Naomi!"

I looked around and found Effy and a girl sitting by a table.

"Come here and sit with us. This is Karen." Effy said making a gesture towards the girl beside her.

I just smiled, and then I looked confused at Effy while I sat down with them.

"Oh God, you've lost your memory?" The girl asked and leaned closer to me.

My reaction was to lean backwards. But I did it with such a force that my chair started to wobble. I put out my hands to regain my balance. Then I looked at Effy whom looked as if she were about to burst into a laughter.

"Yes she has… Karen is Freddie's sister." Effy said now dead serious.

"Yes I am. But I would totally understand if you can't remember me. I never spent time talking to you." Karen said smiling.

I smiled back. If I never had really talked to Karen then I guessed that it wouldn't matter if I remembered her or not. Because what was it really to remember?

"YOU!" A harsh voice behind my back said.

I turned around and saw a tall brown-haired girl stand behind me with both her hands on her hips.

_'If only looks could kill…'_

"Yeah…?" I asked not knowing if she was talking to me or not.

"Yeah you. Why the fuck do you have to take Emily!?" She raised her hand as if she was about to hit me.

_'I what…!' _I had only been to the park with Emily and we had only talked. How could that have been so bad? My head didn't want to cooperate with me on this one.

"I what…?" I asked feeling stupid as a cow.

I looked over my shoulder at Effy whom just sat with wide eyes and her mouth open. Karen sat just like Effy. So I didn't expect any help from there…

"Yeah you fucking bitch have to come and ruin it all!" The girl shouted at me still with her hand raised.

"Excuse me. You my friend are disturbing us." I heard Effy say behind my back.

"Yeah. If you don't mind, can you go somewhere else and shout?" Karen added.

I could see that the girl in front of me lost it for a second. She lowered her hand and looked confused between Effy, Karen and me.

"I know both of you!" She cried out after a few seconds of silence.

"Both of you where at her house that day when the police came searching for that guy… Cook right?" She continued as she looked at Karen and Effy and pointed at me.

_'…at my house?!'_

"What?" Effy asked smirking. "No I wasn't there."

"Well you said she was called Arcia and you accidentally called her Effy?" She looked at me with a sudden change in her voice.

"Fuck it. I'm Effy not Arcia." Effy said crossing her arms over her chest.

I just looked confused between the three of them. The tall girl who had totally lost her track raised her hand and slapped me right over my face. The burning heat on my cheek made my eyes water.

"You fucking leave Emily alone. You aren't worthy her." She yelled at me.

"I don't know Emily. So please will you explain?"

"You don't know her?" She asked and looked at me confused.

I just shook my head.

"But you are Naomi Campbell right?"

I nodded.

"And you don't want Emily?"

I just looked at her confused at that question.

"Well thank you." She said before turning her back towards me and walking away.

_'Arcia, my house, not worthy Emily, ruining what, take Emily, Effy…? _Everything just got messed up in my head.

"Who was she..?" I asked pointing in the direction she went, looking confused at Effy and Karen.

"Mandy…" Karen answered.

"Do I know her?"

"Probably not... She's Emily's friend if I remember right." Karen said and looked at Effy.

"Well don't look at me! I don't know her." Effy said raising her arms above her head.

"Well I guess she will remain a mystery to me." I said with a smile.

But something told me that it was not going to be that easy.

* * *

Effy

She left after a few hours. She told us that she was going to go back to the hospital. Me and Karen decided to stay a bit longer anyway.

"I don't want to go…" Karen said and looked sad.

"Why?" I asked.

"Well I don't want to be remembered all over again of what happened to my brother… Cook will be fine I know that. He doesn't need some extra eyes watching him."

"I want to go to the trial anyway." I said simply.

I understood that it was hard for Karen. She really loved her brother. In the beginning she loved him so much that she had not even been willing to let me near him. But she accepted me after a while thankfully.

"You will come, right?" Karen asked interrupting my thoughts.

"Erm… Sorry I wasn't listening. Where exactly will I come?"

"To Freddie's funeral…"

"Of course…" In reality I had forgotten that it was going to be a funeral.

But it always was one when someone had died…


	9. Chapter 9 - Mandy

**Authors Note: **I'm back! But I'm still on holiday so the update will be pretty irregular... I think. Or maybe I will write more than usual. But I hope you will read and review anyway, I really want to know what you think about the story.

* * *

**Chapter nine**

**At the Fitch Family's Caravan – 11 Am**

Emily

_'I don't want to do anything.'_ All I wanted to do was to lie in my bed and just wait for everything to get better. But I knew that it wouldn't. So I dragged myself out of bed and took a walk.

I walked past Naomi's house. And I looked at the blue door as I went past. That door had represented so much. It had been a barrier between us. It had been a shield for us from the world outside, it represented closed memories, pain, hurt and love. As I got to the corner of the block someone walked out in front of me.

"Mandy?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah…" She walked up to me.

"What do you want?" I asked chilly.

"How are you? I talked to Naomi yesterday…"

_'She had what?!'_

"But… where? What did she say?"

"She told me that she doesn't want you."

_'What?'_

"No… you are lying…" I said not really convinced of my own statement.

"Yes. She told me herself."

I started to walk again and I felt a tear lying in the corner of my eye, waiting to roll down my cheek. I heard footsteps behind me and understood that it was Mandy following me. I knew that it would be wrong to trust her, but what she had told me had rocked my whole world. It put out the last bit of hope I had left.

Everything I was afraid of was now confirmed. Naomi didn't want me. And that was as far as I came in analyzing what Mandy just had said. I had been too sad to think any further.

I walked to a bench and sat down. Then I felt the presence of Mandy beside me. She put her hand on my shoulder. I was too shaken to refuse her touch.

"I'm here for you…" She said.

I put my head on her shoulder and a thought hit me. Was I going to take Mandy back? She had followed me like a puppy ever since that time I had met her at the pub. I had only let her be around to make Naomi jealous. Was I going back to that stage? Making Naomi jealous? She didn't even want me, if Mandy had told me the truth.

"She remembers me then?" I asked.

"What…?" Mandy asked back.

I sat up straight and looked at her in confusion. _'What… If she didn't know that Naomi had lost her memory… then maybe she had misunderstood everything.'_

"She lost her memory… you didn't know?"

Mandy's face went from confused to thoughtful. Then she looked as if she remembered something.

"… Yeah I know. She said that she remembered you. She told me that you were a bitch and that she regretted everything you ever had together…" Mandy looked at me with a compassionate face.

_'No!'_

I didn't want to believe her. Maybe she lied to me… But what if she had told me the truth? I needed to find out. Mandy meant nothing to me. I need to try her.

"You're lying." I said and looked her sternly in the eye.

"No… of course not!"She flickered with her gaze.

I needed the truth and the only way I was going to get it was by asking Naomi myself.

I rose from the bench and felt Mandy gripping my hand stopping me in my motion.

"No don't go! I love you!" She cried at my back.

I didn't look at her I just shook off her hand and continued walking.

"I don't love you." I answered and walked away.

It was my turn to be strong, to stand up for my love. I needed to decide once and for all who I wanted to be with, who meant the most to me. It was Naomi, it had always been. But I had been such a fool towards her. I had played around, but now I wanted to get rid of Mandy forever.

"I don't want to see you again!"

I walked away, feeling Mandy's gaze burn me in the back.

"You bitch!" She cried out.

* * *

**At the hospital – 2 Pm**

Naomi

I sat in my room at the hospital on a chair beside a small table, eating a sandwich. When I had gotten back my mum had asked me where I had been and why I was red on my cheek. I told her about Effy and Karen but I left out one important thing. Yesterday at Keith's pub a girl named Mandy had hit me. It was a pure bitch slap and I was still sore over my cheek. I still didn't know why she had hit me. She had mentioned Emily, but it felt as if everyone had.

I knew that they hadn't but everything everyone said made me think of her. I didn't know why. Had she been such a huge part of my past? It felt unlikely that someone I couldn't remember would be meaningful to me. But on the other hand it must have been a reason for her to stay in my mind all the time.

All I could think of was her lips and her voice, her beautiful husky voice. And the tingle inside me when I heard it, and the way she made me feel.

"Hi! I need to ask you something…"

As if she heard my thoughts she came in through the door into the room.

"Ask on."

"Do you know me?"

"Erm…" I didn't know what to answer on that.

Emily looked at me with big eyes. They were a little red, so maybe she had cried.

"No I don't think so. But you must have been someone special." I gave her a smile.

"You don't remember me then?"

"No…"

She smiled a relieved smile and pulled out a chair and sat down beside me.

To be honest I was starting to get pretty tired of everything, people I'm supposed to know asking if I knew them, the frustration of not recognizing them, and even worse was the feeling of recognizing them but not remember them.


	10. Chapter 10 - Going somewhere

**Authors Note:** Now my holiday is over so I'm back full time.

* * *

**Chapter ten**

**At the park – 1 Pm**

Emily

It felt so strange. I didn't know what to say. It was like sitting next to a stranger, a very, very, very attractive stranger. But she didn´t know me. She made it clear when she asked me who I was. I turned to face her. She smiled lightly, maybe a bit shy.

"I'm Emily." I didn't know where to start so I just began with the simple stuff. I knew it was silly but what else was I supposed to say if she didn't' remember me…?

"I know." She laughed and wrinkled her nose in the cutest way.

_'How do you make someone love you?' _I looked at Naomi's beautiful face and her beautiful blonde hair and her beautiful blue eyes.

Then I got an idea. I grabbed Naomi's hand and ran with her to the bus station. We jumped on a bus and Naomi, still in shock, looked around in the bus, confused. We sat down beside each other and I accidentally placed my hand on Naomi's thigh. I felt how she froze for a second and I quickly removed my hand. She looked at me and smiled and my heart wanted to burst out in tears. There she sat so beautiful and I couldn't even kiss her. _'Fuck off memory loss!'_

"Where are we going?"

"I'm going to show you something that might help you remember who I am…"

I wasn't sure if it was going to work. But I had to try, even if I could scare her away by taking her to the place. I really didn't want to do that, but if it was my only chance I had to try. I knew I couldn't tell her with words. But maybe a place could help her remember.

"Who is Cook?" she asked out of the blue.

I didn't know why she thought about him, but I knew she needed to know who he was. So I changed my plan.

"…I'm going to show you." I quickly pushed the stop-button and dragged Naomi with me off the bus.

We walked a few blocks until we reached the police station. And when we stood outside the police station Naomi grabbed my hand and held it tight. My heart skipped happily but it stopped when I saw her worried face.

"I know who he is… He is in jail because of me. I sold MDMA!"

I felt the panic rise in me. I didn't want her to remember that first, because the MDMA would lead to Sophia. And I didn't want her to remember her before she knew me.

Naomi took a deep breath and then her eyes widened as if she remembered something more…

* * *

Naomi

I sold MDMA. Cook saved me from arrest. He was my best friend. My hand grabbed Emily's automatically, I didn't know why.

"I know who he is… He is in jail because of me. I sold MDMA!"

My head started to spin. _'Why had I sold MDMA in the first place?'_ I saw a girl. She lay on a black floor, dead. The room was full of people, and then I saw Emily on a rooftop on her way to jump off. _'I have killed someone!'_ I couldn't breathe and I saw that Emily looked worried at me.

"Emily… have I killed someone?"

She just shook her head and led me into the police station. A policeman showed us a room and Emily walked in and asked me to stay outside a few seconds. I saw her red hair disappear behind a gray door. I leaned back against the wall behind me and sank down onto the floor. My head felt so confused and it felt as if I never would remember anything.

"Come here." Emily opened the door and reached out her hand and I took it.

She led me into a room with a table with three chairs. Two on one side and on the other side a guy sat down. He looked familiar and smiled a crooked smile at me.

"Naomikins!" He laughed.

"Cook…?"

"She really has lost her memory hey?!" He laughed and turned towards Emily who nodded and sat down.

I walked up beside her and sat down too.

"How are you then Naomikiss?" Cook leaned over the table and put his hands together in front of him on the table.

"Confused… you were my best friend right... And you saved me from getting arrested for that MDMA incident...?" As I said that he looked at me with big eyes.

"Oh yhea! Remember good don't ya?" He laughed again.

"Yhea… but Cook?" Emily looked at Cook.

"Okay. I'm here because I sold MDMA and ran away and I hid at your place… Now I'm arrested because Freddie -"

I knew he gave me the MDMA and that I sold it, what he just told me was a lie. But he probably didn't want to talk about that at the police station. But the fact that he hid at my place sounded odd.

"I know everything about Freddie… But I never killed anyone?" I interrupted.

"No you didn't." Cook just smiled.

"But what about you, why were you at the roof?" I turned to Emily.

"I'll tell you later… But what do you remember?"

I couldn't help the feeling I had that they kept something hidden from me. Why couldn't they just tell me everything? But if it was about feelings I would understand why they didn't tell me. My memory makes me, I knew that know… _'Maybe I'm not the one they used to know…'_

"I remember Freddie, a little bit about Effy and Katie, and Effy mentioned a panda -"

Emily and Cook interrupted me by bursting out in laughter.

"Her name is Pandora and she is not a fucking panda!"Cook burst out as he laughed.

_'That's right… I was at Pandora's pyjamas party…'_

A flash of memories crossed my mind. And suddenly I remembered the spiced brownies, twister, and the liquor, and… Emily. Emily was there and the thought made it tingle in my lips. _'Why am I acting like this whenever I think of her?' _I made myself to stop thinking. So I looked at Cook who still laughed like. He looked a bit like a monkey.

Emily had stopped laughing and looked at me big eyed.

"So you remember my sister…?"

"Yeah I think I do… and I saw you behind her all the time in collage… and in primary school…"

I didn't know where those memories came from. I just said them without thinking. But when I reflected on it I realized that it must have been so. And we had kissed… in primary school and at Panda's party.

My head began to spin. I looked at her, beautiful Emily. We had kissed and as I looked at her I wanted to kiss her. But I didn't know if I could. If I had kissed her it must have been the past me, because I surely hadn't kissed her. I didn't know if I dared, didn't know how she would react. And with Cook there my choice was clear.

* * *

**On a bus - 3 Pm**

Emily

At least now Naomi remembered Cook and his brother. And she remembered Katie. I wanted to know what she thought off, what else she remembered. It felt so hard not knowing what she knew.

But now I wanted her to see something that could help her remember me. We had left Cook and we were on the bus again. We jumped off and walked a bit into the woods.

The road reminded me so much of the last time I was there. She had called me and asked if I wanted to go somewhere… anywhere.

* * *

**Authors Note:**_ 'Somewhere… anywhere ha?'_


	11. Chapter 11 - By the lake

**Chapter eleven**

**In the woods – 5 Pm**

Naomi

I didn't know why we walked into nowhere. I looked at Emily as she walked beside me, it looked as if she were about to start to cry. I placed my hand on her shoulder and she stopped.

"What is it?" I asked and looked her in the eye.

"Nothing… I'm just…"

I saw a tear coming down her cheek. Instinctively I pulled her into a hug, not that I use to be the sensitive one. But I felt protective over her.

She grabbed my shirt as I hugged her and she buried her head in my shoulder. Seeing her sad made me sad. I didn't know why, it just did…

Her sad face made me want to start to cry too, to hold her, to comfort her and to tell her that everything was going to be all right.

She pulled away from me and wiped her eyes and looked at me and smiled.

"It's just that… you were someone very special to me…"

"Oh…" was all I managed to answer.

_'What kind of relationship did we have before?'_

We walked a bit further into the woods. The thing was that it all felt sort of familiar…

We stopped by a lake and it took my breath away, it was so beautiful. The sun and the trees around the lake were reflected on the still surface. I sat down on the path and crossed my legs. Emily sat down beside me and looked out over the lake.

"It's beautiful." I said after a while.

"I know… Do you remember?"

Honestly I didn't. I wanted to, but I couldn't.

We sat in silence and looked out over the lake. It started to become twilight and the air went cooler. I heard some crickets make a beautiful sound. I lay down on my back and looked up in the sky.

"This reminds me of when me and my mum were and camped in the forest. I was ten back then. We slept under a bare sky… just like this… and she accidentally forgot a blanket so we slept on the bare ground as well. "

I smiled lightly at the memory. Then something struck me, I had never told that to anyone. I never told people about myself.

I was always the introverted person who made bitchy comments about others… _'Why does it feel as if I can tell Emily everything? I barely know her…'_

* * *

Emily

Sometimes I just wanted it all to be a dream. You can't understand how it feels to love someone that can't even remember you… But it wasn't a dream, sadly enough.

She sat up and looked at me and smiled. The smile hurt me, but she didn't know. It hurt me that she was out of reach and that only I alone held all our lovely memories. Every beautiful moment we had shared was now only my memories…

"Why are you so quiet?" Naomi asked and turned to me.

"…Erm… dunno…" _'Stupid, stupid, stupid'_

"Okay. So… why did you bring me here?"

"… You have been here before."

"…I thought so…" she said and looked around herself.

She turned to me and smiled one of those heartbreaking smiles again.

* * *

Naomi

I looked into her brown eyes.

All I felt was happiness and… something else, a tingle inside me, an urge to do something. I looked at Emily and the feeling got more intense.

She looked at me and it felt as if she saw right into my soul. I looked down. She held her hand on the path, right next to mine…

I hesitated… then I took it. Her hand was warm and soft and she squeezed my hand back, and sent a wave of emotions into me. I met her gaze and studied her beautiful face but my eyes stopped at her lips. They were rosy and soft and beautifully shaped.

They felt like a magnet, my lips wanted to touch them, to taste them… then I leaned forward and kissed her beautiful rosy lips. It just felt so right.

* * *

**Authors Note: **This was just a bit of fluff. I wanted something to happen ;)


	12. Chapter 12 - History repeating itself

**Chapter twelve**

**By the lake – 5:25 Pm**

Emily

_'Omg! She kissed me…'_

The taste of Naomi's lips was something I had longed for, for something that felt like forever. The decision to take her to the lake must have been good. Her mouth opened slowly and her tongue searched, carefully, in my mouth.

My tongue met hers and the warmth of her shot like a gun right through my body. My hands searched their way to her hair touching her gently on their way towards her face. I cupped her face between hands and stroked her hair as we kissed.

She pulled away and looked at me with a questioning expression. I smiled and kissed her again.

Her hands moved up my spine, leaving a feeling of joy in their tracks. But they stopped on my back and she pulled away from the kiss.

* * *

Naomi

_'I kissed her?!'_

It wasn't even me. Something in me just wanted her so bad, wanted Emily so much that it hurt ….

The kiss was amazing and lovely. Her hands on me were the most amazing thing I had ever felt. I wanted her… but was it just me mixing together memories or was it… love?

My hands walked up her spine automatically. But I stopped them and pulled away.

"I can't?" I said and looked into Emily's soft eyes.

"It's okay…" She smiled a light smile.

Those words made me… well I don't know. If we had kissed before then this couldn't be so wrong… I knew I wanted her, that I was attracted to her. She had attended the same collage as me so we must have met before except at panda's party…

I tried to remember but those memories must have been buried deep down in me. But it didn't matter right now. I wanted her, so I leaned forward and kissed her again, passionate. Our tongues entwined our hands searching on each other.

As we kissed her hands started to take off my jumper. A feeling came over me, a feeling of doubt. But the feeling didn't stay for long, soon enough the lust took over me and I started to explore Emily's body.

My hands were touching her, memorizing her figure and every little curve as I scanned her body.

I leaned back and just looked at her. She sat in front of me on her knees, wearing her skirt and t-shirt. My hands started to take off her shirt.

She kissed me again and my hands became busy trying to unhook her bra. As I did I realized I leaned on her and then we fell back on to the ground, me on top off her. Then without me noticing it my bra was off_. 'Damn she must be good at this.'_

She placed her hands on my shoulders and pushed me over so that she was on top off me. Her hands started to trace around my breasts, her fingers scratching on my nipples. She leaned forward and kissed me, her tongue licking my lips.

All I felt at that point was lust and happiness.

_Love, all I feel is love. Love can conquer anything and won't break down. It warms you when you are cold and holds you when you are scared. Even in the darkest night love can find you. It follows you, haunts you wherever you go, until you surrender._

A memory flashed through my mind. I was jumping into a lake after a girl. I saw the back of her head from the corner of my eye as I jumped. Her hair was red…

_'It was Emily!'_ And it was here. I had been here with Emily before. … I knew she had told me before, but only now I truly remembered it.

She kissed me on my neck. She moved downwards leaving small cold kisses after her. As she got down to my legs she took off my knickers. There I lay completely naked on the forest ground. The thought scared me. But when she spread my legs and kissed my labia a wave of pleasure flooded through me.

She was amazing. She made me feel as if I at any second would burst of desire. Her tongue licked my clit slowly, teasing me.

The feeling was so new to me, it was not like those times I had sex with guys. This was soft and passionate, and not just mindless sex. But the new were scary to me at the same time as it was the best thing I had ever felt.

She moved her tongue faster and I felt my climax come closer. When she slid her finger into me I came.

"Emily!" I called out to the sky, feeling the taste of her Name as it passed my lips.

She kissed my stomach lay down beside me. I put my arms around her and she kissed me on my cheek. I knew why she didn't kiss me on my mouth, but I didn't care about her reason. I kissed her on her mouth and firmly found her tongue. _'I think I love her'._

Was it possible to fall in love with someone so fast? I had only known her for a day or so. But it felt as if I had known her forever, and maybe I had…

* * *

Emily

She turned me over and looked down at me. I was so happy. She started to unbutton my skirt but she had a bit of a problem. My skirt had two small buttons with too small buttonholes so I didn't blame her. Even I had trouble with it at times.

"Gha!" she made a frustrated noise.

I smiled at her amazing cuteness and unbuttoned my skirt myself. She looked down at me and kissed me on my inner thigh.

She started to lick my clit. It felt nice but not as amazing as I expected it to. She couldn't really find the right pace. Then I remembered that this was the first time for her.

As crazy as it sounds, I actually had sex with Naomi for the first time… just like last time we were here…

I moaned of pleasure and joy. She wanted me and that was all I wanted for now, to know that she wanted me back. I didn't come this time. But my satisfaction meter was way over the scale anyway.

She lay down beside me and took my hand. I looked up at the stars in the sky. And for the first time since Naomi told me she loved me at Freddie's I was actually happy. Naomi lay down on the side and leaned her head on her hand.

"Can you fall in love with someone in a day?" she asked.

"Yes I think so, why?"

"Because I think I love you…"

As she said that my heart skipped and I felt light as air. She told me she loved me, I had won her back. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head.

"You know what… I love you too… I always have." I said and she put her arms around me as well.

So there we lay there under the stars in the forest. I took her hand and squeezed it tight. The last thing I thought before I fell asleep was _'Fuck, Naomi should to be back at the hospital by now…'_

I woke up at dawn. It was cold. I sat up and looked around.

_'Fuck, Naomi is gone!'_

_Just like last time… Why did this happen to me again…?_

* * *

_**Authors Note:**_You didn't see that one coming, did ya?


	13. Chapter 13 - Don't look back

**Chapter thirteen**

**By the lake - 11 Pm**

Naomi

I didn't look back, didn't want to change my mind. She had fallen asleep fairly quickly so I wasn't too afraid of waking her up. She had fallen asleep beside me still holding my hand. Her hand was soft and warm and it was heartbreaking to let it go, but I had to. A feeling inside me told me that this wasn't right. A feeling of fear and doubt had washed over me. It felt as if I had to go. So I did…

I walked through the woods in the night, feeling lonelier than ever. Emily had made me happy, had made me feel as if I belonged to someone. It felt as if she had my memories… I looked up as I walked, looked up at the stars. The very same stars that Emily and I had watched together, not long ago, looked back at me. I felt a cool tear roll down my cheek and I wiped it off with the back of my hand. '_Don't cry Naomi. You can take care of yourself, you always have…'_

But I couldn't stop my tears. They kept coming even if I didn't want them to. For some reason I missed Emily, wondered what she would think when she found out I had left her. She probably wouldn't even care.

She had her life and even if I had belonged to it before I… No she didn't need me… I didn't know her… But I wanted to. I had given her a piece of myself tonight and I felt so vulnerable when I walked alone.

But I couldn't love her. No I needed to let my feelings go… it wasn't right to love her.

'_I'm not gay!'_

* * *

As I got to back to the hospital I threw myself on top of the bed and started to cry.

'Why am I so confused?'

I was too upset to hear that the door opened and that someone came in. I noticed it when I felt that someone laid a hand on my back.

"Mum?"

I heard a silent laugh.

"No I'm not Gina."

"Oh… Hi Effy" I said when I recognized who it was.

"What are you doing here this late?"

"Well I was at the pub with Karen and she went home. So I figured I'd come and visit you for a bit."

I didn't know If I was happy or not to have her here. I just had some faint memories of her and I couldn't really figure out if she was my friend or not…

"What have hap…" She interrupted herself before she finished her sentence.

"… It's Emily, right?" She said after a few seconds.

How did she know?

I sat up and wiped my tears away and looked at Effy. She smirked at me and sat down on the bedside in front of me with one leg under her and the other one dangling from the bed.

"…How did you know?"

"Well… It has happened before so…" She said hesitantly.

I couldn't make out what she meant by that. I knew I had been by the lake with Emily before… was it that she meant. Or was it…

* * *

**By the lake – 4 Am**

Emily

I started to walk home, slowly and with tears running down my face, ruining up my make-up. I couldn't believe she had left me. She might have remembered last time and got scared and ran away. '_I can't believe that I have to go through this again… getting my heart broken one more time…'_

I found myself outside our new house. It wasn't big. But it was at least bigger than that old caravan we had before. As I got to the front door I realized I didn't have the keys to this house so I rang the door bell instead. It was early in the morning but I didn't care. After a few minutes I heard two pair of footsteps coming towards the door from the inside.

Mum opened the door. And my mum and an angry Katie behind her, with a white face like a ghost, met me in the doorway. Mum must have seen that I had cried because she pulled me into a hug. Katie had a face mask and she looked extremely funny when she tried to make an angry facial expression.

"What the fuck are you doing here at this time…? I need my beauty sleep!" Katie exclaimed as she stamped her foot down on the hardwood floor.

I didn't answer and mum ignored her.

"What has happened love?" Mum asked and wiped a tear away from my cheek.

"Erm, Hello? I'm talking here!" Katie interrupted.

"Get lost Katie." I said with a hoarse voice.

"What's going on?" Mum asked me again with more demand in her voice this time.

"Is it Naomi again…?" she continued.

"…She left me alone by the lake… But please don't get angry with her. She lost her memory remember…" I sobbed out as I wriggled out of my mum's embrace and walked pass her and fell down on the sofa in the living room.

"Oh no she didn't!" Mum took her jacket and in one second she was out of the house.


	14. Chapter 14 - Love can't be forced

**Authors Note: **Thanks for the reviews. They made me so happy. I really love to hear from all of you that read this story, if you haven't reviewed please do. Sorry about the fact that the last few chapters have been quite short. Unfortunately, this one won't be so much better… XD

* * *

**Chapter fourteen**

**At the Fitch family's house – 5 Am**

Emily

I heard the door slam shut and I flew up from the sofa I sat on. I followed my mum as she raced out of the house. I thought I knew where she was going, and I couldn't let that happen. I jumped into my shoes and ran out without tying them.

"Mum! No please…" I cried out after her as I stumbled out through the door.

She didn't answer. She didn't even look back at me.

The sun hit me in my face as it rose behind the rooftops.

I looked around and saw Katie in the doorway looking at me with an annoyed look on her face. I couldn't help but thinking that she looked ridiculous in that facial mask of hers. But I forced myself back to thinking about what just had happened.

I saw my mum become smaller and smaller as she got further away. Then I realized the horrible truth. The new house was fairly close to the hospital. '_She is on her way to Naomi!'_

Naomi didn't want me. She didn't love me, I knew that now. She had left me again and because I felt hurt I let go of the last bit of hope I had left… But I couldn't dare to think about what my mum had to say to her. So I hesitated for a second, then I started to run after my mum.

I started to catch up. But she hadn't noticed me following her. At least I thought so, because she hadn't turned around. She just walked as if she had fire in her arse.

When I saw the hospital in a distance my thoughts proved me right. I ran as fast as I could but mum was still many metres ahead of me. I started to feel blood taste in my mouth and when I got to the door to the hall Naomi was in my legs felt like spaghetti.

I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath. My legs buckled themselves under me and I fell down onto the floor. I hadn't the strength to get up, and I didn't want my mum to notice me. So I stayed on the floor and I trembled with each breath.

"You stay away from my daughter!" I heard through the door how my mum shouted.

'_Poor Naomi must have been awakened by my mother'._ I winced when I heard a slap. '_Oh fucking hell. Mum hit Naomi..._' In the next second the door swung open and almost hit me where I sat behind it. When it slammed shut I saw my mum walk away with determined steps.

She always had to make everything worse, all the time. I started to cry and I felt tired and alone in the empty hallway. I couldn't believe that no one reacted to the yelling from the room my mother had caused.

A cool wind passed me where I sat on the floor. I shivered and wrapped my arms around me. I forgot my jacket at home. I had been in such a hurry.

* * *

Naomi

A woman had stormed in when Effy and I sat on the bed talking. I could see on her face that the fact that Effy were there made her a bit put off. But it hadn't stopped her from yelling at me. When she started to yell I couldn't understand what she was on about. But then she mentioned Emily and I realized that she must have been her mum.

She was probably right; I was no good for her daughter. Emily deserved someone better. '_Someone that didn't leave her alone in the woods…'_ I felt a stinging pain on my cheek. She had hit me. I hadn't said anything I had only sucked in the hate from her.

When she had left I heard someone outside the door, a silent sobbing. '_Emily!'_

I looked at Effy who got up from bed and walked towards me. She stopped in front of me and gave me a hug.

"I know you love her…" She said before she opened the door and walked away.

She left me standing alone. And I looked stupidly on the door that slammed shut behind her.

'_Maybe she is right… Maybe I really LOVE Emily…'_

* * *

Emily

Through the door and through my sobbing I could hear that someone else was in there with Naomi. I couldn't make out who it was.

When I heard the word '_I'_ and '_Love' _I froze where I sat. My head could only put those two words in to one sentence, _**I love you. **_Someone had told Naomi that she loved her… and it hadn't been Gina. My heart winced and all I felt was sadness, and maybe a bit of jealousy.

It had been a female voice and in the next seconds the door opened and when it slammed shut again I saw the silhouette of a woman I recognized. Even through me tears I could see that it was Effy by her smooth walk that almost made it look as if she hovered above the floor…

Maybe Naomi loved Effy more than she loved me… Maybe she always had…

Naomi didn't love me anyway so why would I care. But it hurt to think about Naomi with someone else. Especially someone I knew... someone that wasn't me.

* * *

Naomi

Emily's sobbing reminded me of her sitting outside the room. So I walked to the door.

I carefully opened it and peeked out. I couldn't see her at first. But when I looked behind the door I found her sitting with her head on her knees, crying. I put my hands on her arms and pulled her up into a standing position.

"You left me…" She cried.

Oh how it hurt me to see her sad. I pulled her into a tight hug. She didn't respond to it. Instead she took a few steps back and looked me in my eyes, her eyes red and swollen.

"If you don't love me then I'll leave you and you never have to see me again. Love can't be forced…"

Emily looked at me with a hopeless expression on her face. Then she turned around and walked away.


	15. Chapter 15 - Was that a goodbye forever

**Chapter fifteen**

**At the hospital – 5:20 Am**

Naomi

I stood in the hallway outside my room at the hospital in my hospital gown and saw Emily disappear through the hallway and out through the doors that led out.

Neither my feet nor my voice did want to do what I wanted them to do. I wanted to shout her name, beg her not to go. But all I was… was silent. And I wanted to run after her and grab her hand and make her stay. But all I did was stand still and watch her go, watching how her red hair flew behind her like a red curtain as she went out of my sight.

When I regained my ability to move I sank down onto the floor in the hallway on the same spot Emily had just been sitting on_._

_'What had exactly just happened? Was that a goodbye forever from Emily?'_

I saw a nurse come out from a room next to mine. She made a surprised face when she saw me. I didn't blame her, who wouldn't get surprised by the sight of me. A mess sitting in an empty hospital hallway early in the morning…

She walked up to me and took my arm. She pulled me up and looked at me.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Erm… nothing… I… I just…"

I didn't know what to answer, so instead of answering I turned around and walked into my room. I sank down on the floor in the middle of the room looking up towards the window. It started to get lighter outside. And I sat there on the floor and just watched how the room lit up by the sunlight. My head spun and I couldn't move, getting hit in my condition couldn't be that good.

It must have been somewhere around lunchtime when my mum came by and sat down on the floor beside me. I hadn't moved since the morning and my legs started to go numb. I changed my position so that I sat with my legs stretched out in front of me instead of sitting on them.

"How are you love?" My mum broke the silence.

"I think I'm fine…"

"…What happened this morning?"

"Erm…" was all I answered to that question.

My mum must have heard my unstable voice because she didn't ask any more questions. I was very grateful for that. Sometimes I wanted a real mum who talked to me, but sometimes I was utterly grateful for my lovely mum whom let me take care of myself…

After a couple of minutes my mum stood up and brushed off the dust from the floor from her jeans.

"I'm going to take care of some stuff love. I'll be back later." Then she kissed me on my head, and a few seconds after that I heard how the door opened and then closed. I was alone again.

* * *

**At the Fitch family's house – During**

Katie

_'Fucking hell!' _It had been four o'clock in the morning when Emily had waked me up by ringing the fucking doorbell. My facial mask was supposed to sit on for the whole night and I really needed my beauty sleep. But then Emily turned up and made a fucking circus.

"What the fuck are you doing here at this time…? I need my beauty sleep!" I had asked.

Both mum and Emily had ignored me. Apparently Naomi had left her alone by some lake. But that didn't give her the right to wake me up so damn early in the morning… Mum had opened the door and in a flash both she and Emily were gone.

I stumbled into the bathroom and washed off my mask. It was such a relief to regain my facial expressions again. I made some silly faces towards the mirror before I walked back to my room.

My side of the new room was all nice and homely ,but Emily's bed was full of still packed cardboard boxes. I missed my sister. Now Naomi had taken Emily's time, even more time than she used to, even if Naomi didn't know it herself…

Someone came in and I walked to the hall. I saw my mum come through the door with fire in her eyes. She threw her jacket on the floor.

"That girl!" She spit out. Then she looked around and a confused expression spread over her face.

"Where is Emily…?" She asked.

"She went after you." I answered warily.

Mum turned around and was on her way out of the door once more, but I stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"No mum… Let me…" She nodded and I took my jacket and left the house.

It was cold so I wrapped my jacked even tighter around me as I walked. When I had walked a few blocks I saw my sister walking towards in my direction with her arms wrapped around herself to protect her from the cold morning air.

* * *

**At the hospital – During**

Emily

The doors to the hospital slammed shut behind me as I left Naomi. Another proof that she didn't want me was the fact that she hadn't made any attempts of getting me to stay. She hadn't even looked sad when I said goodbye.

The chilly morning air made me shiver, so I crossed my arms over my chest and bent down my head to prevent the air from hitting me right in my face. It worked to a lesser extent. But it was the best I could do without a jacket.

My head was full of thoughts and I had so much in my mind that I felt all messed up inside.

I looked at my feet as I walked. My shoes were still untied and the shoelaces snatched back and forth as I walked. The shoelaces hit my legs but I didn't care.

I stopped abruptly when I felt someone grab my arm and breath close to my face. I looked down on a pair of purple medium-high heels. I knew who it was, typical Katie to wear a pair of high heels when she walked outside early in the morning. Something that was called 'to be adaptable' did not exist in her dictionary.

"Emily…?" She asked quietly.

"… What happened?" She continued.

"… Nothing… Can't we just go home…?" I asked as she started to lead me back home.

We were met by our mum who stood in the hall. She stood with her arms crossed over her chest and looked at me with a stern look.

"You hit her!" I yelled at her even before I was inside.

Her expression changed and she just pursed her lips and walked away.

"… mum hit her?!" Katie asked with disbelief in her voice.


	16. Chapter 16 - What do you want me?

**Chapter sixteen**

**At the Keith's pub**

Naomi

"Well…?" Effy looked at me with a tilted head.

She had just asked about Emily and what had happened after she left yesterday. I didn't understand why Effy wanted to know that, and in reality even I didn't understand what had happened… Emily had told me that she was going to leave me alone if I didn't love her. But the crazy thing was that I thought I did.

_'I think I love her…'_

"… She said that she was going to leave me alone… and a nurse told me that I have to be more careful. When she asked why I felt dizzt I told her that I had bumped into a wall."

That last bit was true,being slapped didn't really help my progress in recovering,, but I had made it sound a bit like a joke to make Effy forget what she just had asked. I felt too sad to talk about it. But my attempt didn't work.

"But you love her." Effy said simply. And it wasn't a question.

_'How could she know?'_

I remembered that the first time I met Effy at the hospital it felt as if she knew me quite well. It had felt as if she understood me. Maybe this was a proof of that thought.

"But why did she say goodbye?" Effy took a sip from her coffee.

That was the one thing I didn't understand. Why had Emily changed so quickly…? _'Yeah that's right…' _I thought as I remembered my act.

"…I sort of left her without telling her…" I answered and felt ashamed as I looked down on the table at my hands cupping my mug.

But even if I felt ashamed about the fact that I had left her I thought the feelings I had for Emily was even scarier. It felt as right as it felt wrong. Could you love someone you didn't want to love? Was it possible to change and to decide your love?

"That wasn't pretty nice of you… and that's coming from me." Effy laughed.

"…No I know."

"But what are you going to do about it?" Effy asked.

"Dunno…"

* * *

**At the hospital**

I left when I had emptied my coffee mug. Effy stayed because she was going to meet up with Panda and Thomas. So I went back to the hospital.

"Mum?"

I didn't look over my shoulder. I sat on the bedside with my back towards the door, looking at the window. I had heard how the door opened and asked if it was my mum.

"Yes, it's me." I heard her respond.

She crunched down on the floor in front of me and looked up at me as she put one hand on me knee.

"How are you love? Wanna tell me what happened with Emily? You have seemed pretty down lately."

"Well… I feel pretty strange. Emily said something about leaving me…" My voice died out.

"You know what, I think I'm gonna go and have a little chat with her."

No please say that she wouldn't. It was bad enough as it was. And from my experience nothing ever got better if your parent got involved in teenagers problems. But on the other hand what could get any worse. I thought I loved Emily, but at the same time I barely knew her…

"Before I go I want you to remember this: Love can come from unexpected people. So when you do find someone, you've got to cherish it…" She laughed softly and kissed me on my head as she walked away.

_'Why did she tell me that again?'_

Wait, rewind!

_'Again?'_

* * *

**At the café**

Effy

"Oh sorry we're late! We just had a super-duper great time at the park."

Panda flew down onto a chair in front of me. And Thomas came behind her, in a slower calmer pace, and sat down beside Panda. I saw how Thomas took Pandas hand, but she shook it off and looked excusing at me and then at Thomas.

"Sorry Thomo. It just doesn't feel right to be all lovey-dovey when Effy hasn't got Freddy… It's not fair…"

"Well, I don't care." I said crossing my arms over my chest and leaned back on my chair.

Well that wasn't really true. But Panda was sort of cute to care about my feelings. She was after all my best, and maybe my only real, friend. That was kind of crazy because we were so unlike each other… But who would I be to hinder them to enjoy love…

Panda ordered a soda each for her and Thomas. And Thomas surprised her by taking up a bag of donuts from a bag he had brought.

"Oh!" Panda cried out happily and flew onto Thomas and kissed him.

They were so cute together. It made me think of the first time we met him, on a bus stop. He had given Panda a donut and after that they had sort of bonded for life. They were really made to be together.

"You want one?" Thomas asked and held out the bag.

"No thanks." I smiled at him.

I didn't really like donuts. They were too sweet for my liking.

"I can't wait to go to the USA. You will come and visit me won't you Eff?" Panda looked at me and smiled. Her lips were all coated in sugar.

"Yes of course I will."

I smiled back, but the feeling that filled me up was loneliness. When she went to the USA, who would I have left? Cook?!

_'Yes of course!'_

Now I remembered what I wanted to do, or rather what I needed to do. I stood up from my chair and made me prepared to leave. I had to talk to Cook about something.

"Where are you going? We just got here." Panda looked at me.

"I'm sorry. I just remembered something." I said and gave Panda a hug.

"But I'll call you. You guys have good time though." I added before I left the pub.

"Okay. Bye!" Thomas said.

* * *

**At the Fitch family's house**

Emily

I sat on a chair in the kitchen and looked at my hands in my knee. I didn't know what to do.

**Brrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrr!**

I struggled to get out my phone from my pocket. I looked at the screen and saw that it was Effy.

"Hi…?" I answered.

"Oh well hello Emily. Where are you?"

_'Well that was not Effy!'_

The voice on the other end sounded familiar, but it wasn't Effy. I was 100% sure of that.

"Yes... Who is this?"

"Oh sorry, it's me, Gina."

_'Gina? Why did she call me on Effy's cell phone?'_

"Hi Gina"

It felt as if I got observed were I sat, and when I looked to my right I saw Katie standing in the doorway to the kitchen looking at me. I put one hand over my cell phone and hissed at Katie.

"Go away I'm on the phone." I hissed.

"Yeah, I can see that. I'm not blind." Katie said and rolled her eyes, but she didn't move.

"I wondered where you are. I'd like to have a word with you." Gina continued on the other end.

"Well yeah sure, ok."

"Right now I'm close to the police station. Can you meet me here?"

I wondered what she was doing outside the police station. A bunch of scenarios went through my mind. Maybe Naomi had done something, or maybe Gina had…? No, that felt too unlikely. But it was as unlikely as if Gina was visiting Cook… or maybe Naomi was? I didn't want to see Naomi again, but if Gina needed to speak to me it could be important.

"I'll be there in a couple of minutes. Bye!"

I hung up and turned towards Katie.

"Do you have to listen when I'm on the phone?" I asked as I got up from the chair.

"No. But I wondered if you know who this is."

Katie reached out her phone and I saw that someone had called her a bunch of times. 3 missed calls from an unknown number and then 4 missed calls from a number she didn't have. I wondered why she hadn't looked it up on the internet.

But I took up my phone and entered the number to see if my phone recognized it.

"I suspect it's the same person…" Katie said as I typed.

"Who?"

"The unknown number and this one..."

"Well I know who it is… It's Mandy." I said with a surprised voice.

"Why have she called me. She called me last time yesterday."

Katie raised her eyebrows and looked down at her phone.


	17. Chapter 17 - Leaving

**Chapter seventeen**

**At the Fitch family's house**

Katie

Emily had left to meet up with Gina. I was going to call Mandy and tell her to fucking stop calling me... if it now was Mandy that had been calling me during the last week. Maybe that unknown number was someone else…

I looked sternly at the dial up button. Should i call Mandy? I decided to do so. And I put the phone to my ear. I looked around the kitchen and realized that it was awfully quiet to be our home. Where was everyone?

"Finally, why haven't you fucking called me back?!" The voice on the other end sounded a bit mad and broke the silence.

You couldn't avoid the fact that Mandy was furious. I still couldn't understand what she possibly wanted me.

"Well… was it you that called from an unknown number earlier?" I asked.

"What? No!" She answered on the other end.

_'Okay… so that's still a mystery…'_

"Well what do you want me then?"

My question was followed by silence from Mandy. The thought that she had mistaken my number for Emily's had crossed my mind since I found out that it was Mandy that had called me just a few minutes ago. But Mandy had called Emily on her cell phone so she couldn't possibly have gotten the idea that Emily would have changed number. So she must want me something… but what?

"You know that I'm Katie, right?" I just had to ask to be on the safe side.

"Yeah, of course… But I wanted to know what happened to Naomi…"

* * *

**Close to the police station**

Effy

"Well thanks a lot for letting me use your phone." Gina handed back my phone.

"No problem" I smiled at her and started to walk towards the police station. Gina started to walk as well, she walked beside me.

It had been a real surprise to meet her wandering around. When she spotted me, she had waved me to her in the air. And then she had asked where Emily was. She said that she couldn't find her in the caravan.

I had then told her that they had moved from it into a new house, but that I didn't know where the house was. But I said that she could use my phone to call Emily if she didn't have her number.

"Where are you going?" Gina asked.

"I'm going to visit Cook…"

Gina and I parted outside the police station because she was going to meet Emily there. So I left her and walked into the police station.

* * *

**Outside the police station**

Emily

I met Gina outside the police station. She gave me a hug and asked me how I felt.

"I don't know. I don't think Naomi wants me…"

Well that was the most important thing, but really it was more than that. I felt like shit to be honest. Like a zombie walking around, a great fucking mess.

"Oh I don't believe that love." She said and shook her head. "She misses you, you know…" She continued.

"I don't believe that…" If she missed me then why had she left me in the first place?

"What did you want to talk to me about?" I asked.

"I wanted to ask you what happened that night you were with her… She has been a mess since then…" Gina said and started to walk and she made a gesture for me to walk with her.

Oh I hadn't expected that. Had Naomi been a mess?

"… well, it was just like last time…" I said and felt how I started to get emotional.

It was so simple to talk to Gina. She was always so understanding and nice. She was just like a second mum to me…

"I had figured that out. I think you have to tell everything to her, everything you two have been through... I'm not sure if she will remember it otherwise…"

"I'm not sure if I can do that. What if she won't remember me…? I'm not sure I could stand that…" My voice cracked at the last sentence.

I started to cry and Gina put one arm over my shoulders. And when we reached a bench she sat me down on it. Then she sat down beside me, still with her arm around my shoulders.

"… I could talk to her if you want to." Gina said after a while.

"… Yes..."

I felt a bit relieved at the thought that it would all be over after that. I was so sick and tired about trying to get Naomi back without frighten her. Either she would remember or she wouldn't. Whatever the outcome would be, I wouldn't have to live alone with my memories about us. She would at least know them... and hopefully remember them.

* * *

**At the hospital**

Naomi

_So when you do find someone, you've got to cherish it._

Mum had told me that before. I remembered it so clear in my head. When she said it… It was after that night by the lake with Emily. I had been there before with Emily.

I felt so stupid. I loved Emily and I needed to do something. She had said goodbye, why I didn't know. But I needed her to know that I loved her back.

I decided to go and find her. To tell her what I felt, and to beg her to tell me everything I didn't know, which probably was a lot more than I could think of.

As I got out of the hospital I realized that I didn't know where Emily lived. So I started to walk towards Keith's pub. I hoped that I would meet someone I knew there. If I understood everything right, Keith's pub was a place we use to hang out at.

I opened the door and found no one I recognized. I turned around and was just on my way back out when I heard someone call my name.

"Naomi!"

I looked across the room and saw a girl make gesture for me to come. Beside her an African boy sat and smiled when he saw me. I walked hesitantly towards them.

"Hi how are you. Hope you're better now." The girl said and smiled.

She looked as if she was fucking high on something. She talked quick as hell and she was dressed like a small child even if she looked to be... maybe my age?

"Yeah… How's it going with Emily? I heard that it had been a bit of problems." The boy said with a bit of an accent.

"What…?" I asked.

How could they know all of this? Where they my friends? I stood a couple of metre from them and just looked at them with a confused face. They both sat beside a table with donuts and fizzy drinks in front of them.

"Emily, your girlfriend…" The boy continued with a bit of an uncertain voice.

_'My girlfriend?'_

"She lost her memory Thomo…" The girl whispered to the boy.

But she didn't whisper it quiet enough, because I could hear every word she said. And suddenly the pieces fell into place. She was Pandora and he was her boyfriend Thomas…

"Yes I did lose my memory… I have lost my memory. But I know who you are… But is Emily…?"

Pandora looked up at me with a surprised face. She probably hadn't understood that I'd heard her whispering.

"… Yes she is." Pandora said and smiled.

"You didn't know…?" She continued.

"No." I answered and turned around to walk away as my head spun as if I just jumped off a carousel ride.

_'Fucking hell!' _Yes she was my girlfriend. Suddenly I remembered Sophia and her death and that it was my fault.

_'I cheated on Emily!' _I started to tremble as I ran out of the pub onto the streets. I ran down the road and fell down underneath a footbridge. The cold asphalt made me shiver and the concrete tunnel wall cooled my back.

Freddie was dead and we'd had a party at his shed… And then I remembered my confession of my love to Emily and that she took me back. But then reality struck. I had left her and now she might not come back to me. Everything hit me like a bomb.

'_It's too much! I can't handle it...'_

"I left her…" I whispered out and the tunnel echoed my lonely voice back to me…


	18. Chapter 18 - John Foster

**Authors Note: **Thanks for reading and reviewing, I really become happy for each and every one of them. But I just want to add a little note to this one. I have gotten a lot of reviews telling me about Naomi and Emily in this last season coming up.

I just have two things to say to you, those comments will not be published and I do whatever I like with this FanFic so I won't adjust it to fit in with what you think is going to happen in this upcoming season.

I will be really happy if you read my FanFic and give me feedback if you liked it or on how you think I could improve the story. But I don't want any of your opinions on how I should adjust my FanFic after what you think is going to happen.

Thanks! Xoxo

* * *

**Chapter eighteen**

**At the Police station**

Effy

"Cook!" I glared at Cook on the other side of the table.

"Yeah, yeah I'm listening. But Effy you've got to know that I don't know anything."

I raised my eyebrows in disbelief. He had to have heard something about what was going to happen at the trial that was supposed to take place in three days.

"Well okay… John has awakened. But he is still at the hospital, more than that…" He shrugged his shoulders "…I don't know."

"At the hospital, the same one as Naomi?" I asked.

"Yes. She actually paid me a visit a couple of days ago together with Emily. She's not really clear in her head, is she?"

"No she's not. And it just got worse."

He made a questioning sound from his throat.

"Well Emily seems to have given up the fight about them." I said simply.

Now it was Cook's turn to raise his eyebrows.

"Well that's not good. I sort of liked them together. Made Naomi happy, you know." He said.

"Yeah, me too." I agreed.

Cook and I had never really talked like this, about emotions and stuff. Well this wasn't really personal stuff, but it was more of a conversation than we had ever had. I liked this Cook, this understanding Cook. He maybe had a big heart after all. At least he cared for Naomi…

I decided that it was time for me to pay someone else a visit, someone that wasn't worth it. I was going to see John Foster.

* * *

The assistant behind the desk looked down at a computer screen I couldn't see.

"Are you a relative to him?" She asked and looked up at me.

I thought of what I was supposed to answer. If I said yes, I would get to see him. But if I said no, then maybe she would make me leave.

"… Yeah…" I said, trying to sound convincing.

"Name?"

"Ef… Elizabeth… Foster."

"Ok. You have to know that you can only see him for a couple of minutes, due to the fact that he is under surveillance." She said before she pointed towards a hallway.

"Second floor to the left, then the third door to the right."

"Thanks."

The hospital was full of life at this time. It was almost dinnertime and nurses ran back and forth to make sure that everything was ok before dinner. I almost got ran over by a nurse. She turned around on the go and excused herself. I recognized her from when Emily and I was in with Naomi about a week or so ago.

As I stood outside the door to the room John Foster was in I hesitated. Was this a good idea after all? '_What should I say to him?' _But I gathered up my courage and walked in.

John lay in the hospital bed and looked up at the ceiling. A man stood by his side. I guessed that he was some sort of a police man. When he saw me he came up to me. John turned his head towards me and he looked chocked to see me.

"Are you here to visit him?" The man asked.

"Yes."

"Okay. I leave you for five minutes." Then the man walked out.

If they wanted to hinder any type of communication between John and none -relatives, this was not the way to do it. The needed a more bulletproof system… But on the other hand, a more bulletproof system wouldn't have benefited me.

John just looked at me with stone face expression. But he wasn't the only one that could pull off that face. So I turned myself into the Stonem I was, the cold and strong one.

"You killed him." It wasn't a question.

John didn't answer. He just smiled. He sat up and walked towards me.

"What makes you think that?"

"I know you did. Just admit it. Cook doesn't deserve to go to jail, but you do."

"But he hit me. I lay in coma for about a week. I think he deserves it."

John was now just an arm's length from me.

"I wanted to protect you." He reached out and touched my cheek.

"No!"

I turned away my head and made him drag back his hand. He gave me a bad feeling, and I felt like running away. But since when have I ever walked away from bad things. It was just not who I was. I stayed, even if I had a bad feeling about things.

"Just admit it. Or at least admit it at the trial."

"What shall I admit?" He asked as he smirked.

"You killed him!"

"What makes you think that?"

"You to-"

I hindered myself to finish the sentence. I had been close to tell him that he had told Cook about it. But then I realized that if I told him, he could find out a way to get around and get freed from all charges. Because I hoped that he had forgotten it… because if he had Cook could remind him at the trial and then he would get too surprised to defend himself…

"I what?" He asked demanding.

I didn't answer. I just crossed my arms over my chest.

"I wanted to help you." He looked at me with a look I recognized all too well. He looked at me with desire.

"No… you didn't help me. I needed Freddie!" I felt how my voice grew louder.

"No… you needed me." He said.

Then he kissed me. His hands held my face so that I couldn't turn away. He crept closer and made me back into the wall. I took my hands and pushed him away hard over his chest.

Then I heard someone at the door. John must have heard it as well, because he quickly stepped away from me.

"What happened? I heard loud voices." The guard-looking man said and looked mostly at me.

"Nothing… I was just about to leave."

I gave John one last gaze to tell him that he needed to do the right thing. But it would probably not help at all. I walked out of the room and felt tears streaming down my face.

This meeting had made me remember how much I missed Freddie. I needed him, and I needed him now! But he was gone… forever.

I walked out from the hospital and decided to walk for as long as my feet could carry me. My head was all dizzy and my eyes were full of tears which made my sight blurry.


	19. Chapter 19 - Abandoned

**Authors Note:** I have begun on a follow up story to this story. But I won't upload it until I'm finished with this one. xoxo

* * *

**Chapter nineteen**

**Under a footbridge in Bristol **

Naomi

"Hi Naomi."

I looked up and cleared my eyes from my tears. I looked up at the same girl that had hit me in the pub. I think her name was Mandy. What was she doing here?

"Are you here to give me another bitch-slap?" I asked.

"Well I could give you that. But what I really wanted to tell you is for you to stay away from Emily. I searched for you in the pub and your friends told me you left. Luckily I found you."

"Thanks. You've already told me to stay away from her."

"Yeah, because she is my girlfriend." And at that, Mandy left me.

_'What… I thought I was…'_

Had I remembered it all wrong? But Panda told me… But maybe I just messed up my memories. But why had the memories felt so real then? I couldn't understand. But if something I was now more determined to talk to Emily, to get to know the truth.

I stood up and brushed off the dust from my jeans that had gotten on them from the asphalt. I needed to find Emily. I started to walk. I felt a glimpse of hope. Mandy had given me the ultimate reason to find Emily, to find out the truth. After a couple of minutes I saw Effy on the other side of the road.

"Effy!"

She looked at me and I could see that she had cried, her eyes were red and swollen. I walked up to her and gave her a firm hug.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked carefully when I let her go. I didn't want to seem tactless, but I needed to know...

"Am I Emily's girlfriend?" I continued when she didn't respond.

"How did you know?!" She seemed fairly surprised.

"So I am then?"

"Yeah… who told you? Or did you find out yourself?"

"Panda mentioned it…"

"Do you remember then?"

"If I am Emily's girlfriend, then I do." And I hoped that I had remembered everything right.

But that didn't explain why Mandy told me what she had…

"… But who is Mandy then?" I asked.

"Don't know. You have to ask Emily."

"Oh that's the other problem. I don't know where she is."

"They moved, so I don't know either… but go back to the hospital and ask Gina."

She sniffled quietly, and then she walked away.

Okay, so now I knew what I was going to do… Then I remembered that Effy had cried. I had just been so full of myself that I forgot to ask her how she was doing. I looked around but saw that she had already disappeared. Why had she cried? What was she doing here? Where had she been?

I hit myself light in the head and felt a bit bad about myself.

I started to move towards the hospital. While I walked I tried to come to terms with my memories and my feelings. I am, or was, Emily's girlfriend. But Mandy had told me a different story. But I loved Emily... Oh yes I really loved her, if she only knew. Ever since that day I saw her at the hospital when I woke up I had loved her. Every move she made gave me a desire for her, a fire that nothing could put out.

I wondered if it always had been like this, and if she felt the same way. After all we had attended the same collage. But if she now was my girlfriend what had my action caused. She must think that I am a big fucking bitch. So I decided to not believe my memories until I had asked Emily about them, if she now wanted to talk to me. I even tried to reject the memories I had regained about us at the lake that one time, and the memory that hurt me the most... the memory about the fact that I had cheated. I needed to know the truth. Nothing was true untill I had asked Emily about them.

* * *

**At the Fitch family's house **

Katie

I wondered if it had been right to tell Mandy about Naomi. All I knew was that she and Emily had had some kind of a troubled relationship during that hard time with Naomi, but more than that I didn't know.

So I had told Mandy that Naomi had lost her memory. To my surprise she didn't seem surprised at all to hear about that. It sounded as if she already knew it. And then she had asked if I knew where Emily was. I answered that I didn't exactly know, but I guessed that she would be at the hospital or something. I still wondered though why she asked me about Naomi and not Emily...

Well I decided not to think about it. As I looked at my phone I saw the missed calls from that unknown number.

_'Fucking hell, missed it again!'_

Next time I would make sure to answer. If there was going to be a next time...

"Fucking hell!" I screamed out as I felt how water ran down my back.

I turned around to find James with a spray bottle filled with water stand behind me.

"Bitch!" He laughed and ran into the bathroom and locked the door.

"You fucking idiot!" I hit the bathroom door with my fist.

"What is going on Katie?" My mum stopped beside me with a basket with dirty laundry.

"Nothing" I answered quickly.

"Let James be, will you love." She said before she continued towards the laundry room.

_"Fuck it" _I mumbled behind her.

Thankfully she didn't hear me. Now when Emily was so unreachable mum had started to pick on me instead.

Emily had been like if she walked on an empty tank. She answered with short answers and always looked far in front of her, just like a zombie. I hated to admit it, but Emily actually needed Naomi...

* * *

**At Naomi's house **

Emily

I didn't know what I was doing there. Somehow my feet walked and I just followed and I ended up outside the blue door. It had been around two weeks since I been here last time. And I felt on the door and found it unlocked.

I carefully stepped inside and the familiar scent made me all calm inside. But it also brought up so many memories, memories from the past, the past when Naomi and I were in love. Now it was only me in love, and not **we** in love. The love was one-sided.

**_Creak, creak..._**

I heard the sound of steps from the floor above. _'Who can it be? Gina was supposed to talk to Naomi at the hospital so it can't be her...'_

I walked up the staircase and walked around the upper floor and opened every door, but I couldn't find anyone. Had I just imagined it all? No, I had heard something. I was sure as hell! But the last door I opened led into the bedroom, the bedroom that had carried our happiest moments together and also some sad moments.

I fell down on top of the bed and breathed in the scent of her. The pillow on the side she used to sleep on still smelled like her. I hugged the pillow and started to cry.

I missed her. I missed her laugh, her sarcasm, her smile, her hair, her deep blue eyes, her soft hugs and her wonderful kisses. I felt so alone in the empty house. I felt abandoned, just like the house.


	20. Chapter 20 - A bit fucked up

**Chapter twenty**

**At the hospital **

Naomi

"Mum?"

I called after her in the empty hospital hall. She wasn't there. Where could she have gone?

"Naomi love?"

I turned around and saw my mum and Kieran entering the room. I had only seen him when I first woke up at the hospital, him that my mum called her boyfriend.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Wanna follow us for dinner?" My mum asked as she pointed between herself and Kieran. "I would have grown pretty tired of the hospital food if I were you."

"Erm... I want to know where Emily is."

"Well I have to talk to you about that." My mum said hesitantly.

I instantly started to feel scared. What if she had bad news? What if she had talked to Emily and found out something?

When I didn't answer my mum continued, "Come. We can talk about it there."

I followed them to a restaurant. It was all decorated in dark brown and red colours and the place looked a bit rustic. When the food came in I couldn't swallow a bit, I was so nervous about what my mum had to say about Emily.

But it seemed as if she had forgotten that she had something to say in the first place, because she sat and snuggled with Kieran. She almost sat in his lap as they ate. It made me think about that night Emily and I walked to the lake. That night I remembered something, well not really remembered. I rather felt something, I felt us more than remembered us. I couldn't stop thinking about her, her soft skin and innocence that made her all the lovelier. And the fact than mum and Kieran sat entwined in front of me didn't make my desire for Emily go away, if something it made it even worse.

Mum looked at me and then she seemed to get back to reality. She slid off Kieran's lap and went back to her own food instead of Kieran's.

"How are you feeling Naomi" Kieran asked a bit excusing.

"Fine I guess..." Was all I had as an answer.

"Kieran, is it ok if I take a bit of fresh air with Naomi?" Mum gave him a look.

"Yes, yes of course." He smiled at me and my mum.

Mum took me by my arm and led me out onto the street. It was nice and cool outside, different from the warm and thick air inside of the restaurant that was packed with people at the time.

"I think you need to talk to Emily... She thinks you don't like her." Mum didn't look at me. She looked up in the sky.

"... Well, that's not true... I… I think I…" I mumbled.

"You love her." Mum finished my sentence for me and now she looked right at me.

I just nodded. _'Why the fuck did everyone seem to know that?'_

"But what makes her think something like that?" My mum asked.

Her question hit me on my sensitive spot. I started to cry. _'I hate how fucking sensitive I have become this last two weeks!' _

"She's your girlfriend." She continued.

I sniffled and then I said, "I know..."

My answer seemed to surprise my mum just as much as it had surprised Effy. Why did everyone know that I loved Emily, but no one knew that I knew that I was her girlfriend? It was all a bit fucked up.

"Do you want to talk to her?" Mum asked and looked at me.

"...Yes..."

I wanted to put everything right. I loved her and if now everyone knew that, then I had nothing to hide, no one to be afraid of, except for myself. I was still afraid of letting her in. But either that or I would die of desire for her.

Mum smiled a faint smile and gave me a hug. I clung myself to her and my tears flooded down onto her shoulder. I started to tremble hysterically and the only way of holding me upright was to hold onto my mum.

When I had calmed down she led me back into the restaurant where Kieran sat and played with his food. I didn't eat anything for dinner that night. Not even the dessert. I had no appetite what so ever...

* * *

**Somewhere in Bristol **

Effy

Here I was again, walking around in Bristol. To be honest I was sick and tired of walking. But I had nothing else to do. What was I supposed to think? The man I thought had helped me killed Freddie. And he won't even admit that he killed him. Then he had kissed me! He fucking kissed me!

The kiss had surprised me the most. He was a fucking scumbag and I was determined to get him into jail for the murder of Freddie. It would be so wrong and unfair if Cook would go to jail instead.

I didn't really care for Cook. But he had been Freddie's best friend and I had caused the terrible fight between them because I couldn't admit my feelings and commit myself to someone. I had not been ready to give up myself for love. And that had caused the big crack between Cook and Freddie.

But Cook had really changed in my eyes. Because he fought for Freddie and after his death Cook had changed from a heartless person into a more caring personality. And I rather had John in jail than Cook, first and for mostly because Cook was innocent, I was sure about that.

My thoughts wandered off to Naomi and Emily's relationship. I had always admired them for accepting their love for each other, something that I had had trouble with when it came to Freddie. But now they seemed to have a hard time, yeah who wouldn't if one in a partnership lost her memory. I had lost mine too, but I was left with love… Well until I started to remember things, that's when it all became hard. I hated to know that I had forgotten something but not knowing what it was. So I could almost relate to Naomi…

But she knew that she was Emily's girlfriend now, or at least that was what I perceived. Apparently Panda had told her. And it did seem to help her remember something, because when she had stopped me on the road she had seemed desperate to find Emily…

Because I had been all caught up in my own thoughts I hadn't paid much attention to where I walked. I looked around and found myself back outside the hospital. For some reason I had walked in a circle...


	21. Chapter 21 - A wall?

**Authors Note: **Ok I feel stupid. Really stupid... I sort of accidentally uploaded chapter 22 as chapter 21 and now chapter 21 is chapter 22... I'm trying to fix this...

* * *

**Chapter twenty one**

**At Naomi's house **

Emily

I woke up at the sound of the creaking staircase. I had fallen asleep, for how long I didn't know. My face was dry and stiff from my dried tears, and so was Naomi's pillow I had desperately clung onto.

_'I knew I wasn't alone.'_

I sat up and waited for someone to open the door. I could hear the footsteps approach outside the half-closed door to the bedroom.

The door opened and in came Kieran. I did not get too surprised about that, after all he and Gina had probably stayed here while Naomi was in hospital.

"How are you Emily?" He asked and sat down beside me on top of the bed.

"I'm fine…" I sniffled out.

"How long have you known I was here?" I asked.

"Well I heard someone in here and after a while I looked in but then you had fallen asleep. I called Gina so she knows you are here. I didn't want to wake you up." He gave me an awkward pat on my shoulder.

_'Kieran. I had never really understood him, the man who hates being a teacher.' _Luckily for him he had taken some time off to go travel with Gina. But he was sort of nice when you got to know him. In the beginning I just thought he was a fucking idiot with a bad attitude… sort of like Naomi. They fit well together Kieran and Naomi.

_'Naomi…'_

"…So Gina knows I'm here?"

"Yeah, she asked me to tell you to call her up after you woke up." He handed me his cell phone.

"No it's all right I have one myself." I smiled gratefully and picked up my own cell phone and waved it slightly in the air.

I stood up and prepared to leave. I felt as if I had intruded someone's home, which I in reality had…

"Thanks, and sorry if I showed up like this." I smiled at Kieran and left the room.

"This house is always open for you." He called after me.

_'Yeah, but there is no need to if Naomi aint here for me…'_

"Don't you want something to eat? It's lunchtime after all." He stood up and walked ahead of me down to the kitchen.

I never really answered his question but I followed him and sat down on a chair by the table. It felt all weird. It had been a good while since I last sat by this table. I looked at the empty chair in front of me and imagined Naomi sitting there.

In my imagination I saw Naomi smiling at me, smiling with her crooked beautiful smile with a bit of sarcasm behind it. I felt a tear running down my cheek. And I felt how the whole Niagara was on its way out of my eyes so I shook my head to prevent me from continuing to imagine. The last thing I needed now was to drown in the house that meant so much to me… and it wouldn't be good if Kieran drowned either …

I heard how Kieran started a water kettle. I looked around in the kitchen and the blackboard caught my eyes, still with the words half filled in. My attempt to restore it had been week since Effy turned up outside.

For the first time since that morning at the hospital, that time my mum hit Naomi, I actually doubted my interpretation of what I had heard. Maybe Effy loved her, but maybe she had said something else. I actually didn't know. But I was tired of running after Naomi. If she wanted me back she had to come for me. But at least I decided not to be mad at Effy, I was a pretty damn good mess myself.

I stood up and walked towards the blackboard. In one swipe I rubbed out the words. Kieran put a plate onto the table. I could hear the sound of porcelain hitting wood. I turned around and saw a plate with warm food.

"Here you go." He said and sat down on the chair on the other side of the table.

"Thanks."

* * *

**At the hospital **

Naomi

"You don't move." The nurse put a hand on my shoulder as I tried to get up.

"You have to stay in bed. I don't know how this happened but you are not allowed to go anywhere for at least a week." The nurse continued as she tucked me into the bed.

_'No, I have to find Emily!'_

I didn't care about what the nurse said so I sat up anyways when she turned away from me. But as I did I felt how my head started to spin and I sat down again.

"Are you sure that nothing else happened, this seems far more severe than if you just bumped into a wall…" The nurse examined my head.

"No. I am sure."

Actually I lied. I knew that it must had been after getting slapped first by Mandy and then by Emily's mum, because I had certainly not bumped into a wall lately. But I didn't want to tell the nurse that had been slapped…

"Well something must have happened… The stitches are not in place and the healing process it taking far longer than expected… It is a miracle that you still can stand straight." She smiled towards me.

"Where is your mum?" She asked. "We have to tell her too."

"I don't know…"

Just like on demand my mum stepped into the room. She carried a little tray with a plate with food and a bottle of juice. She smiled, but her smiled disappeared when she saw the nurse examine my head.

"Erm… what is going on?" My mum sounded worried.

"Oh, there you are." The nurse straightened up and walked towards my mum.

"She is not allowed to go out of the hospital for at least a week. We want to have her under observation because it is not looking too good." The nurse made a faint gesture towards me as she said it.

"Why?" My mum walked past the nurse and put the tray on the little side table. Then she started to check my head too.

I pushed her hand away, annoyed. I didn't need a pair of extra hands going through my head and touching on sore spots.

"We'll have a doctor here at dinner time. We will ask him to check your head and give his judgment." The nurse smiled and walked out through the door.

Why did the nurses smile so much? If I worked with seeing sick people every day I wouldn't be so keen on smiling all the time…

"What happened?" My mum said when we became alone in the room.

"I bumped into a wall…" I said not looking at her.

"You are lying. I can tell." My mum laughed slightly.

She knew me all too well.

"I got slapped, a proper bitch-slap… well, two to be honest." I looked at her waiting for a reaction.

"You have got to be more careful." She smiled and put down the tray in my lap.

"I need to talk to Emily…"

_'No that was an understatement. I didn't need to, I had to. I had to put everything right…"_

"You said she doesn't believe I like her." I continued. "Well, I have to tell her how it really is."

_'I still can't believe it.' _I didn't know if I was supposed to feel sad or angry about the fact that Emily didn't believe I liked her, or least of all loved her. She had gotten it all wrong and this was as winded up as it could ever be_._

"I asked Kieran to ask her to call me when she wakes up." My mum said and sat down in front of me on the bed.

The first thought that hit me was _'No don't say she went into coma as well, we have had enough of that already!'_

"What?!" I asked desperately.

"Well, she is asleep at ours right now… at yours." She corrected herself.

Thank God for that. It felt all weird to know that I had a girlfriend, and the weirdest thing was that it was Emily. But that scared me a lot too. I felt such a strong desire for her that it was almost scary. And because it was a new feeling I was afraid to give in to it. But what if she wasn't my girlfriend, what if Mandy had told the truth… That was even more frightening. I shed a tear but wiped it off quickly with the back of my hand.

"It's gonna be all right." Mum gave me a hug and kissed me on my cheek.

"Sure about that… what if she won't call back if she knows that it has something to do with me… She hates me, with all rights." My voice trembled.

"I'm sure she will come back. She loves you."

"How can you be so sure?"

"She told me when we had a chat earlier."

"You had?"

Mum nodded and smiled lightly.

I couldn't believe that she had talked to Emily without telling me. Had she known how desperate I had been to find her…? Well, that didn't matter right now. All that mattered was that Emily called back.

I turned to my tray with food. But it was just one problem… I wasn't allowed to leave the hospital…


	22. Chapter 22 - A deformed heart

**Authors Note:** As I already have said "I am stupid." so this is the chapter I accidentally uploaded before chapter 21 so you might have already read it. Sorry about that. But from now on I am trying to be a bit more organized. Once again, sorry for my stupidity. And read chapter 21 before reading this one, and read chapter 21 if you have already read this one.

* * *

**Chapter twenty two**

**At the hospital**

Naomi

I looked around. The room looked like a scene taken from Grey's anatomy. A room with light gray walls and a white examination table in the middle. There were a whole lot of instruments in stainless steel along the wall. And over the examination table there was a big round lamp hanging over the table. I knew it was normal for an examination room to look like this. But still, Grey's anatomy…

To be fair, it was my first time in an examination room. I had never been a lot in hospitals, mostly because my mum is a die-hard for home-cures and she is a believer in the herbal remedies magical powers. That was pretty much my childhood pharmacy…

"Okay Naomi, you can sit here." The doctor patted on the examination table.

He was a tall man with glasses and brown hair. He looked like a total nerd. But he was the fucking doctor, so I walked to the table and jumped up. I wasn't short but the examination table was pretty high so I had to jump to get up on to it.

I looked at my mum who sat on a chair by the wall. She had her legs crossed and her hands clasped. _'I bet it's the first time for her as well in an examination room.'_

"Ouch!" I bent down as the doctor started to examine my head.

He wasn't gentle. He stretched out the skin around the wound and it hurt like hell.

"Sorry. But I just want to have a look before we decide what has to be done." So he continued.

I sat and gritted my teeth as he continued the examination.

"I know what we are going to do. I'm just going to find a nurse to come and look as well." He left.

_'Thank god that's over…'_

"Has she called you yet…?" I asked my mum.

My mum didn't answer. She just looked down onto the floor, or maybe her feet. Had she even heard me?

"Mum!" I raised my voice slightly.

"Yeah?" She shook her head and then looked at me.

"Has Emily called?"

"…No, love…" She said and bit her lip anxiously.

"Can't you call her?" I asked.

"No I don't think that would be such a good idea. Kieran will talk to her. We need to give her some time."

"I need to talk to her now! I have had a memory loss. I didn't remember her… well, I still don't do."

I knew it was childishly to blame my selfish act on my accident. But it was still true though. I didn't remember her, and I still wasn't sure if I did. It felt as if she would have been more understanding…

"Yeah you lost your memory, and it will take a while for you to remember everything. But what happened hurt her in a way you still don't understand. Give her time love." She smiled a bit.

"But-"I stopped talking when the door opened.

"- it will be good right?" The doctor asked the nurse that followed him into the room. It must have been the end of a conversation.

The nurse looked up from some papers in her hand and smiled at me. She reached out her hand and I shook it.

"Hi, I'm Eleanor."

I just smiled at her.

"Well, is it okay if I too have a look?" She asked and pointed at my head.

_'No it is too fucking painful!'_

I smiled and nodded. What had I really to argue about? Even if I said no she probably would have done it.

After five painful minutes, more like five fucking hours, Eleanor was done. She and looked at her papers she had brought with her, with the doctor looking over her shoulder.

Eleanor was pretty short with black short hair and glasses, just like the doctor. She was cute.

"We have to redo the stitches and then you have to rest the week out. Then we will make another examination to see if it looks better." The doctor said.

"Now?" I asked.

"Yeah. Do you want to be under anesthesia, or is it ok if we only stun around the wound?" The doctor asked.

"Will I feel anything if I'm awake?"

"No, just maybe a tickling sensation but no pain." The nurse said and smiled.

"Well I'm not too keen on getting put to sleep." I exclaimed.

"Then we stun. It is less complicated as well." Eleanor said and walked to a table in the corner of the room.

"Are you going to do it now?" Mum asked from her seat.

"Yes. It is just a small procedure. It will just take a couple of minutes." The Doctor said and began to take out needle and thread.

I tried not to look at the needle, and I tried to breathe slowly.

"Are you ready?" The doctor asked from the back of my head.

I nodded and felt the needle with the numbing medicine.

"Now we wait a few minutes for it to start working." The doctor said as he made everything ready.

I looked at my mum who smiled comforting at me. I didn't like pain. I remembered the one time I fell on a rock with my knee and got a big would. It hurt like hell and my mum fixed it up without numbing medicine, just her home remedies. It worked, but I felt the pain. It was a mixture of herbs and some gooey stuff and she put it on my wound and bound with bandages. All I was left with was a scar. The wound had been big so the scar I was left with was big that too. But her miracle herbs made the wound heal awfully fast.

_"It looks like a heart… a bit deformed though." _I heard Emily's voice inside my head.

A picture of Emily flashed through my mind, it had been a while since that occurred. I saw Emily sitting in front of me and looking down at me knee. We sat in my bedroom and I had my legs stretched out in front of me on the bed. I remembered how Emily looked at my knee and smiled at my scar. She had said that it looked like a heart…

Automatically I looked down on my knees. I wore the hospital gown, so I pulled it up a bit until I could see my knee. And as Emily had said, it looked like a heart…

"No sit still please." The nurse pushed lightly at my shoulder.

_'Oh that was right. The stitched me up…'_

But the memory I just remembered made me feel all warm inside. Maybe I would remember her soon. I hoped so at least…

* * *

**At Naomi's house**

Emily

"Thanks for the lunch!" I called to Kieran.

"You are welcome, don't forget to call Gina." Kieran replied.

I opened the door and well outside I breathed in the cool air, and I saw small raindrops falling from the sky. I looked up in the sky and saw that the sky was grey and cloudy. I had no umbrella but I didn't mind getting all wet. Or at least I wouldn't if it wasn't for the fact that I had to call Gina.

"It's raining?" He asked as I typed Gina's number.

I nodded and put my phone to my ear.

_'No, Emily. Stop chasing her."_

I hung up. But the thing was that I really wanted to chase her. Well not really chase, but at least I wanted her back. But something in me told me that I was done chasing, at least for now. I needed some time alone. Maybe I would call back later.


	23. Chapter 23 - Prisoner in feelings

**Authors Note: **I really hope that you like this story as much as I enjoy writing it. Please read and review. xoxo

* * *

**Chapter twenty three**

**At the Fitch family's house**

Emily

_I don't want to go anywhere. I miss her I really thug, but still… I won't go running after her._

I sat in my bedroom in our new house. I stared down at the screen on my mobile phone where Gina's number shone at me. My thumb flickered over the dial-button, but something inside made me decide. I threw away my phone into the wall. It hit it with a bang.

_'What shall I do? I feel so lost…'_

I tucked in my legs under me and covered my face with my hands.

"What the fuck happened?!" Katie threw up the door.

"Oh…" She whispered out as she saw me sitting on my bed.

I didn't look up nor answer.

"Look what the hell you did!" Katie raised her voice.

Now I looked up and found Katie sitting bent down on her bed and inspected something on the wall.

"You made a fucking mark in the wall with your fucking phone!" She continued with a loud voice.

"So…?" I asked stiffly.

"So!?" She repeated angrily.

"You fucking ruined my poster." She held up a poster of Chris Brown.

"Oh my god Katie!" I got up from my bed and stormed out of the room.

Couldn't she be more understanding, apparently not? She was on her way back to the ordinary Katie again… She had been very sweet to me in the beginning when Naomi had been in hospital.

"No… Emily, wait! Sorry…" I heard Katie call out from our bedroom.

It was so typical that we needed to share a bedroom again. The new house had an extra room even if it was small. But mum still expected us to want to sleep in the same room. She still wished that I would turn into someone like Katie… someone straight…

"Emily!" She sounded desperate, so I turned around.

Katie came out of the room.

"Sorry. Wanna talk?" She bit her lip.

"It's ok Katie… but no thanks."

She defiantly had her mood swings… especially lately. And I thought I was messed up…

"It's dinner!" I heard mum call from the kitchen.

I started to walk towards the kitchen, and I heard Katie walking behind me. Dad sat by the edge of the table. He smiled at me and Katie as we walked in. Mum sat by the oven and looked in, obviously waiting for something inside.

I sat down and Katie sat down beside me.

"You've got spanner in the works?" Dad laughed and looked at me.

"No." I said simply.

Dad was not the one to talk serious stuff with, even if he was more understanding than mum.

"You are sitting on my chair, bitch!" James exclaimed as he ran into the kitchen.

He wore one of those dresses he had stolen from me. I didn't care. I hated that pink tight dress. It was mum that had given it to me, in hope of making me more like Katie. I was more for loose fitting clothes…

James started to wiggle the chair Katie sat on. She made an enjoyed face before she quickly turned around.

"No you bastard, sit over there!" Katie shouted at James and pointed at the chair in front of her.

"No!"

"James… is it that important?" Mum asked as she put down a plate of potatoes and beef on the table.

"Yes." James answered and made a bitter face.

"Sit down will you James? Being bitter and whiny won't make a fighter." Dad said and flexed his arms.

James made a face and went and sat down on the chair in front of Katie.

"Well go ahead and begin." Mum said as she too sat down.

It felt scarily alike all those dinners before. Before when I was silent, and when we ate dinner together. Actually I hadn't eaten a real dinner since like forever. I had been too worried about Naomi. But maybe I had to get use to this, family dinners, now when Naomi rejected me.

The thought of calling Gina still pounded in my head. I knew a day had passed since Kieran told me that Gina expected a call from me. But was I ready to talk to her? I knew, or I expected, that it had to do with Naomi. And I wasn't sure if I could face Naomi…

* * *

**At the hospital**

Naomi

It was all good. No, that was a big lie, probably the lie of the day. It maybe would have been all good if I had had some balls. Well I hadn't, clearly I was a girl. But balls were something I had to get myself.

For so long I had lived in the lie that being a bitch and being cold towards everyone was to have balls and be strong. I had tried to take care of myself and succeed on my own, I had thought that at least. But I now realized that having balls was more than that… even something totally else. Having balls was to stand up to your love and accept it, which I hadn't.

Emily hadn't called back for two days. How much time did she need?!

"Sit down. You're making a ditch in the floor if you're going to continue. I'm getting all stressed up just by looking at you!"

I stopped and looked towards the chair by the window where mum sat. I hadn't even realized that I had walked back and forth. I quickly looked at the clock. _'Half past five. I have been going on for two hours…'_

After I stopped I felt restless and began to wiggle on my feet.

"No, you'll get dizzy!" Mum got up from her chair and stopped me by putting her hands on my shoulders and pushing me down towards the floor. "The doctor said you have to rest."

I knew she was right. But I needed to talk to Emily. I needed to tell her that I loved her. And I needed to hear from her that I was her girlfriend… or that Mandy was… If Mandy had told me the truth my life would be over. I loved Emily, and that's final.

I sat down on my bed with my legs stretched out in front of me. I looked down at my hands and my eyes got drawn to my knee and my scar, the scar that looked like a heart. For three days ago I didn't even know that it looked like a heart. But after that memory, or at least I thought it was memory, my scar symbolized Emily. The one person my heart belonged to…

I hoped that Emily hadn't given up the hope about me. I had acted like a douche and it would be totally understandable if Emily wouldn't forgive me.

I looked around in the hospital hall and felt more like a prisoner than someone that got helped.

"She will call eventually, I promise." Mum tried to comfort me, as if she knew what I thought of.

On the other hand it couldn't have been that hard to guess. Emily was all that had been in my mind for two days now. But I doubted what my mum said…


	24. Chapter 24 - Hot pink

**Chapter twenty four**

**At Karen's**

Effy

"Effy!"

I turned around and saw Karen standing in the doorway. I raised my eyebrows and just looked at her. _'What?'_

"Come here, I have to talk to you!" She waved me to her.

I walked to her. She stepped in a few steps and made a gesture with her hand for me to step inside. It was nice for a change to come into a warm house it was kind of cold outside. I had walked around in Bristol since yesterday, if you don't count those days after the police dropped the bomb on me. But yesterday I actually went home for a change and slept. My mum didn't even notice me. She was always so naive and caught up in herself… Well to be honest I didn't even really notice her either.

"I'm sorry if I made you come in. Were you on your way somewhere?"

"No it's all right. I had no plans anyways." I answered and looked at Karen. "But why am I here…?"

I looked at Karen who sat in front of me in the sofa. I sat in the sofa and leaned against the armrest. She sat just like me but on the opposite side. I hadn't seen her for… five days..? I had totally lost track of time to be honest.

"It's about Freddie's funeral. Is it ok for you to talk about it?" She asked carefully.

I just nodded.

I didn't really know if I was ready to talk about it. But why really did she want to talk to me?

"I tried to reach you for like forever since that last time you were here. But your mobile phone is out of battery I guess. It was just luck that you showed up outside here."

"No. I have been walking around the whole fucking Bristol for days. I have walked past your house like five times or so and by the way I just turned my phone off. It's not dead" I took out my phone and threw it on Karen.

"Ouch!" Karen put her hands over her head to protect herself from more flying phones.

"Sorry. I've only got one phone." I smiled and poked her with my foot.

She smiled back. Then she hit me over my knee and threw my phone back at me. But it missed me and flew over my shoulder and landed in a corner. I didn't have the energy to go and get it, so I left it there.

"But what do you want to talk to me about?" I asked to get back to the point.

"You were his girlfriend… and you meant a lot to him, so dad and I would love for you to say a few words about him at the funeral."

"I'm not sure I could do that…" I answered.

"I've actually tried to call Katie as well… she loved him right?"

"Yes, she did."

I felt ashamed when I thought about when I hit her with a stone. But that time she proved that she really loved him. And if she had something to say at the funeral I wouldn't hinder her.

"Is it ok for you if she said a few words about him?"

_'Why is she asking me? I wasn't a part of Freddie's family."_

"No… Why would I?"

"I just thought…." Karen's voice died out.

"When is the funeral going to take place?" I asked.

"Tomorrow…"

"Well does Katie know that?"

"No."

Okay that was a problem. How had Karen actually thought? Had she even thought about it at all?

"I tried to reach her. For as long as I tried to reach you!" She suddenly sounded desperate.

_'Oh, she had thought about it.'_

"Well now you know why you couldn't reach me." I smiled a crooked smile and glanced at my mobile phone in the corner of the room.

"Let's try to reach her again." I said after a while.

* * *

**At the Fitch family's house**

Katie

_'This colour looks fucking amazing on me' _

I inspected my nails on my left hand. The colour was more than amazing. The hot pink colour suited my new skirt perfectly. I had decided to do something tonight. I planned to go out to a club.

_'Okay just the other hand then...'_

This was the hard bit of painting my own nails. Usually I would go to the nail salon. But at the moment I had neither time nor money. By the way I loved this colour so way wait.

I dipped the brush in the polish and made myself ready to face the biggest challenge of today.

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

_'FUCKING HELL, SHIT!'_

My hand now had a fucking line of hot pink straight across it. I turned to my phone beside me and stared at it. In my thoughts I imagined it exploding into pieces under my gaze... But it lay there and just said; _you have got a fucking text, your nails have to wait._

_'Hell no!'_

I returned to my nails. I could remove the mistake on my hand later...

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

I froze and I stared in front of me. Carefully I looked down on my hand, expecting my whole hand in hot pink. I raised my eyebrows and made a surprised sound when I found out that my hand looked the same as for three seconds ago.

I put back the brush in the polish can and looked at my phone. Someone called me, and that someone was that unknown number. The person who called hadn't called for days, but now that someone must have decided to talk to me.

I had actually thought of answering if this someone ever called again. But now wasn't the best time. The hot pink on my hand told me that I was in a bad mood.

_'No!' _I hung up.

I turned back to my nails and took a deep breath before I continued.

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

"Ghaaa!" I shouted frustrated. But I quickly went silent because of the unexpected sound of my own voice.

Now my hand had two, not so pretty, hot pink stripes.

This unknown didn't give up... right?

I put back the brush in the polish and picked up my phone carefully to not destroy my half dried nails. _'God help if this isn't important.'_

"What!" I screamed.

"Cool it down girl." Effy said on the other end.

_'Effy?'_

"Was it you all the time?" I asked a bit calmed down.

"No, it was Karen right before me. But you hung up."

"So Karen is the unknown..." I whispered out my thought.

"Unknown?" Effy asked on the other end.

"Oh sorry, that wasn't men for you. I just don't have Karen's number."

"Erm... Can you come over to Karen's?"

"Why?" I looked down on my nail polish. I was sort of in the middle of something.

"It's about Freddie's funeral..."

* * *

**Authors Note: **I thought it would be nice to know what Effy and Katie was doing.


	25. Chapter 25 - Give back the remote!

**Authors Note: **Thanks for reading and reviewing. It makes my day! I really enjoy writing this so I do hope that you enjoy reading it.

* * *

**Chapter twenty five**

**At Karen's**

Katie

"What the fuck happened?!" Karen and Effy asked in a choir and I saw a smile spreading wide over Karen's face.

"What?" I asked breathless.

"Your hand is fucking pink." Effy chuckled.

"You fuckers called. That's what happened!" I threw my jacked on Effy.

"I'll tell you again, chillax." Effy took my jacket and hung it up in by the door.

Karen walked in to the kitchen and sat down. I followed and placed myself by the table, still standing. Effy came in and I sat down too.

"This feels like a fucking meeting. What is it about the funeral?" I asked crossing my arms.

If they didn't know it, I had plans. So this had to be important.

Before Karen had a chance to answer my last question I burst out, "It was you the whole time! Do you know what stress you have caused me?" I stared at Karen.

"What?" Karen asked surprised at the change of the tone in my voice.

"It was you right, that called me all those times?"

"Yeah... I've tried to reach you a bunch of times."

"Well I don't have you number, and by the way you called with a hidden number." I said with a blaming voice.

"Sorry, I use to do that, but anyways you are here now." She said and smiled carefully.

"Okay let's cut to the chase." Effy interrupted my and Karen's conversation.

"You loved Freddie, right?" Karen asked carefully.

Yeah, fucking hell, yes I did. Well I still do. But what does that have to do with the funeral? If this was an invitation to the funeral it was a fucking odd way to do it. They could have just sent me a card. But I just nodded to Karen's question.

"Well, do you want to say a few lines about my brother at the funeral?"

"What…?" Me? Talk about him at the funeral?

"I've already asked Eff, but…"

"But what?" I looked at Effy.

She just looked away and took a deep breath.

"I'm not sure I can handle it…" She said after a while.

I let out a silent, "Oh…"

"So, do you?" Karen asked.

I wasn't sure. What would I possibly say? I wasn't even a relative. I hadn't even been his girlfriend when he died. Oh sorry, got killed, murdered. If someone would have the right to say something it would be Effy. She had really loved him. On the other hand I had too.

"I don't know what to say…" I answered.

"But dad and I would really love to hear a few words from the ones that were closest to him." Karen sighed.

"Why don't you ask Cook or JJ? Is Cook even invited?" Effy asked.

"When I called JJ he said that he wasn't able to talk in front of so many people… And I wasn't allowed to speak to Cook, not when it is so close to the trial…" Karen looked down on her hands.

"When is the trial? And is it open for the lot?" I asked.

I had almost forgotten that Cook was in custody. What the fuck happened to John?

"Don't know-"Karen began.

"Yes it's open, and it takes place in two days if I remember right." Effy interrupted.

"Just after the funeral then… Do you think Cook will show up at the funeral?" Karen asked Effy.

"How do you even know this much?" I asked before Effy had a chance to answer Karen.

"I talked to Cook." Effy looked at me." You should at least call and leave a message. If Cook really wants to come he will find a way to do it." Effy said looking between me and Karen.

"When is the funeral?" I asked and looked at Karen.

"Tomorrow."

"Then I definitely won't speak. I don't even know what to say!"

"Okay, then you doesn't have to." Karen said with a beaten voice.

I felt a bit sad to not be there for her. This was hard enough as it was. But I really didn't want to make a fool of myself by talking in front of the whole McClair family.

"How will it be with Naomi?" Effy asked after a couple of silent seconds.

"Didn't she lose her memory?" Karen raised one eyebrow.

"Yeah, but she remembers Freddie… I think." Effy continued.

"Shall I call?" Karen asked.

"I'm not sure she's got her phone. We'd better call Gina."

"I haven't got her number." Karen said.

"We can look it up, or we can ask Emily." I felt as if I wanted to add something to this conversation which had sort of started to leave me out.

"Good. Can you fix it then?" Karen looked at me.

"Yeah." I sent a text to Emily, telling her to call Gina and tell about the funeral, or to at least give me her number.

"Is everyone else invited?" I asked.

"We are sort of late out, aren't we?" Karen said sort of ashamed.

I took that as a no. How the heck did they expect us all to come if they told us about the funeral the day before…?

* * *

**At the hospital**

Naomi

"Come on. You can't sit here forever! Let's go to the hospital restaurant and eat some dinner."

I looked up from my scar. I had looked at my scar constantly since that time I got that flashback that reminded me of Emily. My mum stood by the foot end of the bed and looked questioning at me.

"Well? Wouldn't it be nice with something else than hospital food?" She continued.

She was right, I knew she was. So I got up and walked with her.

"Has Emily…" My voice died out.

"I'm sorry love."

_'Doesn't she understand that I need to talk to her NOW?!'_

I looked to my right as we passed a little kiosk. A newspaper stand stood at the entrance. And the headline said something about political issues in Iran or something. I hadn't really paid much attention to the newspaper, but the little of it I understood was enough to make me remember something. Or at least I thought it was a memory.

Everything slowly went black, and in desperation I fumbled with my hands in front of me. I got hold of a pair of hands, which I expected was my mum's. She sat me down. And then all the sound disappeared.

_"No fucking... you fucking stop!" I cried out._

_"No." Emily said and smiled childishly at me._

_We sat in our sofa and watched TV. Well, at least I watched. _

_"Give back the remote, or at least switch back!" I jumped on her and tried to take the remote from her._

_"I don't want to watch that political shit of yours. It's fucking boring." She smiled again as she waved the control over her head._

_"Oh no, It's interesting." I got hold of her arm wrists and put them together over her head._

_She let go of the control which fell onto the floor with a thud. I lay on top of her and pushed her back towards the arm rest. She lay under me and could barely move._

_ 'Ha-ha, one point for me.'_

_"Ok, ok I give up." She said with a small voice._

_'I knew I would win'_

_"But I won't let you go." I bent over her and kissed her perfect lips._

_"I don't mind." She whispered against my lips and kissed me back._

I heard again… I saw again. First I heard, then I saw colours, and finally the colours blended into forms and I could see clearly.

Mum sat bent over me.

_'Where am I?'_

I felt with my hands around me. And I felt the familiar feeling of the hospitals sheets, the very uncomfortable cotton sheets.

"Love, are you all right love?" Mum sounded worried.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. What happened?" My voice was rough, just as if I just woke up.

"You were gone for forty minutes." I heard a voice that belonged to someone I hadn't noticed.

I tried to lift my head up, but I had no strength at all. I felt all numb and weak.

"I saw something…" I mumbled.

"What exactly did you see?" The voice asked as I heard someone blipping on the machines by the bedside.

"I think it was a memory…" I looked at my mum when I answered because she was the only one I could face without having to make an effort.

"I think you will be fine. Just rest a while until you feel strong enough to stand up." A woman, a nurse, bent over me and smiled lightly.

I had seen a scene of me and Emily together. I took it as a proof that we had had something together. And that something I wanted back, I felt a desire. I didn't want to feel the way I I could I would have let it all go and forget Emily all together… But my desire told me that that wasn't gonna happen.

I heard a song, not just a song. It was mum's ringtone. And then I heard mum talking. _'OMG it can be Emily!'_

"Hi…. Yes of course…. Bye." Mum reached out her phone to me.

I snapped it out of her hand and saw from the corner of my eyes how she mimed something. But I didn't interpret what it was.

"Emily?!" I almost screamed to the phone.

I held it so hard my hands cramped while I waited for an answer.

"Oh, nice to hear from you too Naomi." It sounded like Emily, but still not.

It was a voice I had heard before. The voice that sounded like Emily's but without the roughness that was so… '_sexy?_' I got surprised over my own thought. I had described Emily to myself as desirable, pretty, lovely and so on, but never as sexy. But maybe that was what she was. Yes she was sexy, and that's final.

But this wasn't her. It was Katie because she had a bit of a lisp.

"Hi Katie… Sorry" I sounded even more disappointed than I had intended to.

"Yeah, well I just want to ask you if you want to come to Freddie's funeral on Karen's behalf."

"Oh…"

"It's tomorrow at one o'clock. Show up if you want to… Emily will be there." And then Katie hung up.


	26. Chapter 26 - Do you want this?

**Chapter twenty six**

**At the police station**

Cook

"You are supposed to fucking defend me!" I shouted at my lawyer on the other side of the table.

It was just my luck to get the worse lawyer in the whole fucking England, again… I won't win this fucking trial if my lawyer won't do anything else than sleeping. He hadn't even tried to find out anything.

But if I wanted someone that could defend me I would probably have to pay with my life. My mum had definitely the money. But she didn't want to help me out, as usual, although I hadn't asked her, and I was not going to either.

The door opened and a guard walked inside.

"Excuse me. There is a phone call for James Cook."

Happy, I left the lawyer sitting on his chair and I walked away with the guard.

"It's your sister. You get three minutes." The guard handed me the phone.

_'My sister? I had no fucking sister.'_

"Hi Cook."

It was Effy.

"Sister?!" I laughed.

"Sorry, it was the only way I could reach you. I tried it with John so I know it works."

"John? So you went there? What happened?"

"I don't really feel like talking about it okay?"

"Sure. What is it then?" I asked and glanced at the clock.

"It's Freddie's funeral tomorrow at one o'clock. Can you come?"

"Not sure… I'll do my best."

I had almost forgotten about the funeral. I felt as if I needed to go. After all Freddie had been my best mate together with JJ. We had been the three musketeers. But would the police let me go? Especially now when they thought I had murdered him? That was just absurd.

"Will you come to the trial?" I asked Effy.

"Yeah, I was considering it… I know that you are innocent."

"Thanks." I said and heard how Effy hung up.

When I got back to the room my lawyer had been in I found out that he was gone. Well that's not a lawyer doing his job. So the guard led me back to my cell.

Who the fuck am I going to talk to about going to the funeral?

* * *

**At Naomi's house **

Gina

Naomi had fallen asleep. I didn't even know what Katie wanted her. But it had showed that she was clearly disappointed that it wasn't Emily that had called. I opened the blue door and walked inside.

"Hi there." Kieran pulled me into a kiss.

It had been such a busy time so it was awfully nice to be home again with Kieran. I kissed him back. I smelled food from the kitchen. Naomi had fainted and we had never had time to eat dinner at the restaurant which we had intended to. So the thought of food was tempting.

Kieran led me into the kitchen. The table was dined.

"Sit down dear." He pulled out the chair for me.

_'That was nice of him.'_

He poured me some wine and served me vegetarian lasagna.

"How is Naomi?" He asked while taking he too sat down.

"Fine, she's asleep right now. But she misses Emily…" I said and smiled a faint smile.

"Well I feel for her. I have missed you too you know." He took my hand across the table.

"You are the one woman that have made me truly happy and…"

_'No…please don't.'_ I knew where this was heading and I just, no. Don't get me wrong I really loved him, but to get married was not something for me. Not now at least…

Why hadn't I realized that this was coming? The nice dinner and the formal things, like pulling out the chair… We had never really talked about marriage, so he didn't even know where I stood in that matter. I didn't even know where he stood. '_Well at least now I know…'_ But he should know that I didn't want to commit myself to something, least of all someone. I bet I told him that… one time.

"… I want to share the rest of my life with you. Do you want to marry me?" He looked at me as he stroke my hand with his thumb.

"I know you don't want to commit to something like marriage. But I ask you because I love you. And we don't need a big ceremony… I just want a proof that you want to be mine." He continued.

_'Yeah, he knew I didn't want to commit myself to someone. I knew I had told him.'_

"I want to be with you too…" I dragged my hand away and returned to my food.

I didn't know what to say…

* * *

**Authors Note: **Yeah I know, a short chapter. But thanks for reading anyways! xoxo


	27. Chapter 27 - Funeral

**Authors Note: **Sorry for a delay in updating. I have just been pretty busy this week. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter twenty seven**

**At the Fitch family's house**

Emily

"Are you done?!" Katie slammed the door open and walked inside.

She wore a black dress. It was in, like, two parts. The top was tight while the skirt was big and vide… and with ruffles.

"You have to wear something black. It's a funeral after all." She went to her wardrobe and dived into the jungle of clothes.

"Sorry, weren't we in a rush?" I grinned and threw the green top I had in my hand on Katie.

"This one is perfect." Katie took out a black dress with lace in the back.

"Oh my god Katie, it's a funeral, not a whore gathering."

"Put this on. As you said, we are late." Katie said. She obviously didn't care about my opinion.

I slipped into the dress. Of course it fit me, she was my twin after all. But it was definitely not my style. We went downstairs where mum waited in the hall with the car keys in her hand.

"Oh, you two look beautiful." She smiled when she saw us.

I felt the lie in her voice and didn't respond. She was a twat and all she cared about was that I became more like Katie, which was never going to happen for as long as I was still alive. If she wanted it so bad she could dress me up like Katie for my funeral for all I cared.

"Whatever, let's go." I walked past my mum.

Outside someone waited for me.

"Mandy?!" I closed the door behind me, mum and Katie still inside.

"I'm sorry, I just want to talk to you."

"You called my sister." I snapped at her. "Didn't I tell you that I didn't want to see you again?" I continued.

"Sorry, I just…" Mandy turned around and walked away.

I instantly felt ashamed about the fact that I had been so rude. It was after all my fault. I had let her be around. I had played with her feelings. And if she now just wanted to talk to me then why wouldn't I let her.

I would definitely not drive Mandy away because of Naomi. No, if Naomi had something against Mandy she had to find me and tell me herself… Yeah, yeah I know, I was actually tired of Mandy. But if she just wanted to talk, then why not? By the way, she was actually nice to hang out with.

"No wait." I called after Mandy.

She turned around and looked surprised.

"What?"

"You said you just wanted to talk." I said.

"Yeah, are you… going somewhere?" She asked while she eyed me from head to toe.

"In fact I am… I'm going to Freddie's funeral."

"Do you think I can follow?"

_'What?!' _That was something I had not expected. She wasn't even invited… But if she went with me… then it wouldn't matter I guessed.

"Are you ready to go then Emily?" Mum asked as she and Katie came out.

"Yeah sure." I answered to both Mandy and mum.

"This is my friend. She's coming along. Can she get a ride?" I asked my mum as I slid into the car.

"Okay." Mum answered confused.

"What the fuck Ems?" Katie whispered in my ear as she pushed me towards the car.

"It's none of your fucking business, okay?" I whispered back as I entered the red vehicle.

* * *

**At the funeral**

Effy

I stood beside Karen and looked over the parking lot. You could see a lot from the stairs that led to the church entrance. I saw how the whole McClair family came in cars. There were cousins, grandparents and other relatives. This was a lot of family, at least for me. I just had one family. Not that it was that much left of my family.

"How long is left until it starts?" I asked Karen.

"A quarter." She answered stiffly.

She had been like that the whole fucking morning. I could understand her. But she was awfully hard to talk to when she was like this. I was sad too, of course. But I decided not to cry today. So stone-face Effy it was.

I saw a taxi. And out of it Naomi came. She looked around and when she spotted me and Karen she walked right up to us.

"So you came." I said and looked at her.

"Yeah…"

"You are here because of Emily, right?" I said and it wasn't even a question.

I knew she was. I could tell it from the look of her. And she didn't answer to my question so I interpreted her silence as a yes.

"Do you think Cook will show up?" Karen asked after a while.

"Don't know…" I answered.

I wished that he found a way to get here. After all her had been Freddie's best friend.

"Eff!" I looked around as someone called my name.

Behind me I saw Panda followed by JJ, Laura, and Thomas coming towards me, Karen and Naomi. Great, now we just missed Emily, Katie and Cook.

"Hi." I said when they came closer.

"Are you alright Eff?" Panda asked and gave me a hug.

"Yeah…" I answered and glanced at Karen. I thought that she needed more comfort than I did.

I heard a car driving into the car park, and I heard how Naomi dragged a staggered breath. I knew from that that it was the twins that came. I turned towards the parking lot and got a bit of a shock from what I saw.

I saw Katie coming out of the car and after her Emily came. And on the other side Mandy appeared. _'What the fuck is she doing here, and together with Emily?!'_

I looked carefully at Naomi. She looked as if she had frozen on the spot. I remembered how Mandy had given Naomi a bitch-slap at the café for not that long ago. Then I looked down at Emily who didn't even look at us. And for a moment it looked as if she was going to jump back in to the car.

* * *

**At the funeral**

Naomi

_ 'Finally, there they are.'_

The only reason I actually came here drove in to the car park. First Katie came out of the car and after her Emily came out. I was desperate to meet her gaze. But she didn't look at me. And then the car door on the other side opened.

_'Who else is coming?'_

I froze where I stood when I saw who came out. It was Mandy!

A bunch of questions flashed through my head. Was she Emily's girlfriend after all? Had I remembered it all wrong? What now?


	28. Chapter 28 - Flower-covered lid

**Authors Note: **Sorry I've got nothing to say but for you to enjoy the chapter.

* * *

**Chapter twenty eight**

**At the funeral**

Emily

I looked quickly around the parking lot. And then I spotted the one person I had hoped would not be there, I spotted Naomi. I had hoped that she wouldn't show up because of her accident, but I was wrong.

Then I remembered Mandy. No, I didn't want to face Naomi with Mandy by my side. I turned towards the car and for a second I played with the thought of jumping back in, disappear and not have to face this.

_'No, just ignore Naomi.'_

I turned away from the car and I walked with detriment steps into the church, without looking at neither of my friends.

"What the fuck Emily." Katie whispered as we past them.

I didn't answer her. Instead I went inside and sat down. Mandy sat down beside me. I knew that because I heard her not because I saw her, because I didn't look at her. I stared in front of me… trying my best not to look at Naomi.

* * *

**At the funeral**

Naomi

Katie went in and sat down beside Emily. Panda and Thomas went and sat down with them as well. Two others sat down beside them. I didn't recognize them, a boy with curly hair and a blonde girl. I guessed that they were friends as well. Karen went and sat down in the first row beside the ones I decided were Freddie's relatives.

"I don't want to be here." I whispered to Effy whom still stood by my side.

I didn't want to be here if Emily was here with Mandy. The fact that she showed up with her confirmed that Mandy was her girlfriend. That meant I wasn't. But I couldn't leave, that would be rude to all the guests. It was a funeral after all.

"Let's sit down in the back then." Effy whispered back and went and sat down on the bench furthest at the back.

I went and sat down beside her. I had been lucky to get allowed to go to the funeral. According to the doctor I had to stay at the hospital for another five days. But I had gotten permission to leave for this occasion. So I was going to bare it. And as soon as the ceremony was over I was going to leave… without looking at Emily.

The funeral began. The priest said a bunch of stuff, but I couldn't concentrate.

_'Yes, Emily is sexy… No!'_

I tried to concentrate on what the priest said. But my gaze got drawn to Emily's back. She sat a few rows in front of me, and precisely in front of me. She wore a black lace dress, which made it possible for me to look at her spine, her bare skin underneath the lace. It was totally killing me, almost unbearable.

_'I need to get out of here!'_

I stood up so quickly that I made a hell lot of noise. Everyone looked back at me, even Emily. I met her gaze, but she looked away.

"What the fuck? Sit down." Effy whispered and dragged lightly in my shirt.

I looked around and realized that everyone was still looking at me. I felt how I blushed and squeezed past Effy and walked out of the church.

_'Naomi, you fucking idiot, it's a funeral!"_

Yes it was a funeral, but I barely remembered Freddie. So for some reason it felt wrong to be there, amongst relatives and close friends. I felt really bad because I used the church as an excuse to find Emily. I opened one of the big double doors and sneaked through.

The cloudy sky made the air stuffy, it wasn't very pleasant. It looked as if it was going to rain. But didn't want to go inside again, I didn't want to see Emily. I needed to talk to her… but Mandy made it hard for me to get close to Emily. Mandy obviously hated me…

A police car arrived, and out came Cook and two police men.

"Naomikins!" Cook waved and smiled.

I smiled and saw how the police men grabbed Cook's arms, one arm each. He grinned. They walked past me and went into the church.

"How is it going with Emily?" He asked as he got led past me.

_'How did he know? Or maybe he didn't, he maybe just asked to be polite. He is here because Freddie was his best mate.'_

He was sort of late though.

* * *

**At the funeral**

Emily

The sudden sound of a bench being pushed over hardwood floor made everyone else react and look back. I looked back as well and saw Naomi stand up in the back. She blushed a bit.

_'She was so fucking adorable!'_

Then she looked straight at me. I looked away. I didn't want to get drawn back into her eyes. I didn't want to feel the desire again. I stood by my decision about letting her come to me if she wanted me. And if she didn't come, then I would take it as if she didn't want me enough.

I heard how the doors opened and then everyone in the church turned back to the priest.

A minute or so past until I heard the doors opening again. My first thought was that it was Naomi again. But Katie's gasping beside me told me it wasn't.

"It's Cook. And he has the whole security system with him" Katie mumbled as she elbowed me in my side.

"Ouch!" I let out as I grinned and rubbed my ribs.

Then I looked back and saw Cook coming in with two police men by his side holding his arms. They sat down at the back bench where Effy sat by herself.

_'I've got to talk to her about Naomi…'_

I looked back at the priest, who hadn't let the fact that two police men came in distract him. He talked and he lost me, so instead of trying to follow him I just decided to look at my feet.

I heard crying around me. I looked at Mandy whom sat deeply concentrated in her phone, and then I looked at Katie who cried. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it as she cried. I looked at her from the corner of my eye. '_Poor her, she must be devastated'_. But Effy must have been even more devastated. But if she was she definitely didn't show it.

I looked back at Effy. She had her gaze locked at the flower-covered lid of Freddie's coffin. It started to rain. I first heard small raindrops against the window. The light rain grew fast into a storm and the rain whipped on to the church roof and the wind blew with an agonizing force.

I saw Panda looking anxiously at Effy while she held Thomas hand.

I didn't even notice when the ceremony was over, I first realized it when the church emptied. We followed the mass out of the church into the pouring rain. We all gathered around a quadrant pit and looked at Freddie's coffin as it got lowered into the ground.

Everyone cried, well almost everyone. At least you could feel the sorrow in the air. I still held Katie's hand. Even when she was supposed to put dirt into the pit she dragged me along.

The police car drove away with Cook even before it was done. I saw from the corner of my eye how Naomi sat alone on the stairs to the church. She looked down at us. Panda held Effy's hand and Karen held Effy's other hand. Karen and Effy had really gotten close to each other this past week.


	29. Chapter 29 - My heart bleeds

**Chapter twenty nine**

**After the funeral**

Emily

It was only us left, me, Katie, JJ, Laura, Effy, Pandora, Thomas, Naomi and Mandy. The relatives had left. Katie still held my hand. But her crying had decreased from uncontrollable crying to light sobbing.

It had stopped raining, but the ground was still wet and the air was moist and stuffy.

"Can we talk?" Mandy tapped my shoulder.

I nodded and let go of Katie's hand. Katie wrapped both her arms around herself and bent down onto the wet grass. Like if she was shielding herself from the world surrounding her.

I followed Mandy a few meters away from everyone else.

"What is it?" I asked, blank.

"I miss you… and I am really sorry for last time…" I eyed her with a raised eyebrow. She looked straight up sorry.

"It's all right." I said after a few seconds.

I wasn't sure it was. But I really didn't feel anything anymore, if she was sorry then fine. I wasn't mad at her, and neither was I feeling sad at her. So maybe I just couldn't come to terms with any of my feelings. Not even for Naomi...

No that's a lie. I still loved her, and the desire for her was just as strong as before, maybe even stronger. But if she didn't want me than what could possibly be wrong with giving Mandy a chance?

I looked around and found that Pandora, Thomas, JJ and Laura had left. I wondered how JJ felt about Freddie… How did he take it all? I hadn't spoken to him in a while now…

I saw Effy sitting with Naomi on the stairs. I knew I had thought that they had something, but I wasn't sure any more. And even if they had I wouldn't hinder them, I had after all told Naomi that I was going to leave her alone…

"Mum's here. Let's go!" Katie called.

I looked around and saw mum in our car and Katie on her way jumping in.

"Come on." I reached out a hand to Mandy, who took it.

And together we walked to the car. I struggled hard to not look at Naomi. Because if I did I knew I would be by her side in a flash, even if she didn't want me…

* * *

**After the funeral**

Effy

"Why haven't you spoken to Emily yet?" I looked at Naomi. She sat on the highest stair and I stood on the ground.

When she didn't answer I sat down on the lowest stair. It was cold and damp from the rain.

"I guess you aren't sad because of the same reasoned as me." I said.

"Well, no… And you don't even look sad." Naomi said stiffly.

"I am."

She didn't know how sad I was. If I could I would cry for days, no for ages! But I wasn't that kind of person… I missed Freddie so much that it killed me inside, my heart wanted to stop pumping blood because it hurt too much to be alive. But it was easier handling my sorrow by talking about someone else's. It made me stop thinking about my own problems.

"Well, go talk to her." I demanded.

"No, not… when Mandy is there…" She answered unsure.

"Why?" I looked up at her.

"…. She is her girlfriend, right?"

_'What?!' _I was close to choking myself by swallowing my chewing gum. Was Naomi right? If she were I would totally understand the big gap between her and Emily. But I hadn't heard anything, so I doubted it. But still…

_No, you are. _I wanted to say. I looked down at Emily and Mandy. They stood and talked to each other. Something in the way they acted told me that Naomi was wrong, but I couldn't tell her something if it turned out that I was wrong.

"Go talk to her." Was all I could say.

A car drove in and Katie who had been sitting on the ground got up.

"Mum's here. Let's go!" Katie called towards Emily.

Then Emily did something unexpected. She held out her hand, and Mandy took it. They walked to the car, hand in hand. It reminded me, they had after all showed up together…

I looked threw a glance at Naomi. What would she think? I was pretty sure that whatever just had happened didn't make Naomi calm. I didn't even know what I thought any more…

* * *

**At the hospital**

Naomi

My whole body felt numb. It felt as if I just had run a marathon. I collapsed onto the hospital bed as soon as I got there. And I let my tears come. Emily and Mandy, the picture of them together had gotten stuck in my head. It felt as if I had lost Emily forever.

"What happened love?" Mum's worried voice surprised me.

"Emily… she's with someone else." I cried out.

I turned my back towards mum and crumpled myself into a ball.

"… I don't think so love. She loves you." Mum tried to comfort me.

"No she doesn't!" I put my hand over my head, building me a fortress to protect myself.

"Yes, she does." Mum put a hand on my back.

"No she… doesn't! Stop saying… that all the time! You… You just say it to comfort… me! You say it all the time and… and you shall know that it doesn't help! Emily hates me… and I know… and I know that. Stop…p trying to be gentle, you just making it worse!" I cried out through my sobbing.

I couldn't even breathe. I chipped for air and my crumpled up position didn't help my breathing a bit. Thankfully mum didn't say anything more, which allowed me to concentrate on getting air into my lungs and not trying to speak.

That was why Emily hadn't called. She had been with Mandy. So Mandy hadn't lied after all…

Mum stroke my back as I tried to regain a steady breathing. My tears flooded down onto the sheets and made my pillow and my quilt all wet. My hands over my head created a covered space which made the air around my face warm and damp. So it wasn't the easiest air to breathe in. But I had no intention of taking away my hands and make me vulnerable to the dangers outside.

I felt how I started do get sleepy. My gaze dropped and landed on my scar on my knee. I had my knees dragged up against my chest and almost rested my chin on my knees. So the scar was so close that I could kiss it. So I did. I kissed the scar that reminded me of Emily.

Then I took my hand and scratched on it. Finally I could breathe again. The air was cool and easy to drag into my lungs. I used the power I got from my air filled lungs to scratch harder onto the scar.

I wanted to get rid of the heart that reminded me of Emily, the heart that stared back at me every time I looked down at my knee. I began to bleed around it, the heart bled, just like my own heart. But I didn't feel anything, no pain.

"What are you doing love?" Mum asked behind my back.

I knew she would catch me scratching up my skin. So I scratched harder before it was too late.

"Stop that!" Mum took my hand preventing me to scratch any more.

She held my hand in a steady grip as I burst into tears once more. More than that I didn't remember…


	30. Chapter 30 - She's falling apart

**Chapter thirty**

**At the Fitch family's house**

Emily

"Bye." Mandy kissed me.

I didn't kiss her back, nor did I stop her. I just received the kiss, confused. I felt empty inside and I I wanted was to disappear.

Mandy turned around and walked away, and so did I. I walked inside and as I closed the door and turned around I met an angry Katie. She had waited for me behind the door and looked as if she was going to explode with rage at any second. She held her hands on her hips trying to look big and intimidating.

"Don't tell me you have fucking given up on Naomi!" She yelled at me as she demonstratively flung with her arms in the air.

"No I just…" I guessed that she saw me and Mandy.

_'Can't she mind her own fucking business?' _

"Well, you are a fucking twat!" Katie exclaimed.

_'No apparently she couldn't.'_

"How could you let her do that?!" Katie swung her arms out in another desperate gesture.

"Mind you own fucking business, please." I tried to squeeze past Katie in the hall. But she hindered me by moving in front of me, blocking the way.

"No. I won't! You love Naomi."

_'Hell yeah I do!' _But it felt as though I would burst into tears at any moment. So I took a deep breath and tried to act as though I didn't care.

"So, what if I do?"

"_So_ _what_? That's not _what_, that's fucking important. You need her!" Katie pushed me into the wall by pushing my shoulders.

I hit the wall with my back. It hadn't really been a gentle push. My left shoulder hit the wall right in the corner of a picture frame. It hurt, but I tried to ignore it.

"Ouch! …But she doesn't love me enough to come after me!" I cried out.

I found a gap between Katie and the wall, so I crammed myself through and locked myself in on the bathroom.

"She lost her memory bitch!" Katie yelled through the bathroom door.

_'Yeah she did… I know…?' I thought. But I didn't say anything back to Katie._

No. I was too upset to think straight. I sank down on the floor and leaned back against the bathroom door.

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

**Brrrrrrrrr!**

I looked at my phone. It was Gina… was I going to answer or not. I knew I hadn't called her back. That was kind of stupid.

"Hi…" I answered carefully, sure that she would hate me by now.

"You have to come! You have to talk to her. She's destroying herself, she's falling apart!" Gina sounded desperate.

_'What could possibly have happened?'_

I knew I had promised myself not to chase Naomi. But Gina sounded really desperate, and maybe even a bit scared. What problem could I possibly have caused Naomi?

"I'm coming." I hung up and unlocked the door.

Outside in the hall I found Katie, standing where I left her.

"Where the fuck are you going?!" She asked as I swung the front door open and got out of the house.

I couldn't help but getting my hopes up for Naomi to remember me as I ran. I knew that it was silly, because if she didn't remember me I would die of sorrow. A bit melodramatic maybe, but I would at least go into a severe depression if she wouldn't remember me.

* * *

**At the hospital**

Naomi

"Get up love." Mum whispered in my ear.

I opened my eyes slowly. I expected it to be light outside, because it was morning. Or was it? It wasn't light. It was dim in the room. Had I fallen asleep?

I stretched out myself from my crumpled position. The quilt was dry and hard from tears and so was my pillow. Something stopped me from stretching out my left leg. I looked at it and saw to my surprise a big scratch wound. Had I done that?

"Emily is coming…" Mum said.

"What?! No." I sighed.

She had a girlfriend and I didn't want to disturb her any more. She didn't even love me.

"She doesn't even love me." I mumbled.

"But you do. So get up!" Mum almost pushed me out of the bed.

Yes, she was right. I loved her. Well it couldn't hurt telling her the truth. I sat up in the bed and I swung my legs over the bedside.

"I'll leave you to it…. Tell the truth." Mum kissed me on my cheek and walked out of the room.

"No, mum…" I got up after her. I didn't want her to leave.

But as I stood in the hallway I realized that she had already gone. I still wondered, did mum call Emily or did Emily call back herself?

Then I saw Emily. She walked towards me in a fast pace through the hallway. I wanted to run towards her and hug her and kiss her. But I couldn't, not before I had cleared out that thing about Mandy.

"What happened?" Emily asked stiffly when she finally stood in front of me.

"What?"

"Your mum told me…" She eyed me, from my head to my feet. But her gaze stopped at my knee. I heard how she gasped.

"I know… my scar, the heart." I said and met her gaze.

"Do you remember that I said that to you?" She asked with a small voice.

"Yeah, that's why I tried to scratch it until it wasn't visible anymore."

"So you don't love me then." Emily said, and it wasn't a question.

"But I do love you… I love you so much it's killing me …" I whispered.

I could see that Emily hadn't expected me to say that. Emily looked chocked at me with wide eyes. And she almost started to cry. _'Did I say something?'_

"But if Mandy means more to you then-" I got interrupted before I had finished my sentence.

"Mandy?" Emily looked even more chocked at me.

"Isn't she your girlfriend?" I asked.

Inside I hoped that she would say no. I hoped so desperately that I had interpreted it all wrong. I wished for us to start over again….

"How the fuck did you get something like that into your mind?" She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

_'So Mandy had lied then, but why... Well that didn't matter right now.'_

"But you two, at the funeral…?" I asked.

"I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with me…" Emily stared down at her feet.

"Why?! I love you…" I walked up to her and put my hand under her chin and made her look up at me with those eyes that could kill me.

It felt weird. I was trembling. It felt as if I didn't know Emily at the same time as it felt as if I had known her forever. I didn't know how to act.

"But you left me by the lake…" Emily's eyes began to water.

"I'm sorry, but I didn't remember…" I knew it was a lame excuse. But it was the only one I had. And it was true after all.

"So you remember me now?" She asked.

"I was you girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah…" She gave out a silent sobbing.

"Mum told me that I hurt you more than I knew of when we were by the lake. Why?" I asked. I needed to know.

"You left me last time too…" She began to cry.

Suddenly I remembered it. Our first time by the lake, our kiss, and how we made love, and how the same feeling as last time got over me, the sense of being unsure. I left her, and she had begged me to be brave and want her back…

* * *

**Authors Note: **Don't kill me because of Mandy's kiss. I felt as though her intentions had to get a bit cleared up. After all, now Emily and Naomi are at least talking to each other. xoxo


	31. Chapter 31 - So fast for love

**Authors Note:** I will go away for a week on holiday to croatia. So I won't upload anything during this coming week. xoxo

* * *

**Chapter thirty one**

**At the Fitch family's house **

Katie

"Where is she...? I bet she's with Naomi." Mum looked over the table at the empty chair in front of her with a stern look on her face.

"I don't know. She left a while ago." I just said and stared down at the soup in my bowl. Why was it that we always ate soup?

"It's all right love. She can take care of herself." Dad tried to calm mum down, but it didn't seem to work.

"No. She is with that fucking Naomi. I'm going to get her home." She stood up and the table shook and my soup almost spilled out. Our new dining table was not the most stabile one.

"She's probably fucking Naomi." James said.

"Don't you use that word in this house!" Mum looked at James with rage.

"Well you started." James protected himself.

Mum just looked at dad with an open mouth.

"You did." Dad smiled a bit but he stopped when mum made a frustrated sound.

Mum didn't change her mind, she was still on the way to go out and get Emily home. I wondered for one second between whether I should go instead or not. But I decided to go and flew up after mum. Mum was not the very best with handling these situations. I actually wanted Emily and Naomi to get back together, the last thing on earth mum wanted.

"I can go this time too. She won't be too happy if you go… trust me."

Mum stopped and was just about to say something. Probably something about how rude I had been and that she was just as capable of getting Emily home as I was. But she changed her mind and just walked back to the kitchen. She must have understood that I was right. But it took against to go when I opened the door and found out that it was raining, not a lot though… but still.

* * *

**At the hospital**

Emily

"I do want you back." Naomi said silently and her gaze flickered.

"You love me then?" I asked unconvinced.

"Yes." Naomi answered without a second thought.

Something held me back from believing her. Last time I thought that she remembered me was when we had been by the lake, and then I had been terribly mistaken. I wasn't ready to make that mistake again.

"But do you remember everything?" I asked. I needed to be sure.

* * *

Naomi

_'Yes, yes, yes… I do remember everything!'_

"I remember." I looked at her and she looked at me with one raised eyebrow.

So she didn't believe me then…

"You don't believe me?" I looked at her and mimicked the same face expression she had.

"No I don't, sorry." She smiled and changed her expression.

"What do I have to do to make you believe me?" I asked.

"I don't know…" She looked at me.

Her face was pretty close to mine so I cupped my hands around her face and pulled her into a kiss. She responded but then she pulled back surprised.

"You know don't have to you know." She pulled back her hair behind her ears.

_'Doesn't she get it? I fucking want to!'_

"No you don't understand. I want to." I pulled her into another kiss.

"So you do remember?" She asked against my lips.

"Yes." I answered.

"Everything?"

"Yes, everything." I closed the space between our lips.

This time it was a kiss for everything I had lost and won back. I loved the feeling of her lips against mine. And all our past kisses flashed through my head, and this time I felt every memory.

My hand trembled on the door behind me to my room and when I found the door handle I opened it and backed in. As we stumbled into my room we were still kissing. Our mouths did not separate once.

* * *

Emily

I felt her hand slid under my top, stroking my spine. '_She remembers me, she remembers everything'_. I thought she remembered me by the lake last night, but how wrong I was. But now she seemed to remember me completely. And the feeling that came over me was a feeling of relief and lust. And that she stroked my spine didn't make it any better.

I knew it was right, but it all had gone so fast. I wasn't sure if I had really got it all. Had I missed something? Even if I would wake up alone and realize that I had made the same mistake again it would be totally worth it. I couldn't handle being away from Naomi any more.

"I love you." I whispered against Naomi's lips before she closed the tiny bit of space between us. She licked my bottom lip and I could feel her breathing in sync with mine.

She kissed my neck and then she blew lightly on the wet kiss mark which gave me chills and goose bumps. She started to pull in my shirt, so I wriggled to help her get it off me. And I pulled off her hospital gown. She only wore knickers under it.

I bent down kissing her stomach while my hands cupped her breasts and played with her hard nipples. I felt her arms wrapping around my shoulders as she pulled me closer to her, if that was even possible.

Her hands tangled in my hair and pulled my head back. She leaned forward and kissed me. I pushed her gently on top of the bed and sat down on top of her. _'I love her!'_

I worked my way down to her clit and felt her hips tighten under my hands from my licking. I slid two fingers into her and her hips moved frantically back and forth. She moaned and whispered my name. She tightened around my fingers when she reached her climax. I continued with my work to make her build-up. After a few seconds she reached her orgasm. She bent her head back and her back bent over in a strange way, it lasted for several seconds. Then after that she relaxed and breathed breathless. Her back fell down onto the bed.

Then I realized that we were in a hospital early in the morning. And the last thing I wanted was for someone to find us now. I looked at the door but couldn't see a lock.

Before I finished thinking Naomi's hands grabbed me around my back and pulled me to her. Her hands opened my bra and worked their way down stroking my stomach and taking a detour around my breasts.

"Naomi I think we shouldn't do anything…"

I hadn't finished my sentence before her hand found its way into my knickers and started to make me moan and shiver of pleasure.

"…stupid." She finished my sentence for me and kissed me on my mouth. And I could feel her smiling against my lips.

* * *

Katie

As I got to the hospital I hesitated. What if she wasn't here…? But if Emily was anywhere it would be here. So I just walked right in and walked towards the room I knew Naomi had.

I opened the door and my jaw dropped.

My sister and Naomi lay entwined on the hospital bed kissing and doing some muff-monkey businesses. When Naomi noticed me she opened her mouth and the she quick as hell pulled the quilt over her and my twin sister.

"I told you that we were not supposed to do anything stupid." I heard my sister whisper underneath the quilt. Then I heard a giggle and a kiss.

"Erm… Sorry." I stammered out as Naomi's head appeared from underneath the quilt.

I was totally taken aback.

"No problem Katie… What did you want?"

"So you remember everything then?" I asked my mouth still wide open.

"… yeah I think so, most of it at least." She gave me a faint smile and then she added "If I were you I would close my mouth to prevent anything from landing in there."

Yes she really was her old bitchy self again, luckily for Emily I guessed. I closed my mouth and started to clear my head.

"… Mum wanted you to come home."

"Tell her I'm here and that everything is fine." I heard from underneath the quilt.

"Yeah I'll try... But be more discreet next time lezzers. I'm going home. I need to process." I turned around and walked away. I was trying to get the image I had just seen out of my head.

* * *

Naomi

"I told you so." Emily said when Katie had left.

"No you didn't really say that Katie was going to show up." I gave her a smirk.

"… No but I told you that we weren't supposed to do anything stupid."

I just kissed her and snuggled into her side underneath the quilt. She put her arms around me and looked me in the eyes. It was so peaceful to lay there in Emily's embrace under the warmth of the quilt. My head pounded reluctantly, but I didn't care. If I had caused any problems to my wound it would have been totally worth it.

"Oh my god! You are all red on your cheek… It was my mum right?" She cried out as she stroked me over my cheek.

In fact I hadn't noticed. I didn't feel anything so I had suspected that it wasn't visible. But apparently I had been wrong.

"It's all right Ems." It was amazing to call her that. I remembered using that nickname to address her before. As I called her Ems I saw how her eyes got watery. She really was a sensitive flower. I leaned back my head and kissed her on her jaw.

* * *

**Authors Note: **I know that some of you don't want them to end up together. But I haven't got the heart to break up such a beautiful couple. Sorry…


	32. Chapter 32 - Fair and square

**Authors Note: **Back again with another chapter.

* * *

**Chapter thirty two**

**At the courthouse **

Effy

"I'm sorry."

"For what? It went quite well actually." Cook smiled as the police men led him out of the courtroom.

He had right, to be honest. But he had to serve three months in custody for that MDMA thing he ran away from. Thankfully Cook's fucking lawyer actually got John convicted for the murder of Freddie. Justice had been made that day. So it was all actually quite good, Cook had been right.

I had been sitting on needles for the last, like, three and a half hours. I had wished it so bad for John to get arrested and put to jail. So all my wishes was now fulfilled. And Cook would fix three months. I knew that.

"Let's go." Katie knocked me on my shoulder. And Karen stood behind and nodded agreeing.

I had almost forgotten that they had been there the whole time… But of course Karen and Katie were there. Karen had after all been Freddie's sister, and Katie had loved Freddie too, just as I had…

"Hello, Eff!" Katie hit me on my shoulder.

I found myself frozen on the spot and Katie's hard knuckles pushed me back to reality.

"Yeah, let's go." I smiled at Katie and began walking out of the building.

"How's it with Emily and Naomi?" I asked Katie.

I saw how she shivered and made a face. "They are all perfectly fine. They are definitely making up for old times."

"What, something happened?" I asked and elbowed her in her side.

"Yeah, you can say that again." Katie elbowed me back.

"What…? Stop it, what are you talking about? I want to know what you are talking about. I feel left out!" Karen complained and stopped abruptly on the stairs to the front door.

"To be honest, I don't know." I shrugged and raised my eyebrows.

"You don't want to know either. If you against all odds want to know, you have to ask them yourself." Katie said and ended the discussion.

"Fine, can't we go to Keith's pub or something?" Karen asked.

"Sounds good." Katie and I answered at the same time.

So we headed off towards Keith's pub. Why I didn't know, probably to celebrate that justice had been served and John got what he deserved. But I thought he deserved more than a couple of years. After all he had molested on me. But that never came out, of course. But as long as he sat in jail, I was going to forget that it ever happened.

* * *

**At the hospital**

Emily

The relief to know that she wanted me back was so great that no machine in the world could measure it. Still I couldn't get rid of the feeling of the fact that she might end up hurting me again. But on the other hand, if I wanted this to work I had to trust her…

"Move down!" Naomi dragged in the quilt I sat on.

"I sat here first." I said stubborn.

"Move down Ems."

"Ok." I moved down to the foot end of the bed while she smoothed the quilt.

When she was all happy with the way it looked she smiled a content smile. She was actually a real perfectionist, even if you sometimes couldn't believe it. As I looked at her I suddenly remembered how much I had missed her. Those ordinary things that you are very bad at appreciating when you have them, like her cute way of wrinkling her nose, her laugh, her smile, her voice, her kisses and even her perfectionism.

"What?" She looked at me and I realized that I had begun to cry.

"Nothing… I've just missed you so much. Missed the real you."

"Well, I'm here now, the real me." She held out her arms and I turned around where I sat and leaned back against her, sitting between her legs.

"I love you." She kissed me on my head and hugged me.

"Love you to Naoms." I was in a very odd position and could not hug her back, so instead I just received her hug and relaxed in her embrace.

"I should really get my pants on." I said after a while.

She leaned her head against my head, but when I started to wriggle she grabbed me tighter.

"But I like you in your knickers." She kissed me on my neck.

"But, we're still at the hospital. I don't want anyone else to walk in on us again."

"It was just Katie for fuck sake. I don't care what your sister thinks." She said.

"Yeah, well-"

"Yeah, well, you do." Naomi interrupted me and laughed.

That was just like I had answered back when we began uni, the time we sold drugs at the underground club with Thomas…

"You really do remember everything." I said.

"Hopefully." She said and let me go.

I took up me pants from the floor and heard how the door opened. I quickly jumped in them and was done just in time before Gina walked in.

"Hi Emily." She said and looked around the room.

"Hi Gina." I said as I moved back to Naomi's waiting arms.

When Gina saw that we were on a god note she smiled relived. She must have been really worried about Naomi.

"How are you both?" Gina asked.

"Fine." Naomi and I said in one mouth.

Gina smiled. "It's lunchtime. Do you want me to get you something?"

"No thanks. I was thinking of going home soon." I smiled.

I felt how Naomi grabbed me tighter. "No, you are not! Yes pleas mum." She continued and smiled.

"Don't you dare to fucking leave me! Not now when I'm not allowed to come after you. I'm sort of stuck here for another four days or so." She said when Gina had left the room.

"I love you so much." I managed to say. But it was sort of hard because Naomi squeezed me so thigh over my chest that I barely could breathe.

"Why didn't you call back…? Didn't you understand how desperate I was to talk to you?" Naomi asked with a small voice.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know…"

No I really hadn't known. I just decided not to chase her any more… To be honest I had been too hurt about the fact that she left me by the lake for the second time to really think straight.

**Well I never think straight because I am after all a lesbian, but you know what I mean!**

"You were desperate?" I asked back.

"Yeah…" She kissed me on my cheek.

I bent back my head and turned back and kissed her on her mouth.

_'What the fuck am I going to do with Mandy?!'_

I realized that I had been naive if I had thought than Mandy was going to leave me alone. Now I had been stupid enough to drag her back...

"What?" Naomi asked. She must have seen my confused face.

"Nothing… Why didn't you talk to me at the funeral?" I asked.

"Because I thought you were with Mandy… What are you going to do about her?"

"Yeah… that was just what I thought of…But I love you and whatever Mandy says don't you ever forget that." I looked at her with a demanding gaze.

"No. Never." She kissed me again.

"And don't make me ever have to decide whether to chase you or not again." I added.

"Promise. Next time, I will chase you for all I am worth it!"


	33. Chapter 33 - Miss

**Chapter thirty three**

**At Keith's pub – three months later**

Naomi

"I really missed you guys!" Cookie said and raised his glass of bear.

It had been a long time since we were together and just hung out. The atmosphere was light and joyful. Everybody showed up, well of course not Freddie. But he had his very good reason for not coming.

"Cheers!" Everyone yelled and raised their glasses.

"One week left" I whispered into Emily's ear as a squeezed her hand.

She giggled and kissed me on my cheek. Then she took a sip from her beer. In one week we were finally going to Goa. I had waited for so long and I was more than grateful to now have my memory back so that I was able to go with the most amazing girlfriend ever.

Well some small, less important, things were still not quite right in my mind. But it was not important, I was positive that everything would be fine. Talking about our memories together with Emily and my friends had really helped me to fully remember my past and now I remember everything _'I think… I hope.' _

For example had that girl Lara not really found her way into my memory yet. I wasn't sure if I knew her or if I didn't.

I looked over the table at the blond girl with pink in her hair. She smiled a little and JJ by her side looked at her with a satisfied face. _'He got a girl after all.'_

And my head had healed quite well too. All I was left with was a scar in the back of my head. But it wasn't visible because of all my hair. At least I had been discharged from hospital.

* * *

Emily

It felt as if someone watched me while I drank. I peered from the corner of my eye and saw Naomi looking at me with her ice blue eyes. I put down my beer and kissed her on her mouth. I smiled against her lips and felt her smiling back.

"Stop it!" Katie said annoyed and elbowed me in my back. "I still haven't processed what I saw at the hospital…"

"Don't be like that. Be happy for Naomikins and Ems." Cook grinned at Katie. "But what did you see Katiekins!" Cook smiled a huge smile and leaned forward.

"They had some fun at the hospital." If she felt weird about it you couldn't notice, because she smirked when she said it.

"Katie!" I yelled at her.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. The hand let go of me shoulder and then a pair of arms wrapped around me and pulled me back, holding me tight. I looked up and saw Naomi looking down at me.

"Take it easy Ems." She said smiling.

"Good job!" Cook said and laughed. "You two having fun under the quilt in a hospital!"

"Stop giving me mental images." Effy said and smirked at Cook.

"Well, it's not my fault. Katiekins started." Cook grinned.

Katie hit Cook playfully over his head and then she looked at me and smirked. I just stuck out my tongue at her.

I looked around the table. Everyone looked at me and Naomi with small smirks on their faces. Well almost everyone. Pandora looked down in her fizzy drink while JJ blushed a bit. I met Effy's gaze and felt how I too began to blush.

"You are making them uncomfortable." Effy said and turned to Cook.

"Aw, sorry lezzers." Cook made a pity face.

* * *

**At Naomi's house**

Emily

"Pack these down will you?" Naomi threw a pair of shorts over her back. They landed on the floor behind me after a perfect bow through the air.

I looked at Naomi as she sat with her back turned towards me. She sat with her face deep down in the wardrobe.

I picked them up from the floor and folded them to put them carefully in a suitcase on the bed.

"And this dress… and this… and this… and this blouse is nice-"Naomi continued and threw garment after garment onto the floor, creating a pile of clothes. A small Mount Everest…

"Naomi, stop!" I waved my hands beside my head.

Naomi turned around to face me with a questioning face. "What?"

"You're going too fast. I can't keep up with you." I smirked at her.

"Sorry babes." She got up and walked up to me.

I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. From the corner of my eyes I looked at the pile of clothes on the floor. I leaned back in Naomi's arms to look her in her eyes.

"Do we really need this much?" I turned my face demonstratively towards Mount Everest.

"Well, isn't this going to be a long trip?" She asked and kissed me on my forehead.

"Yeah…" I whispered.

"Good." Naomi smiled and gave me one last kiss on my forehead before diving back into the wardrobe.

* * *

**At the airport**

"Bye! And don't forget to call and write, ok?" Katie looked at me with anxious eyes.

"Don't worry." I gave her a tight hug.

"I mean it, don't you dare not to call me. I'll kill you if you do." Katie whispered worried in my ear. I responded by hugging her tighter.

Pandora stood beside Katie and held Thomas hand, as always. I never understood how they didn't grow tired of each other. At least after what they have been through. But cheating was something everyone was experts at in our gang of friends, I thought as I looked at all of my friends.

"Have a whizzer time in Goa guys!" Panda said and gave both me and Naomi a hug.

"Yeah we will. And you have a… whizzer time at Harvard." Naomi said and smiled.

As she said it I heard Effy mumble while looking with sad eyes at the floor. _'Oh my God, she is really going to miss Panda…'_

"Have a great time and don't forget that Goa is the state having the whole non-decomposing miraculous remains of St Francis Xavier at old Goa. So pay him a visit." JJ said and looked at Lara who held his hand.

They really made each other happy. And I was really happy for both of them. But the fact that JJ now was sort of an extra dad worried me a bit though…

"Have a nice time." Effy gave us a smile and then she, Katie, JJ, Lara, Thomas and Pandora left the airport.

When they were out of sight I could feel Naomi looking uneasily around the great hall that was full of people. I knew who she looked for… she searched for Cook. He hadn't showed up together with the rest of our friends and now we were about to continue towards our gate.

"Come." I said after a while.

She turned around and took my hand while looking back over her shoulder. Then she sighed and turned forward.

"You weren't about to leave without saying goodbye lezzers?"

We looked back but I couldn't see anyone. I looked around and then I saw Cook leaning against the blue wall. We walked up to him and we both got ourselves a dangerously tight hug. Then he smiled one of his crocked smiles and laughed.

"Have a good time."

"You too Cook… I'll miss you." Naomi said with a small voice.

Cook smiled again and gave Naomi another hug.

Before he left he turned to me.

"Take care of her." He blinked with one eye and then he turned around and walked out from the airport.

* * *

Naomi

I was really going to miss him. I was just worried that I never would see him again. What if, when we came home again, he would have moved to study or to work…?

"Hey Naomi… we have to go to our gate." Emily gently shook my arm and started to walk towards the terminals.

Yes we had to get moving. This was the trip I had longed for… for so long. Now it was finally going to happen. I walked after her and I looked at her bum as it wiggled back and forth. It made me smile. I loved to walk right behind her. From there I had the best view ever.

We left our bags on the conveyor belt.

"What the fuck do you have in here?" Emily complained as she lifted up the blue suitcase.

"Erm, excuse me. It's not just my stuff in there. More than half of it is yours." I said and laughed.

She looked too cute where she struggled. We had thought convenient and only packed one suitcase. After all we didn't need too much. Thankfully Emily wasn't like her sister whom certainly would have packed three bags for herself for a trip like this. But it was mostly thanks to Emily that we only packed one suitcase. She had dismissed almost the whole 'Mount Everest' as she called my selection of clothes.

We hadn't planned for how long we were going to be gone. We had booked a hotel for one and a half month. But I planned to surprise Emily by extending our trip by booking a stay at a special hotel before we went home.

We walked to our gate.

We sat down on one of the many benches and looked out through the big window. It was a beautiful day with a blue cloudless sky. I stretched out my fingers but froze when I touched something. I touched skin. I moved my hand and took the hand beside me. When I looked up at Emily she smiled towards me. Our hands played with each other. I gave her a kiss on her mouth. It all suddenly felt so real, so close.

"Finally" I whispered against her lips.

She pulled back and looked at me.

"Yes, finally"

Then she leaned forward and kissed me again.


	34. Chapter 34 - I just want to say

**Authors Note**

I know I might have made you all confused over the last chapter.

But yes, that was the end of this story, unfortunately.

I just want to tell everyone of you how much I have enjoyed writing this story and how much I love all the feedback and positive response I have gotten from all of you beautiful people. It really made me keep going and continue to enjoy writing. Hope that you feel that reading this story have been time well spent. Even if I am done with this story I still would be very happy if you could review it anyways since I like to hear what you have to say about it.

I won't stop it here, of course I won't. I have gottan a taste of the amazing feelings story writing can give.

Emily and Naomi will be back in a new story, a follow up to this one, **Stay focused**. They will be in Goa and please read it and tell me if it is worth continuing. It is already up so pleas read and review.

Love you all from the bottom of my heart.


End file.
